Page 3 of Choose Me

“Stef, if I put him down right now, he’s gonna fall. He’s tipsy and almost took a header when I tried to help him walk out of the basement. Where, by the way, he was sitting in the corner curled around Shelby and whispering to her.”

I yawn loudly and pat Erik’s cheek, because nowhesounds annoyed. “S’okay. Shelby’s good company. She’s good at snuggling.” I nuzzle into Erik’s hair, searching with the tip of my nose for his ear so I can whisper into it. “She says you’re good at snuggling, too.” He shivers, but I feel his lips twitch under my fingertips and his arms tighten around me. I want to lean in and kiss his face, but I’m soooo tired.

“Well,thisis not happening.“ I wonder if Stef has his hands on his hips. I’ll bet he does, but I can’t make my eyes open to check.

Quinn snorts, and it sounds close. “Here, let me open the door and you can set him in the back.”

A car door opens and Erik wedges us into the back seat of what is hopefully Stef’s Honda Civic with me still in his lap. He moves me into the corner, propping me against the door. I can feel the car shaking and fabric rustling, then Erik tucks something under my head like a pillow. “There you go,elskling.”

He strokes my cheek and I sigh, tucking my nose into the warm fabric that smells like him. “Erik?”

“Mmm?”

“Love you.”

“Sleep well, Jules.”

And I do, even before the car door closes.

Erik

I watch Jules sleep for a minute, still reeling from his revelations. He’s into me? How did I miss that? And for how long? Fuck. All this time I’ve been fighting my attraction to him, thinking he was crushing on Gunnar, not me. I’m an idiot.

I rub my eyes, all too aware that I’ve missed a lot over the past six months. There’s been so much going on since Mom died that I suppose I’ve ignored everything else happening around me unless it hit me over the head. I brush Jules’ hair back and wonder how much of this he’ll remember tomorrow.

His angelic face relaxes into a soft smile and I stroke his cheek, unable to help myself. He sighs and snuggles into my sweatshirt, making my heart ache, and my arms feel empty without him in them. “Erik?”

“Mmm?”

“Love you.”

My breath catches, and I blink stupidly at him, not sure what to say to that. My pulse pounds in my ears as thoughts swirl in my head, foremost of which is he probably won’t remember any of this tomorrow. And I’m not going to be the one to remind him. He’d be embarrassed, and I would never intentionally do that to him. A selfish part of me hopes he does, though, because then maybe I could tell Jules how I feel abouthimand together we could see where things go. “Sleep well, Jules.”

The intimate moment is broken by the very pissed off voice of my best friend. “Erik.”

I sigh and extricate myself from the back seat, but not without slamming my shoulder on the door frame. “Ouch! Fucking hell.” I wince and rub at the screaming muscle. “We’ve been friends for how long?”

Stef slowly blinks his dark brown eyes like he’s not sure why I asked, but is trying to figure it out. “Nine years.”

“So, remind me again why you bought a compact car when you knew I’d be riding in it?” I grin to take the sting out of my words and hopefully make him laugh.

He points a finger at me and raises a perfectly manicured dark brown eyebrow. “Honey, you’re the one who told me it was a good choice. Low miles, good gas consumption, fun color.”

I glance at the iridescent car that looks teal in the darkness but changes to shades of pink and blue in the sun. “Well, the unique paint job suits you.”

Stef puts a hand to his short, bleach-blond hair and bats his eyelashes lovingly at his car. “She does, doesn’t she?” He glances back and pins me with a pointed stare. “Stop trying to distract me.” He sighs and his expression changes to worry. “Please, don’t encourage Jules’ crush on you. Giving him false hope will only hurt him.”

Unable to help myself, I glance at Jules, passed out peacefully in the back seat of Stef’s car. He was always a quiet, sweet kid who regularly trounced me at Mario Kart and let fireflies loose in our camping tent. That’s where I’ve tried to keep him in my mind, because it was safest to think of him that way. But almost before my eyes, that quiet, wide-eyed kid disappears, replaced by a handsome young man with soft brown shoulder length hair, slightly angular features, and full, pouty lips absolutely made for kissing. Lips that no one else has ever tasted, and god help me, I desperately want to be the first. Realizing I’m taking too long to respond, I look back at Stef. “Up until ten minutes ago I thought he had a crush on Gunnar, so I haven’t been encouraging anything. And how do you know it’s false hope?” Shit. I hadn’t meant to say that last part, but his assumption annoys me, and I’m still a bit off-kilter from Jules’ whole revelation. In fact, it’s kind of insulting that Stef thinks that it’s false hope, though I’m not sure who should be more offended, me or Jules.

There’s a three second pause as Stef considers what I’ve said, and then he throws back his head and laughs from deep in his belly. “Oh my god, babe! For a minute, I thought you were actually serious!” He grabs my arm and squeezes. “Jesus, could you imagine?” He breaks into fits of laughter again. “You had me going for a minute. Oh my god, that was amazing.” He walks round in a small circle, fanning himself.

I catch Quinn’s eyes over Stef’s head. There’s an odd look on his face, and I wonder how much of what Jules said to me he already knows. “Yeah, man, Jules is sensitive. You’d seriously need to think about the outcome before you did anything.” We stare at each other while Stef gets control of himself, periodically bursting into laughter again, like the idea of me being attracted to Jules is inconceivably hilarious. Guess I’ve done a decent job of hiding it.

I stand there awkwardly shuffling from foot to foot, and glance back at Stef, unsure what to say. “You’d really have a problem with it?”

“Babe, my brother deserves a saint, and that isn’t you. You’d break his heart and then I’d have to kill you. And if you were dead, we couldn’t be best friends anymore.” He wipes the tears from his face and fans himself. “Oh shit, that was funny.”

I glance back at the car and clench my jaw. One thing’s for sure. Stef’s right. Hurting either of them isn’t anything I could live with, and that’s probably all I’d accomplish if I told Jules how I feel. So I meet Quinn’s wary eyes and lie. “Stef’s right. I’m joking.” All that gets me is a raised eyebrow. The truth is, I probably would hurt Jules. I’m not in a good place mentally or emotionally, and starting something with anyone right now is a foolish idea. “My focus is on finding a job. They need hiking guides in Utah and Arizona, and I’m considering my options. I could end up moving.” And it wouldn’t be fair to start something and then leave.

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