Page 9 of Enkindling

I let out the breath I hardly realized I was holding. This manneeded to get out of my office now, I thought with real annoyance. I was busy. I opened my mouth and was about to say so, but his exclamation preempted the attempt.

“Ah! A woman of culture you are!” His eyes had latched onto my tiny bookshelf on the far wall. “I spy Voltaire, Locke, and a host of others. I knew you were brilliant, Kat, but I never quite pegged you for a philosopher.” His gaze flickered back to me,and he looked at me in appraisal, new intrigue plainly blossoming. Then he turned back to the bookshelf. “And is that work in the original tongue?”

Taking the opportunity, I separated myself from him and walked to the bookshelf. My office was tiny, but this would do. Besides, he had unlocked some small desire for conversation for once. I had lived several years in France – it was where I had done the bulk of my studying – and had made sure to immerse myself in the writings of the great thinkers of the Enlightenment, being as I was in its cradle. While there, I’d had the good fortuneof coming into possession of a few old works that I found exceedingly valuable.

“Yes, actually,” I answered. “Reading the old language is ahobby of mine,” I said, fingering the copy of Voltaire and allowing myself the indulgence of memory.

“Astounding,” he murmured with a reverence I found striking. “Voltaire was quite the thinker. He had a real insight into men, power, and government. At least, he certainly had it right when it came to the masses. I can only imagine what it must be to read his thoughts as he wrote them, in his own words.”

“I don’t know,” I countered. “Voltaire was certainly a formidable intellect, but I quite prefer Rousseau in many ways. I especially admire his thoughts on the magic of youth, though I’m certainly not without my disagreements.”

I had not heard him approach, but I was suddenly aware that he was right behind me. Before I could do anything, his hands were on my hips, stroking me gently, and he had pressed his pelvis to my rear in a most intimate manner.

My breath caught. “Mr. Williams—” I began.

“Kat, you are an absolute delectable woman, both in body and mind,” he purred into my ear. I recoiled at the feel of his hot breath. “You’ll forgive me,” he continued. “But I’m afraid I find you quite impossible to resist.” His hand moved up to cup my left breast even as my heart hammered, and my breathing turned ragged. The other pulled me against him, and his lips grazed the skin of my neck. His hand slid up my inner thigh.

I pulled out of his embrace hurriedly and retreated to my desk in swift steps. The man’s touch wasmasterful, but I had no desire to experience it and even less to succumb. “Mr. Williams—” I began again, my brain now mush. I was trembling from the shock of it.

He had followed me. Grabbing my arm, he pulled me into him again, this time pressing me to him from the front, as he perched himself on the edge of my desk. He had no concern for the open door. We were not on the ground floor, and this was the summer session – the campus was largely empty. Grabbing my rear with the possessiveness of a lover, he pressed me against his manhood as he breathed my name and started to place a trail of kisses on my shoulder and up my neck. I squirmed in vain. His lips closed in on mine and made contact as his hands roamed my body hungrily.

Desperate, I stomped on his foot, and a cry burst from his lips. I ripped myself from his embrace, retreated several feet,, and surveyed him with wild eyes, shaking visibly in my rage. He looked at me with a confused stamp on his face. He would have expected any number of things, I imagined, but not this. I struggled to catch my breath, and his eyes flashed to my heaving bosom before meeting mine once more. He was panting too, but from desire frustrated.

“Mr. Williams,” I said once more, my tone venomous. “You should leave,sir. Right now.” It was all I could do to keep my voice down, and I congratulated myself for managing it. I jabbed a finger at the door.

“Look, Kathy, I’m sorry,” he said. “I find you irresistible, and there’s something very special between us. I know you feel it, too.”

“You are mistaken,” I rejoined, still pointing him toward the door. “Youcannot say howIfeel. That’s sheer arrogance.”

“Kat—” he appealed, arms extended in a gesture of conciliation.

“Do notcall me that,” I hissed. “Leave.Now.” I was glaring daggers at him, my shaking finger still indicating the door. There was a brief standoff between us where neither of our eyes left the other’s, no one blinked, and no one moved.

“Think this through, professor,” he asserted. His tone had changed markedly. “I can help you. I can put you in positions you couldn’t dream of otherwise. I can make you into all you want and more. You are a very smart girl with so much potential, so much ahead of you. You can easily get to the top if you play your cards right. Don’t make a stupid choice.” He regarded me imperiously, like one imparting profound wisdom.

I scoffed. The man thought he was paying me a compliment? My anger exploded. Any old hussy with basic good looks and a modicum of ambition could sleep her way to the top. I was not that girl. I would die before it was said that I bought my position at the mountaintop with any other currency than sheer ability and hard work. My parents instilled at least that much in me. And I had a conscience, dammit. I was no saint, but I at least tried to give God His due. I would not be caught gallivanting around like this, dancing gleefully on the strings of some puppeteering and degenerate married man.

“Mr. Williams, you will leave my office, or I swear to God—” I stopped short only because I had no idea how to finish that threat. What would I do if he didn’t go? I had no answer except to say that I was certain he would not like it in the least.

He glared at me, watching me shake and drink in oxygen as if I had just run a marathon.

“Very well, Kathleen,” he said finally and rose. “I know your kind. This isn’t over – far from it. You will come to terms with the reality of your desires soon enough. But you’ve won for now. Good day.”

He strode out of the office with the air of a man who had taken a wound in a noble cause and was plotting a comeback. I watched him go, locked the door behind him, and collapsed in a heap.

***

After that, I had only gotten worse. Joseph Williams hadawakened a fire in me, curse him. To be fair, the embers had always been present, but he gave them new life. The encounter forced me to come to grips with all the pent-up desire and frustration I had been warding off for so long. It had been a great while since I last allowed myself to experience the embrace of a man.

There had been my engagement in France all those years ago, but that had been broken in the end. Since then, I had dated a few men, but nothing serious had ever developed, and I had always been careful about becoming physical with men under casual circumstances. I had my reputation to think about, and I had been burned before. I wanted a family, not a fling; love, not just lust. Besides, I had my pride as a woman. I would never leave myself at the mercy of men who wanted my body and nothing more. I would never submit to having my name bandied about like somany of these women around me – many of them courtesy of Joseph Williams, no less. I hoped he wouldn’t make any outlandish claims based on our encounter. I would be mortified.

Then there had been work I had devotedmyself to in the past several years which interfered quite a bit with my romantic prospects. Also, there was the need to be cautious. For one like myself seeking tenure and to climb the ranks of academia, the last thing I needed was a scandal. It could derail my ambitions entirely.

And yet I was a woman, of flesh and blood like all the rest. After so long a time being exceedingly careful to avoid frivolous passion and keeping a firm leash on those desires, the damage had now been done. The slow burn had suddenly turned into a much more formidable blaze, far more difficult to ignore. As happened so often, Joseph Williams seemed to have a penchant for being uncannily right in one way and unequivocally wrong in another while discussing the same issue. Just as he told me, I was indeed coming to terms with the reality of my desires.

I wanted to be touched. I wanted to be kissed. I wanted far more than that. And I knew exactly who I wanted to do it all.

This only added to my frustrations with Will. For better or for worse, I had never really gotten over him. He was my first love, and I had ached for himin ways I never didfor anyone since. Whoever said the first cut was the deepest certainly knew what they were talking about. Our ending had been abrupt and wholly unexpected on my part. Until that day, I had seen the report that seemed to confirm his death, I had always nursed secret hopes of rectifying that. Now that he was within reach again – back from the clutches of death, as it were – that desire returned in full force.

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