Page 55 of Choose Me

He crosses the room, pulling me into a wonderfully warm hug. “Good morningelskling. How are you feeling?”

“Mmm. Better.” I wrap my arms around his waist and let him hold me. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I should be thanking you.” He kisses the top of my head and leans his cheek against my temple. “And apologizing. I’m sorry I put you through that last night.”

I pull back far enough so I can see his face. “No. That wasn’t your fault. If it was anyone’s fault, it was Gunnar’s. He picked the fight with you.”

“He did. And we talked about it.”

That surprises me. “Really?”

“After you stood in the middle of the dining room and basically told him off on my behalf, how could I not?”

I press my face into his shirt. “I shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t my place.”

He strokes my back and rocks us gently. It’s really soothing and I melt against him. “That’s debatable, but I should have stuck up for myself. It’s something I’ve always struggled with.” He squeezes me and I can hear his heartbeat thumping fast. “Anyway, we talked about it, and he apologized, and I did too. We’re… I’m going with him to one of his therapy sessions.”

“You are?”

“Yeah.” I can feel him tensing, so I squeeze him in what I hope is an encouraging way. “He realized there are things he hasn’t worked through, about my leaving, and he asked if I’d go with him to talk through it with his therapist. What do you think about that?”

I want to look at him so he can see how sincere I am, but it’s probably easier for him to talk about this if I don’t. “I think it’s an excellent idea. I’m all for therapy. I can’t tell you how much it’s helped me, and I don’t even want to think about how unmanageable and isolated my life would be if I hadn’t gone.” Erik drops a kiss to the top of my head and rests his cheek against my hair. It’s sweet, and intimate, and something I never thought I’d have, but I’m so damned glad I was wrong.

“Elskling, I want to ask you something. If it’s none of my business, or you don’t want to answer, you can say that and I’ll drop it. Okay?”

I nod against his chest, one part curious, ten parts worried what requires this kind of build-up.

“So, obviously last night was stressful for most, if not all of us. But it hit you worse than everyone else. In hindsight, it was apparent that things were getting more difficult for you as Gunnar got wound up, so… why didn’t you take your meds? I mean, I know I should have noticed sooner and got us out of there, but it never occurred to me to suggest you take them. I’m not even sure if that’s my place.” He inhales and lets it out in one long whoosh. “I don’t know… I just… I don’t want to overstep, but I also don’t want you to feel like you’re in this alone. You know?”

I squeeze him as tightly as I can, momentarily overwhelmed with embarrassment, but mostly by gratitude, and so much love. “First of all, you tried to get us out of there, but I wouldn’t go. So that’s not on you. And thank you. For asking about the meds, I mean. And for caring. And yes, I should probably have taken one of my pills.” I scrunch up my face, not wanting to admit the truth that I try to put off taking them as long as I can. But I need to be honest with him if we’re going to be together. And I definitely want us to be together. “I hate them. They make me drowsy and yeah, they take the edge off of my anxiety, but then I need a nap. So I always try to put off taking them, hoping I can get through whatever’s happening without them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

I could leave it at that, but it’s not the whole truth, and after what Erik did to take care of me last night, he deserves the full explanation. “I also don’t like what they represent.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Which is what?”

“That I’m broken. That I can’t handle my life on my own. That I’ll always be this way.” I sigh, knowing he’s going to disagree. “I don’t always feel like that way, and my therapist tells me it’s normal to feel like that sometimes. It’s a part of my anxiety that’s been the hardest to overcome. It’s so easy to look at everyone else going through their lives seemingly without issues, and compare myself unfavorably. And I know negative thoughts only breed more negativity. It’s just difficult to remember all of that. I probably should mention all of this to my therapist.”

Erik leans back, and I look up into his handsome face. “What can I do to help?”

“This.” I gesture between us. “Hold me. Talk to me. Ask me the hard questions, even if I hate answering them. Sometimes I can’t see that I’m stuck in a rut. Also, yes, you can totally ask me if I think I need to take one of my pills. You can also suggest we go outside and get some air. Or hold my face in your hands and press your forehead to mine. Have I mentioned how safe that makes me feel?”

His eyes light up and he shakes his head. “No, you haven’t. But I’ll definitely keep that in mind.”

“Anyway, yes, I should have taken a pill last night, and I’m sorry I didn’t.” I lean my forehead against his chest and try not to think about the scene I probably made. “Yet another thing to talk to my therapist about, I guess.”

Erik runs his fingertips along my jaw, gently tilting my chin up so I’m looking at him again. “Jules, you’re amazing. You’re the bravest person I know. You make me want to be brave too.” He cups my jaw with his huge palm, and I lean into its warmth, overwhelmed by his words and sincerity, desperately trying not to get all choked up. I’m failing spectacularly. “I’m so glad you’re in my life, Jules. Being with you these past two months is the happiest I’ve ever been.” He brushes his thumb against my cheek. “I love you.”

My pulse thunders in my chest, and my face heats. For a moment, all I can do is blink at him, surprised. “You do?”

He nods. “I do. With all my heart.”

My eyes prickle, and I blow out a breath so I don’t cry. “I love you, too.”

His face breaks into a grin so big his eyes crinkle at the corners. “I know.”

20

Erik

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