Page 37 of Dead to Me

I felt a strange little twist just then, realising that Dad had been boasting to Philip about achievements of Aria’s when he’d clearly never told him anything at all about my own.

‘Well, I’ll only be rowing GB if I can stay in the squad,’ I countered, wryly, trying to keep my head in the game.‘Which means both being faster than three other bow-siders and not pissing Nat– our head coach– off so much he drops me.’

‘Always the hardest challenge,’ Philip said with a twinkle.‘My daughter used to row for the university,’ he added.‘Olivia,’ he called, to James’s curly-haired beauty of a sister.She was currently talking to a group of what looked like PhD students.‘Come and meet my friend’s god-daughter.You two can bore each other about rowing.’

‘I’m only ever fascinating about rowing,’ Olivia said, coming over with a grin.‘But I do miss it like mad.Want to go out in a pair in the morning?’

My concerns about being found out evaporated quickly amid the warm and lively welcome of James’s family.His mother, Marcie, who drifted over after a few minutes, was a quieter, softer version of the others.A decade or so younger than Philip at what I guessed was mid-forties she also looked fascinatingly like James, her dark hair longer and her height a couple of inches shy of his but her eyes and cheekbones just the same.There was a warmth in the way she watched her children that made me feel a little pang of longing.I don’t think Mom has ever looked at me like that.

The Sedgewicks were, in summary, all easy to talk to and hard to dislike.This despite the way they mentioned trips to the Caribbean and their house in the south of France as if these were normal things.Like James, they wore their wealth lightly, and I immediately enjoyed the way they challenged and gently ribbed each other over everything.All except gentler Marcie, who largely tutted and smiled at them and told them not to be such bullies.

‘I do try with them, you know,’ she muttered to me in resigned amusement after Olivia had been harsh to her brother about his hair.‘But Philip’s genes won.’

‘Well, James got your looks,’ I told her.‘Which is a win.’

‘Don’t let James hear you say so,’ she said, conspiratorially.‘He’d much rather believe he looked like his soldier uncle.If he has to have the Buckley looks, you can see why he’d choose gruff, military captain Eddie over looking, well… beautiful, I suppose.’

‘Ahh, come on!’I protested.‘James is, like, the handsomest man on the planet!’

Marcie gave me a slightly thoughtful look, and I realised she probably thought I wasinterestedin James.I decided on a quick subject change, and because I was there to work I decided to bring up Holly.It seemed safe enough, now that both James and Esther had mentioned her to me.

‘I’m sorry he’s had such a rough time,’ I said, quietly.‘It must have hit all of you, what happened to Holly.’

I saw Marcie’s eyes go from thoughtful to glimmering.

‘It– it did,’ she said, looking away from me.‘You know, I struggled a lot with feeling selfish after she died.I missed her for myself, as a friend.It was so nice having another young woman around who hadn’t grown up with all this.’She waved a hand at the lushly decorated room, somehow summing up the ridiculous extravagance of it all with that one gesture.‘We were the two outsiders.The ones who didn’t ski or sit on a horse from five years old.’She shook her head.‘Anyone who can make their mother-in-law feel like they have an ally is a special person.’

‘Well, it sounds like she was lucky to have you, too,’ I said.‘Having a family welcome you in is pretty special.’

The trouble withthat, obviously, was it was right back to sounding like I was trying to be James’s new girlfriend.Something I only realised after I’d said it.

It was a relief when Philip interrupted us straight afterwards.

‘You must let me escort you to your seat, Aria,’ he said, holding out a hand.‘We’re in danger of stopping you from sitting with your friends.’

I glanced toward the tables and saw that they were beginning to fill up.Kit, Ryan and Esther were already sitting, and James was squeezing his way past the line of chairs on the far side.There were only two seats left near them, and Esther was looking round at me anxiously.

‘Oh, thanks,’ I said to Philip, taking his hand formally.

I could still feel Marcie’s thoughtful gaze on me as he led me away, but Philip himself seemed to assume I must want to sit next to Ryan rather than James, and I decided to leave him with that impression.

‘It’s been a pleasure to meet you,’ James’s father said,pulling the chair out for me.‘I’ll look forward to seeing you again soon.’

‘Thanks,’ I said, giving him a brilliant smile.

To my surprise, the last seat was taken a moment later by Kit’s girlfriend, Sarah.My guess about this being a core-group-only event had clearly been wrong.

I smiled at her as she sat down, realising that she was looking over at me.

‘I didn’t know you were coming,’ Sarah said, immediately.And I felt a jab of fellow feeling, the two of us for some reason being kept out of the loop.

‘Esther got her a ticket,’ Kit said, breezily, apparently unconcerned that Sarah was not next to him.After that he sank quickly into outraged banter about being accused of plagiarism over a mock exam essay he had– in fact– plagiarised.This seemed fairly typical of Kit, from what I’d learned so far.

Sarah laughed, but I saw her eyes cut across to me again and again, whoever I was talking to.Her opinion on me seemed to have shifted since the last meet-up, and I couldn’t quite suss out what was going on there, or why my presence specifically bothered her.But I knew it was something that could go either way: something I could use in my favour, or something that might ruin everything if I wasn’t careful.

The wine tasting itself ended up being a lot less stressful than I’d predicted, anyway.Now that I’d made a stand as someone who didn’t care about the theory, I felt free to resist all efforts at giving flavour notes and instead commented on whether I liked them or not.Or as I decided to put it, ‘Bullshit or not bullshit.’

Somehow my refusal to play along had a direct effect on Esther, too.Her earlier anxiety over spoiling the taste had evaporated, along with her comments onterroir.And when she refused to drink any more than a sip of one of the reds,giving a definite ‘Not my thing,’ I saw Kit looking over at me with a very considering expression.It made me wonder whether I was infringing on his little kingdom of influence too far.

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