Page 13 of Dead to Me

Seaton had stood watching over her shoulder.He’d read a little of what she’d been pouring out into the email and it had made his heart ache.

In the end he’d said gently, ‘Listen.Break-ups are… they’re hard.Sometimes the hardest things.Like grieving, really.But… nobodyowesyou being in a relationship with them.And they don’t owe you any of their time once they’ve broken it off, either.’

He remembered how she’d stopped typing and had given a long sigh.‘I’m not asking him to change his mind, Dad.I’m telling him about all of this.The Holly stuff.All theother things…I’ll edit them out.It’s just cathartic.’

Seaton had nodded, hoping she was being honest with him.‘Why are you telling him about Holly?’

‘Because I know he’d do something about it if everything went wrong,’ she’d said, and looked up at him with an unusually vulnerable expression.‘And it’s good to have a backup, in case.You know.’

Seaton had sat himself next to her.‘You do realise I’m… you know.Happy to be your backup.’

Anna had half smiled.‘I know.But it’s also good to have someone who can start a full-scale manhunt if they need to.’

Remembering the phrase felt like a punch in the stomach.She’d known, on some level, hadn’t she?She’d understood what she’d stirred up.And a full-scale manhunt was what he now needed.

But Reid Murray?he thought with a surge of anger.The man who broke her heart over nothing?

Anna hadn’t told him everything about their break-up– their relationship didn’t have the kind of easy openness for that.But Seaton had been the one to pick up the pieces when Reid had dumped her without warning, and what little shehadtold him had made him want to drive round to Reid’s house and lay the man out.

Of course he was biased towards his daughter, but how had Reid believed all those things?How had he decided that Anna had betrayed him, and cared only about her career?

Reid hadn’t been the man she’d thought.That was clear.He’d let her down, badly, at a time when she’d already been fragile.He wouldn’t have blamed her for hating him.

So why did she write to him?

It made him feel angry on her behalf, that she’d still chosen Reid when he’d let her down so completely.And perhaps angry on his own, that she’d picked Reid over him.But on some level he knew why: she’d written because she still trusted him.Even after everything he’d done.

He found himself pulling his phone out once again, poised on the verge of doing something that might be exactly what Anna had wanted… or might be a huge betrayal of her trust.

If she hadn’t sent the email to him, and she hadn’t spoken to him in a year and a half, did he really have the right to call Reid in?

But if she never had the chance to send it I might be the only one who can do the right thing,he thought.

And with a sigh he unlocked his phone.

‘You’d better not let her down again,’ he muttered to himself, as he searched for Reid’s number.

7.Anna

I think the moment when Ryan stood a fraction closer than I wanted, waiting for me to reply, was the first moment in all this that I felt afraid.

It’s a hard thing to really explain to anyone who’s never experienced it: how much the size and presence and aura of a guy can cut through all the layers of social assumption you’ve learned and make you realise that you’d be powerless if he wanted to hurt you.Totally powerless.

Even in a room full of people.

I guess it’s in some ways lucky that we’re all of us used to appeasing when under threat.My instinctive reaction when challenged on where I was going was not to give anything away to him but to laugh and say, ‘Well, I may be going home.But that depends.’

Ryan listened to my answer, glanced around, and then said, ‘You should stay.You haven’t even talked to me yet.’

He gave me a grin, and I realised that the way he’d accosted me had been an effort at flirting.He hadn’t been accusing me of anything, or trying to scare me.

I let out a breath that I hoped he couldn’t see was shaky.

I caught his eye,I thought to myself.This is a good thing.

Cordelia had clearly been right about his type.

I gathered myself together and managed to say, ‘I might be persuaded if you’re going to be fascinating enough.’

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