Page 15 of Dead to Me

‘Sounds like our parents should hang out,’ Ryan said with a weird, unhappy little smile.‘Mine could tell yours how important sport is and how they wished I was better at it.They could share anecdotes about our inadequacy.’

He gave a laugh, and drank suddenly, and I got the impression he was embarrassed at oversharing.

‘They can hang out on an island somewhere,’ I said.‘Fuck ’em.If they aren’t proud of us, they’re idiots.Look at us.’I raised my arms and gave him a brilliant smile.‘We’re awesome.’

Ryan gave a slow smile, and then clinked his glass against mine, but whatever he opened his mouth to say next waslost to the arrival of a couple of older-looking guys.They bounded up to him, and one of them got Ryan into an almost immediate headlock.

I watched a switch go in Ryan.The unguarded, fragile side to him was immediately shut away, and he became a loud, bantering, backslappinglad.And it didn’t take me long to realise why.

These were his older brother’s friends.A pair of twenty-eight-year-old ex-rugby-playing lawyers.

It was easy enough playing along with their noisy camaraderie.I recognised their type more readily than I did the rest of the students here.I’d had to flirt with enough guys like this during my time.

They were the kind who would continue to be hard-drinking, slightly bullying wielders of power, and many of them would go on to break laws.And they would all of them be willing to share way too much to a spellbound, innocent-seeming young woman they were trying to impress.

One of the two (I can’t even remember their names, Reid.I want to say Hector, maybe, but in my head they’re all Hectors or Percies or something)– one of them went to get a cluster of shot glasses.Eight of them.They were full of tequila, and it was clear that I was expected to have two of them as well.

It slightly surprised me that Ryan held up a hand.‘Not really drinking tonight, fam.’

‘That’s simp talk,’ the guy with the shots said.‘Seriously, take a look at yourself.’

I saw Ryan hesitate, and then take the two offered shots without more argument.

He can’t stand up to them,I thought.

The shots were a clear end to our conversation.Ryan was too much into competitive drinking and rugby anecdotes now.

I slid away, not sure Ryan had even noticed, and lookedfor a quick way to escape the crush.Which basically meant the window.

Getting over the windowsill was an interesting climb in a short dress, but I think I managed it without showing theentireroom my newly bought (and actually quite nice, by the way, Reid) underwear.

It was a relief to be out there, away from my immediate worry that I wasn’t going to be able to do what I came here to do.Ryan was supposed to be fascinated by me, not by some friends of his brothers.

I sighed and tried to breathe out the doubts.There were only a few students hanging around outside, despite the fact that the air was a wonderful temperature and you could still hear the music with perfect clarity.It was also beautiful out there, with that huge, open lawn and the colonnaded buildings around it.

I found a free spot along the wall between a couple of windows and leaned back against it.Should I just leave at this point?Try again on another occasion?But how many parties were there going to be?These guys had exams going on.Finals.They’d be studying more and partying less, and I only had three and a half weeks until the end of term, at which point I’d lose them all to home and vacations and future lives.

I needed them to let me in.Quickly.

I was on the point of braving the crush again, this time to go and talk to Kit, when a puff of exotic-fruit vape smoke made me glance around.I hadn’t looked properly at any of the students out here, I guess partly because I figured I’d seen most of my targets inside.So it caught me a little by surprise to recognise the undeniably handsome face and long, floppy fringe of James Sedgewick from his social media photos.

I couldn’t help taking a longer look.He was very much on his own, and seemed profoundly closed off to everyone else.He had the look of someone who’d been on the verge of leaving for some while.There was a ‘done with this’ vibe to him.

I sensed a possible rift to exploit, and so I moved in.And, Reid, please don’t try to pretend you wouldn’t have talked to him, too.I know you, and you would have been in there as determinedly as I was.

‘Jesus, it’s hot in there,’ I said to him after a second or two to gather my thoughts.‘I still don’t understand why air conditioning can’t be a thing around here.’

James gave a little snorting laugh and then said, ‘It would ruin the authentic Cambridge experience.Remember, if it was good enough in 1760, it’s good enough for us now.’

‘True– why change?’I agreed.‘In fact, I’m shocked Kit doesn’t have a live lute band.Kind of killing the vibe with his sound system.’

‘Oh, but that’s the thing,’ James said, glancing over at me, and then away.‘Some of us still have to be the nobility, and some of us still have to be the plebs.Kit is the nobility.So he has towers made in Sweden from three-hundred-year-old oaks and…’ He waved his hand, searching for an appropriate addition to this.

‘Speakers crafted from moose gut?’I suggested.‘With electronic circuits put together by elves?’

James gave a smile.‘That kind of thing.’

The whole conversation gave me a deep feeling of satisfaction.It was clear that James felt disillusioned by his friend, and in that disillusionment there lay the chance of driving a wedge between them.

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