Page 43 of Choose Me

“I wish I could kiss you, or at least hug you again.” He caresses my arm. “I missed you today.”

Those four words make it worth coming here tonight. “I missed you too.” I glance around the bar for my brother. “Where’s Stef?”

Erik jerks his thumb over his shoulder, indicating somewhere back near the dartboards. “Back there with Jocelin. He’s trying to secure a board.” With my brother occupied and a crowd of people between him and us, I take a chance and slip my arms around Erik, hugging him tightly. He doesn’t even hesitate. His arms wrap around me, and he leans down to kiss the top of my head. “You like to live dangerously,elskling.”

It may be dangerous, but I need this. With his arms around me, I can be brave. “I can’t help it. I’m near you and I want to touch you. You’re lucky that’s all I’m doing to you.”

His big laugh booms over the noise of the crowd and background music and I grin at him, happy just to be with him. “I’m so glad you’re here. This crowd is a little…”—I glance around and grimace—“overwhelming, if I’m honest. Are they giving something away? Why are there so many people here?”

Erik glances around like he’s just noticed the number of people. Then he frowns and peers into my eyes. “Really, are you okay?” I shrug again, because what am I going to do about it if I’m not? That just makes the furrow between his eyebrows deeper. “Jules, if this is too much, we can get out of here right now and go somewhere that makes you comfortable.”

I swear my heart is going to melt. How is he so wonderful? “But we all just got here. And Stef loves to do things in groups. He’ll be so sad if we leave. Plus, wouldn’t that make him curious? You guys always go out like this.”

“Going out like this now and then is fine, but it’s not my idea of a good time. In fact, this place is too packed even for me. I don’t like crowds. I’d much rather sit at home watching some documentary or, you know, something on the Discovery Channel. Give meAnimal PlanetorHow It’s Madeand I’m in heaven.”

I stare at him, dumbfounded. “Really?” He said as much last night, but I always imagined Erik with a big social life. He and Stef were always the center of attention wherever they went.

“Yeah. There’s this show calledSouthern Survivalwhere they test products that are supposed to help you survive dangerous situations. When it came out, I binged them back to back and completely lost track of time. It was 2:00 a.m. when the final episode ended, and I had to get up early for work the next day. That was brutal. And have you seenDawn Wall? I can re-watch that over and over. It’s one of the best climbing documentaries ever made.”

“I love documentaries. Especially if they’re about nature and wildlife. We should watch something together sometime.” Erik’s smile is brilliant, and having it aimed directly at me is intoxicating. If making him that happy is this easy, maybe I might not fuck this up.

“So, what kind of music do you like?”

I wince. This is where he finds out what a loser I am. “Oh, I don’t know.” Blushing furiously, I glance around, wondering where Quinn is and why he isn’t rushing to my rescue. “I’m, you know… not into loud stuff. It’s too much sensory input.” I wince again, feeling the ambient sensory input keenly.

Erik takes my hand and moves us closer to the dart boards and further away from the enormous speaker blaring some awful pop song. “Come on. Tell me. I promise I won’t laugh.”

“Yes you will, but it’s okay. Everybody does.” I’m acutely aware he’s still holding my hand, and while it’s calming my anxiety, it’s making my belly do little flip-flops.

“Quit stalling.” Erik grins encouragingly.

“Fine. I actually enjoy listening to Händel. You know, his Water Music? And Vivaldi. It’s calming, and it isn’t so jangly that I get sensory overload.”

Erik’s nod of agreement is not at all what I’m expecting. “It’s very mathematical and orderly. Predictable in a soothing way.”

I gawp at him, stunned because he gets it. “Yeah. That’s exactly it!” He gives my hand a squeeze and I glance around for Stef, feeling like a teenager sneaking out behind my parents’ backs. “How about you? What kind of music do you like?”

Erik’s cheeks turn pink above his beard. “Well, I like classical, but I have to admit I’m not, you know…” He shrugs and smiles. “That’s not my go to. But I kind of have a thing for 90s grunge rock.”

He says it’s so softly, I almost miss it. “A Seattle boy, through and through, huh?”

“Yeah, I suppose. Anyway—“

“There you are!” It’s at that moment that Stef appears and wraps his arms around me and Erik lets my hand slip from his. I know he had to, and we’re really lucky Stef didn’t see, but I miss his touch already. “I’m so glad you got here.”

Stef may appear slim and insubstantial, but he’s strong as hell and I’m squeezed so tightly that for a moment I can’t breathe. “Where’s Quinn? Did he get stuck trying to find somewhere to park? Parking tonight is atrocious. Jocelin and I had to walk two blocks. Two blocks! Look at my heels!” He gestures to his incredibly impractical navy blue boots with a ridiculously thin heel. “Piferis are not meant for streetwear!” His outrage immediately disappears, and he grins at me like a kid on Christmas morning. “But look how adorbs they are! And the navy perfectly matches my slacks and blouse. It’s totally giving Zendaya.”

The slacks in question are a navy paisley fabric that accentuates his dancer’s body, and a navy blouse with poofy sleeves and a cravat-like bow at the neck. It’s a striking outfit against his pale skin, close-cropped dark hair and frosted quiff. Jocelin is equally put together in a long-sleeved black button front shirt with a silver Fleur de lis pattern, burgundy slacks, and a gray vest with leather braces and lace up oxfords. They make my jeans and a sweater seem downright frumpy.

“I’d say you both are making me feel incredibly underdressed, but I honestly think you’re more than a tad overdressed for this bar.”

Stef doesn’t even glance around. “You can never be overdressed. And we look fab. But so do you, sweetie. You’re giving cute and comfy professor, and that’s just your style.” Stef adjusts the collar of my button front shirt, tucking the tip under my gray pullover. “Those jeans hug your butt perfectly. You could totally pull anyone here.” It’s sweet of him to say, but neither of us believes that. You have toactuallymake an effort to communicate with someone if youactuallywant to get anywhere with them. Plus, I don’t want anyone but Erik.

Tadhg and Quinn finally push their way out of the crowd and save me from further scrutiny or embarrassment. Quinn hands us our drinks and takes his from Tadhg. “Okay, we’re all here. Shall we see if there’s a free board?”

Stef shakes his head. “No need. We already have our name in the queue. We just have to wait our turn.”

Jocelin wanders over to my side of the group. “Hello, Jules. How are you?”

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