Page 29 of The Masks We Wear

I pull the first aid kid out from under the cabinet and open the small red box. Just as I start rifling through the box for the proper supplies, my bathroom door barges open and I jolt, a squeal tearing from my throat. Harvey stands in the doorway, changed into a pair of loose fitted sweatpants and a black t-shirt. “What are you doing?” I ask, my tone outraged.

He assesses the state I’m in and strides over to me, stealing the first aid supplies from my grip. I watch in silence, completely awed, as he starts cleaning my scratches with gentle fingers. He applies a thin layer of healing ointment after and avoids my eyes the entire time. “Put ice on your cheek,” he instructs before taking a step back to retreat from my room.

“Stop,” I command him. He doesn’t get to walk away from me after ignoring me for days and then take care of me when I have a few scratches. He stops in the doorway and slowly turns around, his movements full of regret and discomfort. I cross my arms over my chest, “Is there something wrong with me or something?” I ask, needing to know the answer. It’s been on my mind since he walked out of that room.

He blinks slowly and then shakes his head, “There’s nothing wrong with you. Why would you ask that?” He looks up at me through dark lashes and I feel the breath get stolen from my lungs.

“Because you just walked away and didn’t talk to me for days. You went back to treating me like something you’d scrape off the bottom of your shoe,” I snap, raising my voice. I didn’t want to reveal just how bothered I was by what he did, how insecure it made me feel.

He sighs, “What we did was a mistake, Brody. It should never have happened.”

Rejection pierces a hole right through my chest with a scalding hot branding iron. “Is that what this has been about? Ignoring me?Youkissedme, remember?” I remind him.

Harvey rubs the spot between his eyes with his index finger and thumb. “Yes, I remember, and it was a mistake. You are my client. I should never have crossed that line with you, and it will never happen again.”

I snort a laugh even though I want to curl in on myself, “You’re implying I’d ever want you to touch me again.”

He just stares at me for a fleeting moment in silence. I feel my cheeks turn red with my embarrassment. The truth is that I do want him to touch me again. I want him to do what he did to me the other night, again, and more. I’ve never felt as messy or as wild as I did with Harvey and that’s saying a lot because I’m a fucking rockstar for fucks sake. I’ve never been with someone who’s been so in control and who was capable of making me feel that way and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it all again, with Harvey.

We’d never actually work as anything non casual. He’s a stuck up, control freak who’s probably never taken a sip of alcohol in his life and I’m an all-over-the-place rockstar with a tendency to take too many drugs and drink too much whiskey. He wakes upat the crack ass of dawn to work out and I wake up at noon after drinking all night the night before, only to start drinking again. He craves order and I crave chaos. With all of these differences, we’d be doomed for failure before we even started but it feels nearly impossible to stay away.

He relaxes his shoulders, “Good, then I guess we’re on the same page. It will never happen again and we will go back to having a professional relationship.” He gestures between the two of us with his pointer finger.

I raise an apathetic brow, “Sounds good to me.” I lie. I clench my jaw so tight; my gums start to hurt.

“It’s settled then. Goodnight.” He nods at me before he turns around and walks away from me almost as quickly as he walked away from me the other night.

It felt shitty to get walked out on the first time and those wounds scabbed over. Him walking away from me tonight just reopened them. I exhale a pent-up breath before I close the bathroom door and lock it behind me. I turn the shower on scalding hot and strip out of my clothes.

I step into the shower and hope the water will wash away the memory of Harvey touching, kissing, licking, but it won’t go away no matter how hard I try. The night in the studio plays on a loop in my mind, wringing emotions out of me I’d rather not dissect. I scrub my scalp with some shampoo and force myself to push my wavering emotions towards Harvey aside. He obviously doesn’t feel the way I feel about that night and he regrets it, so that should speak for itself. We may have made progress when we made our truce and formed an almost friendship but that progress is a faded memory now.

chapter 15

Harvey

Unbelievable. My actions areunbelievable. Finger fucking a client on a piano bench after kissing her senselessly? Unbelievable and highly unprofessional. I havenevercrossed that line with a client, nor have I ever been tempted to and then Brody Drake walks in. She feels like my own personal temptation sent from the Devil. If this ever got out, my reputation in my industry would be destroyed, everything I’ve ever worked my ass off for, ruined. My contract could be terminated before our three months are over if Selene finds out about this.

