Page 16 of Enkindling

She came around to face me. “I heard every word you said,” she retorted. “And I’m telling you I don’t care. Did you hearthat?”

“Well, I care, dammit!” I clenched my fists. “You don’t know what I’m up against, but I do!”God, this woman!

She took my hands in hers. I let her. She unclenched my fists gently and laced her fingers through mine. I was forced to admit to myself that the sensation was electric.

“Look at me, Will.” She waited until I did before continuing. Those haunting, earnest eyes that shone with the same innocence she had always possessed ensnared me, though I wanted so desperately to avoid them now. “I get it,” she told me. “This is about my life, right? Well, my life won’t mean much to me if you walk out of it again. Please, Will… Please. Don’t go anywhere anymore. Stay here with me.”

“That’s what I want, but… Kathy, if you got hurt because of me—” I stopped myself, unwilling to contemplate it.

She came close and embraced me. “WhatIwant is this, Will. What I want is to never live through another ten years like the last, no matter what.No matter what. Do you understand now? You won’t change my mind. I already know I could never want it any other way. I’ve alreadytriedit some other way.” Her obstinate tone softened considerably, and the fire in her eyes now faded into mere embers of sadness as she continued. “But you can go regardless. I can’t stop you – I never could. I’ll be forced to let you go if you want me to. Just… At least tell me whatyouwant, Will. What youreallywant. That’s what matters.”

I was silent for a few seconds. Then I spoke. “I want out of this. I want you. I want us. I want to do for you what I couldn’t all those years ago. I want to make you mine for good. Marriage, family, all of it.”

She gave me a tentative smile, and then pressed her cheek against my chest, sliding her arms up from my waist to my neck. “Remember your question from earlier? Well, I’ve had a change of heart. I believe you, Will. I believe you. And I want all of it this time with you. Be true to what you want, Will, for both our sakes.”

I heaved a sigh. “Do you know what you’re saying? I have a past, you know, and the past always comes to collect its due.”

“I know I want you,” Kathy responded gently. “I know I’ll do whatever it takes. I know you’ll protect me. And I know the future will always outpace the past.”

My arguments melted into mist. In the end, I wanted this woman far more than I feared any shadows of the past. My misgivings were far from managed, but I knew I would never be happy another day in my life if I didn’t take this chance.

You won’t let her go again, so help you God, eh? Those are fighting words, Will, and you know it.I heard my inner voice say to me as clearly as though it were in the room.

“You win, little robin,” I muttered after a long pause.

“Yay!” She beamed up at me through tears and rose on tiptoe. “I’ll sweeten the deal,” she offered, as her lips inched closer to mine. “I’ll forgive everything you did all those years ago if you promise to stay with me this time.”

I wrapped my arms around her and moved to meet her lips.

“Deal,” I said and surrendered to the nectar of her kiss.

Chapter 6

Renaissance

Kathy

It was a strange thing,time.

One must live his entire life bound by it, only ever escaping it upon death. Until then, all one could do was take each moment as it came, good or bad. Sometimes bad moments, in particular, seemed to stretch out into long periods of persistent pain, and then there was nothing for it but to endure – escape was never anoption. Torture was built upon the intricate entrapment of moments like these.

And yet, time also possessed the enigmatic ability to erase the torment of such moments in but a single second, rendering it as though it had never been. For instances such as, thosetangible and ponderous pain faded into distant whispers of misty memory by the finger of time, and one almost wondered whether what had so lately been inexorable and distressing had ever truly been real at all, so completely removed it was.

I awoke from my gloom as one did from a dream. How curious that all it had taken to emerge from a full decade of darkness was the passing of a single, fleeting moment. The distance between sleep and wakefulness, those shadow dimensions of each other held separate by nigh infinity, was simply a singular point in time. The same was true of the distance between a despondent past and a glorious present.

I gazed at the peaceful figure before me, in whose sleep-stilled arms I now lay. Will was here. He was right here with me after what seemed an eternity, his warm body nestled against mine. I listened to the sound of his gentle breathing and exulted in the subtle thrum of his heart against my chest. This was real. I was alive, as was he. If wounds were the inevitable mark of the passage of time, time at least healed all wounds. That much was certain.

What remained now was the future, the final act in the drama of time. How odd, I thought, that while the past extended back to its starting point and the future raced forward with all the restraint of a ray of light coursing through the depths of endless space, the present alone was confined to one single, ever-changing point ofincalculable brevity. And how many strangers than that incalculably brief, ever-shifting moment had but one overriding impulse and concern – the future?

That was where my thoughts aimed themselves now. What was next for Will and me? I had said all those bold words earlier, and I’d meant them, but the gravity of all he had told me was not lost on me. I wanted Will Carter, and I refused to live a moment more without him, but I also wanted to live so I could have him as I wanted. I wanted him to live sohecould have me as he wanted.

As I stared at his sleeping face now, my heart swelled with tender emotion. This was the love of my life. I had fallen for him almost the moment we met. I had burrowed my way into his affections with great effort and much patience. Then I had lost him in a single moment. Now I had him back. I would protect this new beginning no matter what it cost me. But I was afraid.

A wave of suffocating worry washed over me now, and it filled me with restless energy. Placing a tender kiss on his lips, I carefully freed myself from his embrace and rose from the bed. I pulled on my old shirt that reached to my thighs, turned to look at him one more time, and left the room. I headed straight for the kitchen. Will would probably be hungry when he woke, and cooking would be a good use of all this new vitality.

What had just happened between us was beautiful, but it had not been without guilt on my part. For one, I felt very odd about having done it here. I had a high amount of respect for the Andersons, and they were principled and honorable people. Well, I was certainly a woman and they had nothing to say against having guests over, the fact remained I was not a married woman, and they took their piety far more seriously than I did. I had never done anything like this before in the nearly three years I had been their tenant, and they trusted me implicitly. I had hardly ever even had guests over at all, being the studious and private person I was. Now I felt I had betrayed their trust.

Secondly, I was a professor at the university – seeking tenure, no less. Internal hypocrisy aside, the university did at least ostensibly hold to a standard of moral irreproachability. I hadalways meant to keep to it until now, for the sake of my principles. I still meant to keep to it. At any rate, I certainly couldn’t go about doing this carelessly. A single mistake could spoil everything.

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