Page 10 of Dead to Me

‘Do you know any of the third-year English students at Jesus?’Esther asked me.‘My friend Tilly’s there.’

It was only a polite comment, I was sure.An attempt to find connections.But I was suddenly very aware of how thin my facade of being a student was.And even more aware of the little recording device I was wearing underneath the dress.

Luca, totally unfazed, gave a laugh.‘No chance.Even the postgrads hardly see her.She’s always fucking rowing.’

I couldn’t help grinning at him, while pretending to be outraged.He was a natural at this.

‘I do talk to peoplesometimes,’I protested.‘When they’re not being boring.’

I felt as though I’d somehow slid past the difficult moment and into my character.It’s always better after the first lie’s been told.Just like I always used to feel more comfortable after I’d delivered my first line in a college play or spoken my first words in a debate speech.

Esther asked me a few questions that I answered easily.Fluently.She spoke to me for long enough to find out about my apparent family, and she warmed up a little more.Clearly I’d passed some kind of social status test as far as she was concerned.She even got a blandly handsome boy– Cosimo, maybe?The recording isn’t clear– to make me a cocktail.I wondered whether this was, in fact, a boyfriend, but she seemed uninterested in what happened to him once he went to make the drinks.

I would have gone on to ask her about what she did, as though I didn’t already know she was a social and political sciences student, but a figure I recognised as Kit Frankland pushed through the crowd.

I found my eyes locking onto him, and felt as if he’d caught me out.For a moment I genuinely thought he was about to eject me from the party for being a fraud.

But instead of looking my way he drew Esther aside with only a brief glance in my direction.

Calm the heck down,I thought, taking a very large mouthful of sickly-sweet cocktail.They’re just a bunch of kids at a party.

But I found my eyes following them and saw Kit glance back at me again as Esther said something.I gave him a small smile, the kind of smile you might give if you were aware you were standing in someone’s room, and then I turned to grin at Luca.

‘I’m so glad I made it out,’ I told him.‘It’s genuinely nice to see you.’

Luca gave me a nod and said quietly, ‘I’ll give it a minute before I do any more intros.You good?’

‘I’m good,’ I said.

And he turned to talk to someone next to him in such a way that I could almost look like I was involved without having to be.

I half watched them, but glanced over towards Kit and Esther again repeatedly.Their eyes were no longer on me, which helped ease my ridiculous anxiety.They were huddled together with someone, and as I shifted slightly I realised it was Sarah Lafferty, Kit’s girlfriend.

I watched him hand something to each of them.They both put their hands to their mouths straight afterwards, swiftly and subtly.

A tab,I thought.MDMA, maybe?They’re getting high.

I made sure I was looking anywhere else after that, as the last thing I wanted to do was get caught watching them take it.But it interested me that Kit had a supply of drugs.I wondered if he was essentially acting as a dealer to the others.Ifso, that might make him more likely to be the one to have drugged Holly with ketamine.

I thought, too, about how Cordelia had ended up ostracised by the group.He could have engineered that just as readily if he’d been worried he’d get exposed as a dealer.There was a huge threat to his career– as well as his place here at the university– if the wrong people found out.

What if they do actually work out the connection between Cordelia and Luca?I thought, suddenly.

I detached from him and moved towards the stereo system.If they saw me with other people they wouldn’t associate me with Luca too closely.

The stereo system was, obviously, elaborate and clearly expensive.Pale oak tower speakers on either side of the two windows and a huge sub-woofer next to a desk on which someone had perched both an amplifier and a laptop.There was a tall, broad figure hunched over it, strawberry-blond head nodding to the beat, and it was only as I got closer that I recognised him as Ryan Jaffett.

I came to a stop, figuring I’d take an opportunity to watch him while he was engrossed, but it turned out Ryan was more anxious about what everyone thought of his tastes than he wanted to let on.He glanced up and around the room and caught my eye.

It’s too early to talk to him,I thought, giving Ryan a vague smile and letting my gaze slide away.You can’t seem like you’re here to move in on them all.

I tipped my glass back and turned to ask one of the girls next to me if she knew where the bathrooms were.It took two goes for her to hear me, long enough for it to hopefully seem like a proper conversation.Enough for Ryan to lose any interest and go back to lining up playlists.

But when I squeezed my way towards the door I foundRyan standing right in front of it, his gaze boring into me.He wassomuch taller than I’d realised, taller than me in my heels, and intimidatingly powerful-looking in his tight T-shirt.

I felt my stomach twist as he stared down at me.

‘And where do you think you’re going?’

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