My business would never recover from a hit like this to its reputation, which is why I have to ensure it never happens again no matter how bad I want it to. I enjoyed my lapse in judgment a little too much with Brody and I knew immediately after that it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life.

I have to put distance between us if I want to keep my job and ensure my reputation is intact. That night, walking away from her felt like it was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night. My mind kept going back to her. Her writhing beneath me, the sounds she makes when she comes, the little gasps she sucks in when her back arches from her pleasure, and her coming undone because ofme. I didn’t want to stop there, but I knew I had to. When presented with the choice between Brody and my business, my business will win every time.

Besides, Brody and I are not suitable for each other. She’s awalking tsunami and I’m a steady sea. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself every time she enters the room, looking as tempting as ever. When she walks into the room, she glows and when she leaves, the room feels darker. I tried my best to ignore her and put distance between us and then she had to get herself into trouble at the studio, brawling with Aria and Ivory. I’ll admit, Brody did get a few good punches or scratches on the other girls, but Aria is a force to be reckoned with. The girl is a wild animal and I felt my chest cave in on itself when she put her hands on Brody.

One thing I know for certain is that Brody can handle herself. She’s proved it on multiple occasions with her “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. Another thing I know for certain, I can not stand the sight of her injured. It makes my skin crawl. Seeing her face scratched up set off a primal part of me I didn’t know I had and knowing two women were to blame set me off even more considering there was nothing I could do to defend her. It isn’t my job to defend her, but I can’t help but want to. That’s why I felt obligated to patch her up when we got home. I couldn’t harm anyone in her defense, so I had to settle for patching her up. The image of her face like that in my head, set me off and I couldn’t sit still.

I wasn’t expecting for her to confront me about my distance that night, though. She looked hurt and offended and I wished more than anything that I could’ve done something to stop her from looking that way and feeling that way but what could I have done? I can’t be honest with her for fear of losing my job and hurting my business, and I want to lose myself in a fit of rage after lying to her about regretting what we did.

In the week that’s passed, I’ve tried to push the memories and thoughts of her from my mind with great effort and poor results. I’ve continued to put distance between us and she seems to be doing the same which irritates me. I know it’s hypocritical ofme, but I can’t bring myself to care.

I have loosened up on my coldness towards her only slightly and that is due to the fact that she’s been obscenely anxious lately. We’re on a plane flying to Nevada, my home state, with the whole band and crew, Selene included. Aria, Ivory, and Brody sit together on the couch while the rest of us take up the seats on the sides of the plane. In the days before we left, Brody was anxious. She wasn’t sleeping and I know this because I heard faint piano melodies coming from the basement at odd hours of the night and she was barely eating, just picking at her food and never finishing anything. I never asked her if she was okay, not wanting to get too personal with her after how that ended last time, but I’ve wanted to. My concern for her grows as I watch her every minute, fidgeting with something or just looking uncomfortable and on edge.

Her friends are surprisingly sober, something I didn’t know was possible, and they either notice and don’t acknowledge Brody’s discomfort or they just don’t notice or don’t care. The first show is tonight in Vegas and after that, the girls have three days off to work in a studio Selene rented for them. That seems to be the order of events for the entire tour.

“Brody,” Selene interrupts my inner conflict by calling the cause of my issues. Brody looks up at Selene and Selene continues. “Did you invite your parents to the show?”

Brody shakes her head and looks down at her hands in her lap. “Nope.”

Selene frowns, “What about Andrew?” I know who Andrew is. That’s Brody’s brother that she’s close with.

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