Page 54 of Choose Me

“It could help you too, if you let it.” He walks over to the rag he threw and picks it up. “What happened to Mom impacted all of us, even if you guys weren’t there. It was violent and upended our lives. You’re dealing with the trauma, whether you want to admit it or not. And you’ll like Cassandra. She’s cool and easy to talk to.”

I’m at a loss for words. In theory, I’m all for therapy. In practice, self-practice, I’m scared. “Maybe. Jules says it helped him.”

Gunner tilts his head and looks at me, and I almost laugh at how much it reminds me of Pita. “You really care about him.”

I nod. “Yeah. I do.”

“He really cares about you. He more than proved that tonight.”

“He did. And Gunnar?” He looks at me and I hold his gaze. “We can never have a repeat of tonight. Do you understand me? I plan on him being around permanently, which means if you want me at family events, this can’t happen again. I won’t risk putting him through another evening like this.”

Gunnar nods. “Then you better come to the appointment when I make it.” I narrow my eyes and he holds up his hands. “Yeah. All right. I don’t want it happening again, either. And Iamsorry.”

I hug him again and head back to the house, needing to be with Jules, to make sure he’s okay. And to make sure I am, too.

19

Jules

Iwakeupwithmy face pressed against Erik’s chest and his strong arms wrapped around me. I’m warm and safe, both of which I sorely need to feel this morning. Every part of me aches, and I’m exhausted. I’d probably still be sleeping except my bladder’s screaming at me. With a groan, I push myself into a sitting position and try to focus on the unfamiliar room.

A warm hand covers mine, squeezing gently. “Morning. How’re you feeling?”

I drag my fingers through the tangled mess of my hair. “Not great, if I’m being honest. What time is it?” I glance around for my phone and see it on the bedside table, but I don’t have the energy to grab it.

“Eight fourteen. And before you worry, I already called your office and told them you were too sick to work today. Your boss said to call him later and let him know if you’d be in tomorrow.”

I rub my eyes and sag with relief. “Thank you. Bathroom?”

He gestures to one of the three doors in the room. “That one. If you’re interested in showering or brushing your teeth, go ahead. Help yourself to anything you find. I put a spare toothbrush on the vanity.”

I manage a tired smile and push myself out of bed, staggering toward the bathroom, getting only two-thirds of my body through the doorway. “Owwww. Fuck.” I rub my shoulder and consider lying down right here.

“Do you need my help?”

He means it to be funny, but what he doesn’t know is I’m seriously considering saying yes. I want a shower to wash off the anxiety ick, but I’m not sure I can manage to stay upright that long. When I flip the light on in the bathroom, I wince, but then freeze and stare. “This is as big as my bedroom.” The double sink, walk-in shower, and the enormous separate tub are like something you’d see in an architectural magazine. The entire room is ridiculously over-the-top in the best possible way, and I’m now utterly fixated on how much I would love to soak in a hot bath. I must make a noise because moments later Erik is right behind me.

He follows my gaze and leans down to kiss my shoulder. “Do you want me to run you a bath?” This time I do whimper as I nod. I feel too much like crap to try to be polite or mature about it. He carefully shuffles past me and turns on the tub. “How warm do you like it?”

“Melt-your-skin hot for most people. But I’m always cold. Well, except when I’m pressed up against you. You’re a furnace.” My bladder reminds me why I’m in the bathroom, so I shuffle over to the toilet. When I’m done, I wash my hands and attempt to open the toothbrush. Erik takes pity on me and rips open the package, puts paste on the bristles, and hands it back to me. I slowly brush my teeth, feeling incredibly uncoordinated. I’m sure I’ve done a better job, but it’ll do for now.

Erik takes the toothbrush from my hand and replaces it with a small cup of water. “Rinse and spit. Then sit on the toilet. I’ll get you something to wear. It’ll be big on you, but we can make it work.” I shuffle over to the toilet, remembering to put the lid down before I sit. I must zone out because the next thing I know, Erik pulls me into a standing position, helping me step out of my boxer briefs. It isn’t until we’re walking toward the tub that I realize Erik is also naked. I spare a passing thought to how good he looks, but that’s about all I can muster.

He steps into the tub first and then helps me in, pulling me close so my back is to his chest, then guides us into the water. I sigh with relief as heat penetrates my aching muscles. I lean back against Erik, and he wraps an arm across my chest. “Elskling, before you get too relaxed, take these for me.“ I open my eyes and he hands me some ibuprofen. I pop them in my mouth and drink the glass of water he must have set by the tub before we got in. “All right, now just relax and let me take care of you.”

And he does, handling me with care, helping me to a standing position, then gently washing my body, and carefully setting us back in the water. Even with me dozing through most of the process, he washes my hair and doesn’t get water or shampoo in my eyes. When we’re done, he leans me back against his chest again, and we relax. “I’m sorry, Jules. About last night. We can talk about it when you’re feeling better, but I want you to know that I’m sorry I put you in a stressful situation. And thanks for what you said.”

True to his word, he doesn’t say anything more, and I must drift off because I’m gingerly nudged awake. “Time to get out. We’re both pruny and we’ll be more comfortable in bed.” I grumble as he dries me off and dresses me in sweatpants and a tee that are far too large. He tucks me into bed and crawls in, pulling me close, and before we’re even settled, I’m asleep.

The next time I wake up, I feel better. Not quite human yet, and still a bit tired, but definitely better. I reach behind me, but instead of Erik, I touch Pita’s soft fur. I listen for sounds of someone else in the room, but I can tell I’m by myself. Pushing up into a seated position, I swing my legs off the bed, letting my body acclimatize to being upright. Pita’s tail thumps rhythmically on the mattress. “Morning, boy.” I give him pets, and before I try standing, I see a note next to my phone in Erik’s blunt print.

Went downstairs to get something to eat. Text me if you wake up and want me to bring you something.

I seriously think about lying back down, but moving around would probably be better at this point. I shove off the bed, use the bathroom again, pull on a sweatshirt that Erik left on a chair, then open the door. Pita jumps to his feet, tail wagging a mile a minute, and follows me out into the hall. He headbutts me on my hip and I laugh and stumble, still a little unsteady on my feet. “Hey bud. Don’t suppose you could show me where Erik is?”

Pita makes a low rumble and heads down the hall. I follow, figuring if he’s taking me in the wrong direction, at some point I’ll run into someone I can ask. We come to the top of the stairs and Pita barrels down them. I follow at a more sedate pace. With my luck, I’ll trip over the hem of these oversized sweatpants and end up at the bottom in a heap. Before I step off the last tread, I can hear Erik’s voice talking to Pita and I follow it into the kitchen.

Erik is bent over, scratching Pita behind the ears, and I get a lovely view of his ass. He glances up as I walk in, and his smile takes my breath away. There are days I still can’t believe he’s with me. I rub my eyes and stretch. “Good morning.”

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