Page 60 of The Masks We Wear

She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean. Now, tell me.”

I take a deep breath and feel the tears coming. “I fell in love with someone and I thought there was a chance he could’ve felt the same way but instead, he left me and told me I was just sex to him.” I give her the cliff notes. If I tell her the whole story, I’ll be a sobbing mess and then I won’t make it to the show tonight.

She frowns, “How could someone not fall in love with you?”

I give her a dark look as a treacherous tear rolls down mycheek. I quickly wipe it away with the sleeve of my crew neck.

She gives me a pitiful look, scooching in so that she’s closer to me. “I know what a broken heart feels like. I know it isn’t a good feeling. With time, it does get better though. It’s like there’s a box in our heads labeled ‘storage’ and as time passes, you move your memories of him into the box and the pain never goes away completely but you can put it in the storage box.”

My face conveys pure doubt. “That’s easy for you to say when you’re engaged to the guy you had a broken heart over.”

She sighs, “Brody, I’m trying to be comforting.”

I throw my head back on the back of the couch and complain. “Alice is a therapist. Where is she when you need her?” I ask, bringing Ivy’s half sister up. The two are inseparable and I’ve never seen a relationship as strong as theirs. They’d give anything for each other no matter the consequences or circumstances. I mean, Ivy quite literally sold her soul to the Devil for Alice. Well, not literally but…kind of.

Ivy laughs, “She’s busy being a therapist. She has a bunch of patients today. Doesn’t matter though, you’ll see her tonight.”

This catches my attention. I look up at her and raise a questioning brow, “You guys are all coming to the show?”

Ivy nods, “Jason, Mason, Alice, and I will be there.”

“No Sebastian and Scar?”

Ivy grins, “They’re off in Australia having wild sex on every surface of that hotel room.”

I scoff, “Must be nice.”

Ivy laughs, “We’ll be there with you tonight though. I’m excited to watch you perform.” My face must show her the anxiety inside me because she places a hand on mine, “Look, I know it’s hard because the wounds are fresh, but you have millions of people who love you, literally. On the inside, you have Aria and Ivory, Selene, me, Alice, and your brother. You have an amazing support system and it’s totally okay to not beokay. Let us help you and comfort you, that’s what we’re here for.”

I nod, “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’re here right now. That you’re coming later. I feel like shit and I’ve let it affect the people close to me. I feel so awful,” I frown, sighing in exhaustion as I rub my eyes.

“It’s never too late to fix things. Trust me, I learned the hard way,” Ivy admits.

“You’re right.”

She preens, “I always am.”

I roll my eyes but her tone shifts, becoming more serious. “You’re a better person than me, B. I know you and I know you’ll find a way to fix things between you and the girls.” She flares her nostrils, a vengeful expression on her face, “And when it comes to this guy, if you want me to kill him, just let me know. I can make it look like an accident,” she offers and I get goosebumps on my arms. The scary part about that was that she’s serious. Dead fucking serious.

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THIS IS IT, THElast show. Most likely my last show ever. I sit backstage, the hair and makeup team going to work on my face and hair. As I sit in the chair with strangers shoving brushes around my eyes, my mind wanders. It goes to that place Harvey occupies and reminds me of all that I’ve lost. After my talk with Ivy earlier, my mind wanders to that place with all that I’ve gained too. Sure, my heart feels like it was ripped out of my chest and squeezed in his palm. Yes, it hurt like hell but the best moments were so worth it. All that I’ve become these last few months makes feeling empty on the inside worth it.

At the beginning of my time with Harvey, I was addicted to cocaine, addicted to alcohol, wreckless, and out of control all because that’s who I thought the world wanted me to be. I wasso afraid of no longer being relevant, of losing my fame and then my fans, of losing my friends, my dreams, all of it. I was so scared I would lose it all and end up a washed up rockstar, stuck with only my miserable parents and my awesome little brother. I lost myself in my fear so much that I became someone I wasn’t. It took an intervention in the form of a live-in babysitter to make me realize that.

Harvey may have broken my heart but he also set it free. He made me realize my faults and peeled the edge of my mask up, leaving the rest of the work for me. Now? It’s fully removed. This could be my last show ever and I refuse to spend it pretending to be someone I’m not. The entire world will see the woman I’ve become, emotional scars and all.

The makeup artist takes a step away, allowing me to take in the sight of myself. My jaw nearly drops when I see my reflection in the mirror. My makeup has never looked better. I have my usual smoky shadow but she added silver glitter on the outer edges of my eyelids. The glitter stops on the tops of my cheekbones but what I love most about it is the fact that every piece of glitter is a star, all different sizes, but stars all the same. I love it so much I could cry. The hairstylist steps away next, leaving the completed look for me to take in. My hair ties in perfectly with my makeup, silver stars woven into the chains that decorate my sunshine strands. I look ethereal, like a goddess of the night sky.

I thank them before they leave and my stylist enters, quickly helping me into my outfit. She helps me into a pair of granny panties and a bra that match my skin tone perfectly, almost making me look naked. She then adds a skirt and matching cropped top above and my eyes sparkle when they land on the pieces. They aren’t clothing at all, they’re silver stars, cut out in different sizes and strung together to form a top and skirt. The skin beneath is revealed which is why she put the nude bra andpanties on me, but the look is so perfect, I feel a tug in my chest. I guess I’ll be going out in style after all.

She slips a pair of silver ankle boots on my feet and leaves the room right after, most likely heading into Aria or Ivory’s dressing rooms. I wish I could spend the last show with the girls not hating me but I understand why they’re so hurt. We had so many ups and downs these last few months. From fist fighting, to arguing, to hugging and crying, all of it, we did it and we did it together. We were so close to finishing that album only to fall one song short.

I sit on the couch in my dressing room and sigh. One measly song ruined it all and will most likely be the reason the girls never forgive me. Just when I was starting to feelseenby them truly for the first time, I had to go and ruin it all.

My dressing room door opens and I look up to see who it is. I smile weakly when I see Selene. She gives me her signature, confident smile, “How are you feeling?”

I give her a look of defeat, “Like I ruined everything.”

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