Page 56 of The Masks We Wear

“Us.”

There it is. There’s my heart getting ripped clean out of my chest. I exhale, “Did I do something?”

He shakes his head, running his fingers through his hair in a show of anxiousness, something I’ve never seen him do before. Whatever he has to say must be serious if it’s got him this twisted up. He drops his hands a moment later and looks at me, his eyes narrowing as he frowns, “Brody, I’m terminating our contract and going back home to Nevada.”

I suck in a surprised breath and cover my mouth with my hand. My face leeches of all color as my eyes widen. “What?” I ask, my voice shaky.

He gives me a pained expression, “What we’re doing is wrong. We both should’ve put a stop to our personal relationship a long time ago before it got to the point that your feelings were involved. It was my job as a professional to make sure that you stayed clean, sober, and out of trouble and I succeeded in that job. You don’t need me anymore which is why I’m leaving.”

Your feelings.His words replay in my head. He saidmyfeelings and not his meaning he doesn’t have any for me. I feel betrayed by his words, by the distance he placed between us.I thought I meant something to him the same way he means something to me but I was so wrong. My eyes water with treacherous tears and I’m so overwhelmed with a combination of anger and sadness in this moment that I don’t notice when a tear rolls down my cheek. “My feelings? What about yours because I know this wasn’t one sided, Harvey.”

He shakes his head at me, “I don’t have feelings for you.”

My heart cracks and tears in two at his words. Fresh tears pour down my cheeks. “So what was all this to you, then? A fucking game?” The betrayal in my tone is clear.

He gives me a stony expression, “You knew from the beginning that it was just physical, Brody. We both went into this knowing that. I’m sorry you got hurt, it was never my intention to hurt you. We both knew there was a clock ticking from the beginning and that when the contract ended, we’d go back to our separate lives in separate states and worlds.”

I look down to avoid his eyes. I can’t even look at him right now. The whole time, this was just sex to him and nothing else, but for me? It wasn’t just sex to me. It was falling in love with someone I never would’ve imagined I’d fall in love with. It was feeling safe, cared for, and protected by someone for the first time in a long time and it felt like coming home after being on a ten-year tour. I fell for him, heart and soul and all I was to him was a fuck and a paycheck. “Forgive me for thinking I meant something to you when you meant everything to me,” my voice cracks on tears at the back of my throat.

He squeezes his eyes shut and looks down so that he doesn’t have to look at me. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what? For making me fall for you or for leaving?” I demand.

“For both,” he says, his voice coming out low, wretched.

I shake my head, “When are you leaving?” I change the subject.

He gives me a hard look, “This was my goodbye. I have my suitcase waiting in the car.”

A sob escapes my throat and I try to muffle it by covering my mouth with my hand but it’s too late. He sees the mess I am and he hears the sob escape me. I cover my face with my hands in a weak attempt at hiding myself. I hear his footsteps getting closer to me and they stop as he reaches out and cups my face in his rough palms, palms that once comforted me and made me feel safe. Now they just remind me of what I’m about to lose when he leaves this dressing room. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs and I let him, why do I let him? He lowers his voice, leaning in close, “I’m so fucking proud of you, Brody. You’ve come so far in such a short amount of time and that isn’t my doing, it was entirely yours. You wanted to get better and you did and I just guided you while you did all the work. I want you to stay this way because you’re the best version of yourself that you can be when you’re clean and sober and you know it. You’re capable of accomplishing anything you set your sights on and you have the ability to captivate millions of people with the sound of your voice and that brilliantly creative mind of yours.”

More sobs wrack my chest at his words. He’s giving me whiplash with how he pushes me away only to pull me back in. “Promise me one thing before I leave?”

“What?” I croak.

“Keep the mask off, Brody. Show them who you are. Prove them wrong,” he says before he leans in and kisses my forehead. He takes a step back a second later, forcing distance between us. We exchange one long, hard look before he turns on his heel and walks away from me like it’s nothing. Meanwhile, I’m here trying to keep the shattered pieces of myself together so they don’t fall and scatter all over the floor.

He opens the door and takes a step out, looking at me one last time over his shoulder. “Goodbye, Little Rockstar.” Are the lastwords Harvey Taylor says to me before he closes my dressing room door behind himself, leaving me alone with a broken heart and ocean of tears.

Chapter 23

Harvey

I thought life afterBrody Drake would be easy, a walk in the park, but oh how I was wrong. From the moment I boarded the plane back to Nevada, I felt numb. I continued to feel numb when I landed, the whole ride back to my house, and after stepping foot in my house. Though I knew it was impossible, part of me wished I would step inside and Brody would be there waiting for me. Part of me hoped she’d forgive me and that the house would look identical to her Japanese inspired home.

Imagine my disappointment when I forced myself to be rational and logical.Iwalked away from her,Idid this, and nowIhave to deal with the consequences of my actions. The consequences in question? I can’t sleep, I can barely remember to eat, and that precious routine I once had? I have absolutely no desire to get back into it. I walk around my minimalist house from room to room like a ghost, miserable, and chest empty because I left my beating heart in Florida with Brody.

I walked away because that’s what I’ve always done when things got too hard. I went to the military when I had too much responsibility on my shoulders when I was eighteen. I sold my company when it got too big to manage and now I left the only woman I’ve ever had feelings for because it was too hard to admit to her and myself that I loved her and look where that got me. Alone in a huge house, feeling numb from head to toe.

It was two days before I saw Lucy, I didn’t want to be a downer when she came over but being alone became too much and I needed her more than anything. I needed the light shebrings by just entering the room and when she came over, it took one look at my face and the light inside her dimmed. Mom was okay with Lucy staying here for a while as expected, and I thought having her here would make me feel less numb, less empty, but it hasn’t, which worries me more.

It’s been a week since I left the woman I love behind, broken and aggrieved. By now she should be in New Jersey on her second to last show. I wonder if the girls ended up finishing the album. I wouldn’t know because every time I text Selene for updates on Brody, she won’t give me any. She just says,If you care so much, why did you leave?And I never have a response. I wonder what Brody is doing right now, if she’s playing the drums or singing lyrics Aria and Ivory wrote. I miss her voice, her scent, her smile, everything about her. “Hello?” A small voice calls from behind me, grabbing my attention from where I got lost inside my head making breakfast.

I turn to find Lucy frowning at me from where she sits at the island. I force a smile for her, “What’s up?”

“I’ve been calling you for like two minutes,” Lucy complains.

I plate her breakfast and slide it over to her, remembering how I used to make Brody breakfast before the tour started. I wish I could go back to those days and savor the time we wasted hating each other. I wish I could’ve had more time. “Sorry, I zoned out for a second.”

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