Page 4 of Choose Me

Stef takes my arm, his eyes now full of concern. “I know I’ve said it a million times, but I’m sorry your parents couldn’t be here to see you graduate from college. They’d be so proud of you.” He squeezes my hand and I blink away the prickling in my eyes.

Losing my dad five years ago to a heart attack was rough, but it’s only been six months since Mom was killed and my family’s a wreck. “Thanks.”

“So, you’re really considering moving?” We talked about it as a possibility, but I haven’t told him I’ve applied to a few places.

“Yeah. With everything that’s happening, I really need to get away from home. Gunnar’s lashing out at everyone. You know, he punched Bjorn in the face this morning? I thought they were going to kill each other.” I drag my fingers through my hair and take a deep breath. “We’ve done all we can for him, short of dragging him to therapy. He won’t even listen to Astrid.”

Stef whistles. “Wow. I thought they had that twin bond thing and she could get him to do almost anything.”

I shake my head. “Nope. Not right now, anyway. It’s just better to stay out of his way.”

“I’d think he’d want to talk to someone after…”—Quinn waves his hand around—“Finding your mom.”

For the millionth time, I wish it had been me shopping with her that evening, or that I’d gone with them. Maybe I could have stopped the mugger. Or at least spared Gunnar the trauma of seeing her bleed out on the sidewalk. “He won’t take any help or find it on his own. I can’t watch him implode. I need to get away from here for a bit. Get my own head on straight. That’s why I’m seriously looking at the Utah or Arizona offers.”

Stef squeezes my arm. “I know, sweetie. It’ll be awful not having you around all the time, but I understand. I can’t imagine what you all must be going through.” His face relaxes, and he gives me a hug. “All right, I should drive Jules home. Thanks for finding him, and for helping him into the car. Sorry I freaked out on you. I’ll call you tomorrow. Or later today, I suppose.” He gestures at the house and all the people still laughing and drinking. “Hopefully you get to sleep in the next few hours.”

With the number of people still here, I’m not sure that’s going to happen. “Yeah, me too.”

Quinn steps up and hugs me. “I’m headed out with Stef. He’ll drop me off at the farm. Thanks for inviting us to the party.”

“Anytime, Quinn.” I glance at Stef and respond like I’m expected to. “You and Jules are like brothers. I couldn’t celebrate without you.” I risk another glance into the back seat at Jules. Before tonight, I’d have said I knew him really well. I suppose I don’t. Not really. And Jules doesn’t really know himself either. I think back to how I was before I started college, and who I am now. The changes he has coming in the next few years are massive. He’ll start college in the fall, and the next four years will open his eyes to things he never knew, and by the time he graduates he’ll be a completely different person. I probably will be too. Maybe we’ll both be with other people by then, and we can look back on tonight and laugh about it. Right now it doesn’t feel very funny.

I watch Stef back out of the driveway, and I dismiss the feeling niggling in my heart telling me I’m letting something important slip through my fingers.

1

Erik

Onemonthago…

I stretch my arm just a little further, fingers extended as far as they’ll go, reaching for the handhold. Sweat drips into my eyes and I blink it away, straining to hold on with my left hand and grasp with my right. I almost have it. Just a bit further and I can hook my fingers around the edge of the rock. I press up on my toes and stretch. Only a little more… I’ve got it!

Just as I think it, my foot shoots out from under me, and I tumble backwards, plummeting toward the ground. “Falling!” I hear a grunt from below and jerk to a halt as the belaying device engages and stops my downward momentum. I squeeze my eyes shut and swear at the ceiling. “Fuck! I was so close!”

Jeremy’s chuckle drifts upward. “You were. And you’ll get it next time.”

I sigh and grab a handhold so I don’t smack into the wall, then shout my command to him. “Lower me.”

“Lowering!”

Jeremy, my belayer for today’s climb, monitors my descent until my feet are firmly back on the gym floor. “Off belay!”

He plays out two arm’s lengths of slack. “Belay off! You going again, or have you had enough for today?”

Imighthave one more climb in me. As I consider the wall, the ringing of my phone blares from my backpack and I take it as a sign. “That’s the universe telling me I’m done for the day.” I untie myself from the rope and bump the fist Jeremy holds out. “Thanks for the save, man.”

“No problem. You know I got you.” He unclips the belayer and wanders off toward the front desk and his next climber.

I grab my backpack and dig out my phone. “See you on Thursday.” He nods as I swipe to answer the call. It’s a number I don’t recognize, but it’s a Seattle area code. My stomach clenches with worry. I don’t get many calls from unknown Seattle numbers, and it’s never good news. “Hello?”

“Hey, Erik! It’s Gordon Mackavey. How ya been?”

My relief is palpable, and I grin so wide my cheeks hurt. “Gordo! Holy fuck, man! How are you?” I plant myself against the wall and take off my harness, letting it drop to the floor.

“Good! Real good. How’s Arizona? You know, besides hot as fuck.”

I laugh because he’s not wrong about that. “Hot as fuck.” I toe off my climbing shoes, slip into a pair of slides, and shove everything into my pack, slinging it over my shoulder as I head for the door. “What’s new, man?”

---