Page 20 of The Masks We Wear

“Not if you make the music. Besides, you’ve spent hours in your room with your drum set, I’m sure you have more than enough material.” I try to reassure her but it feels weird and also sounds disingenuous coming out of my mouth.

She rests her chin in her palm on the counter and meets my eyes lazily, “I start the songs and I like where they’re going but then I lose them halfway through. I don’t think the girls are gonna like what I have.”

I take a deep breath and try my best to sound sincere because I am, but the action is new territory for me. “Don’t underestimate what you have. I’m sure it sounds just fine and the girls will like it. It’ll all come together when you guys are together.”

She shrugs and picks at the food, still not putting any in her mouth.

“Brody.”

She looks up at me but says nothing.

“It’ll be fine. Stop worrying,” I encourage her. I have no experience being sympathetic or empathetic with anyone aside from Lucy. I practically helped raise Lucy after boyfriend number nine left mom alone with a newborn. Lucy is the only girl that I have a soft spot for. I’d do anything for her, be anything for her, and kill anyone for her and I’m trying my best to funnel a little bit of that into Brody because I can see thatshe needs it right now.Maybe you need it too. My inner voice inserts before I push it away. I don’t need it. Not one bit.

Besides, Brody and I made a truce agreement and this is me upholding my end. That’s all this is.

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I SIT IN THEfar corner of the recording studio. Far enough away where Brody doesn’t feel suffocated by my presence but close enough where I’m still able to watch her closely. It’s not that I feel she needs the eagle eye on her like she needed three weeks ago, it’s that I don’t trust her friends one bit. Aria snorts so much cocaine I don’t even know how the girl is still alive and semi-functional and Ivory is such a dingbat I don’t think she knows how to count to ten while highorsober.

The two are horrible influences and I wish there was a way to keep them away from Brody. She’s on the right path but Aria and Ivory could throw her off that path and send her into a spiral. I noticed that Brody has a faraway look in her eyes when she’s around the girls now and I know exactly why without her having to say anything. She feels like the odd man out and she hates it. Aria and Ivory have no restrictions and they can do whatever they want but Brody can’t and it kills her. She feels left out and hurt and I can see it on her face whenever she’s around them and they’re higher than kites and laughing about things she isn’t in on or a part of.

Personally, I think Brody would be better off without them but that’s my opinion and I know it would never happen. They’re bandmates and best friends and that will never change. Still, watching the dynamic between these three while they’re making music makes me pity Brody. Part of me wants to not care about her emotions and whether or not she’s okay mentally but the other part of me, the stronger part of me, wants to whisk her out of here and back home where she may be bored but doesn’thave to feel left out and not included. That same part wants to continue making her breakfast every morning and joining her for movie nights. Shit, I really have gone soft…No. I scold myself internally.

A loud, shrieking laugh draws my attention from my conflicting thoughts and I look up to find Aria and Ivory laughing about something while Brody sits there and watches them, a frown on her face and a sad look in her eyes. Her hair is tied into a half-up half-down bun and she wears skinny jeans and a black cropped tank top that ends right under her breasts. The tanned skin of her stomach has been on display all day and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t imagining what the rest of her body looked like completely naked. Those thoughts wandered further into forbidden territory as I imagined what it would be like to touch every square inch of her bare flesh, the noises she would make, the expressions on her face. I shove the emotions away again as I have been all day, an internal war occurring inside me, and focus on what’s really important here.

Brody looks so defeated and the sight of her face like that causes a stabbing sensation in my chest that feels a lot like empathy even though I’d hate to admit it. Aria strides over to Brody with a sheet of loose leaf paper in hand. She hands it to Brody and Brody reads through it, her face contorting into a disgusted expression. “I’m not singing this.” She shakes her head as she speaks unwaveringly.

Aria stops in her tracks and Ivory looks shocked. “What do you mean you aren’t singing it?” Aria asks, defensiveness creeping into her tone.

Brody stands and crumbles the paper in her hands, tossing the ball at Aria’s face. “I mean, those lyrics are fucking stupid and I refuse to sing them.”

“Excuse me?” Aria snaps, taking a step towards Brody as if poised to attack. She wouldn’t touch her though, would she?I stiffen in my seat, leaning forward, ready to leap up at any moment to separate the two girls. Brody is average sized and I’m sure she can handle her own but Aria has about five inches on her and a little more muscle.

Brody doesn’t back down. She takes a step closer to Aria, lifting her chin up in defiance the way she does with me when she’s angry with me. “The lyrics are shit and you know it. I’m not singing a song called ‘Cum and Get It,’ Aria. That title is stupid and the lyrics are even stupider.”

Ivory speaks up, involving herself, “You would’ve liked it if you weren’t sober.”

“Exactly! Because it’s fucking stupid! Nobody is gonna want to listen to that.” Brody argues.

Aria’s body language changes and it looks like she’s fighting back the urge to put her hands on Brody. I watch her very closely because if she does decide to touch so much as a single hair on Brody’s head, I’ll snap on her myself. Brody is a thousand percent right in this situation but these two morons are so stupid they can’t see it. “Don’t shit talk my lyrics when you’ve been playing like shit all day. I mean seriously, how many times did you fuck up the beats and drop your sticks today, Sticks? You’re off your game and you suck.Nobody is gonna want to listen tothat.” She uses Brody’s own words against her. Aria is right on one front. Brody has been messing up a lot today, but I know it isn’t because she isn’t good at what she does. It’s because she’s rattled by the new dynamic of the band and it’s weighing heavy on her. She’s distracted which is why she’s messing up. She’s talented and damn good at what she does and everyone in this room knows it.

Brody loses her cool and shoves Aria hard in the chest, sending Aria stumbling a step before Aria charges her and pushes her back. Brody falls, her back hitting the stool she sits on to play the drums. Her ass hits the ground and before Ariacan do anything else, I’m between them, forming a protective barrier around Brody. “Back off,” I threaten, using every intimidation tactic in the book to ward the girl off.

Aria retreats a step and walks away, Ivory with her the entire time. It isn’t until they’re out of the room that I turn to offer Brody a hand up. She ignores my gesture and helps herself off the ground, grabbing her drumsticks and tucking them into the back pocket of her jeans. She sits on the stool and covers her face with her hands. I know I should probably leave and give her some space, but I don’t want to leave her completely alone. She needs someone right now and her friends aren’t acting like friends. They’re the root of her problems. “Hey.” I squat down in front of her and keep my voice low so she doesn’t feel alarmed or threatened by it.

She sighs. “Just go.”

I almost obey her. Almost. But I don’t. I can’t walk away from the little rockstar no matter how bad I wish I could. So instead of doing what’s probably the smart thing to do, I grab her small wrists gently and pry her hands away from her face to find her crying. She tries to hide her face, but the damage is already done. I saw it and she knows it. She cries silently, tears streaming down her face and I keep my voice calm and comforting, “You aren’t wrong, Little Rockstar. Everything you said to them was right, they just can’t see it because they’re high and not in the right mindset.”

She shakes her head. “This is where it starts, isn’t it?”

“Where what starts?” I ask, confusion rising to the surface of my voice.

She opens her eyes and looks at me, the sapphire color of her eyes standing out against the bloodshot whites. She looks so broken I wish that I could take all her pain and make it go away. “Them pushing me out of the band and replacing me.” Fresh tears stream down her cheeks.

I squeeze her wrists a little tighter, “That isn’t gonna happen.”

She shakes her head. “Yes, it will. It’s only a matter of time.”

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