Page 42 of Dead to Me

Thanks for the fun.You have to come and keep me company with the boys more often.I’d love to have coffee but unfortunately with exams looming I only have time for a brief break, and I’ve promised an old flame I’ll see him for breakfast.So sorry, darling!A drink after my next exam?X

The mention of an old flame interested me.It sounded to me like Esther wanted to talk about it, or she’d just have said she was busy.So I took the bait, and said:

You’re on for post-exam drinks!Thursday evening?And old flame sounds exciting.Tell all if you have time.Xx

I could see her typing for a little while before her reply came through.A message arrived from Cordelia agreeing to meet before Esther had finished.

When Esther’s message came, it was short, suggesting that she’d been writing and deleting.

Oh, it’s not really that exciting.I probably shouldn’t be going.There’s no future in it.But somehow you always want to see the inappropriate ones, don’t you?X

This was interesting, too.An inappropriate ex could have been someone she’d been dating when both Holly and Tanya had died.Could he have been at the May Ball?Or was he totally outside their social circles?

And by the way, Reid, I noticed then, as I’ve noticed since, that Esther has a weirdly old-fashioned way of talking and messaging.It’s like she’s fifty instead of twenty-one, and already married with kids.I think, you know, that it makes it hard for her sometimes.She doesn’t instinctively gel with anyone her age, and because of that she puts barriers up to avoid getting hurt.Which only makes it all worse.

I decided I was going to have to ask Cordelia more about Esther and the ex-boyfriend.If she’d been dating someone inappropriate and it had gone badly wrong, that was more than interesting.

Before I finally fell asleep at a half-reasonable time, I found myself thinking about James Sedgewick all over again.I had to admit, it was harder thinking about him as a killer now I’d got to know his very normal-seeming family.The easy banter between them all was a lot more like the relationship between you and your parents and sister than like the messed-up stuff I’ve witnessed in troubled homes.

I’m including mine in that, by the way, even though I have yet to kill anyone.

But saying all that, there can be an unconscious pressure in having a brilliant family.One that a younger son might feel unable to live up to.And I wasn’t going to assume that thepublic face of the Sedgewicks was everything there was to know.They might be warm and friendly on the surface and cruel and controlling behind closed doors.

Though, actually, the thing I ended up wondering right before I drifted off was:What would they do if James killed his girlfriend?

And I somehow knew for sure, Reid, exactly what they would do: They would close ranks and protect him, convinced they were doing the right thing.

I felt more optimistic about everything in the morning, once I’d finally had a proper night’s sleep.Though that was followed by a not very productive day hanging out in an amazing coffee shop called Bould Brothers which I’d heard Esther and Kit talking about.It was near Downing College, and I could see why they liked it.Totally aside from the decor being lush, it servedthenicest coffee, and I was jittery with too many cups of it by the time it hit twelve.

It kind of surprised me, you know, that they didn’t hang out at specific Pitt Club locations.My vision of the club as being a fraternity was not quite right.It seemed more like somewhere they would go occasionally for dinners.Which was making me a little anxious about being able to get a story about the place as backup if I didn’t uncover a murder, if I’m honest.Something I badly needed to keep Gael happy.

Anyhow, none of Kit’s group stumbled into the coffee shop, and my research into who’d been on the previous year’s hockey and rugby teams proved to be grindingly slow.By the end of the day I’d only managed to find out one set of hockey girls’ names from a fixture list and I’d made little progress in working out which colleges any of them went to or how to make contact.

I was suffering caffeine withdrawal and feeling grouchy by the time I went to change for my London meeting withCordelia.She’d asked me to come for a drink at her mother’s club, like that was a normal thing, and wanted to meet at six, because it was the only way she’d have time to fit me in before a 7.30 mother–daughter dinner.Unlike the third-years I was infiltrating here who were in the midst of exams, Cordelia, as a second-year medical student, was very much still working a full-time schedule at this point and had practicals most days.Which meant, apparently, shadowing doctors or attending classes or practising diagnosing patients.It sounds like genuine fun to me and I can see why Cordelia enjoys it.

An hour later, at the Caledonian Club, I found her waiting for me in the tartan-carpeted members’ bar with a whisky sour (mine) and a matching mocktail (hers).And by the way, another rich venue, another insane choice of carpet.Someone should give the money to people with actual taste.

I couldn’t help grinning at Cordelia as she lifted her drink at me, her expression managing to be both wry and curious.I was definitely thinking of her more as a friend than as a source of information by then.

‘I’ve got forty-five minutes before I’ll need to be getting into the shower,’ she told me as she led me away from the bar to a table in the very far corner.It was screened from view by a glass partition.Useful in case someone relevant happened to recognise us, which I’d learned was weirdly possible with Kit Frankland’s kind of people and this kind of place.‘Mama has booked me a room, so at least I’ve got facilities on standby.’

It hit me, all over again, how different life must be if you had money.How much less time you must spend dragging dresses over your head in restaurant bathrooms or taxis.How much more elegantly made-up it would be possible to look because you could rely on good lighting in a proper mirror.

Cordelia seemed to catch what I was thinking.‘You shouldget your dad to stump up for membership somewhere for you,’ she said, wryly.‘He must have a club somewhere.’

‘Oh…’ This was an awkward point.Dad did, indeed, have club membership, though he’d chosen the much more modern Pavilion Club.Membership was his way of having a home from home when he stayed in London, which he did a crazy amount of the time.Bored and lonely, like I said.

But Dad had obviously never offered me membership, or any other financial support beyond dinners out, and I was equally obviously never going to ask.For all Dad and I were in many ways closer than Cordelia and her mother, it just didn’t work like that for us.

‘Yeah, I guess so,’ I said, as breezily as possible.‘Maybe I should arrange it.’And then I went on, ‘I wanted to ask you about Esther.She told me she was meeting up with an old flame for breakfast.Do you know who she might mean?’

Cordelia raised an eyebrow.‘Well, she’s dated a few Cambridge boys,’ she said.‘Any specifics?’

‘Yeah,’ I said.‘She mentioned it having no future because he was inappropriate.’

This seemed to genuinely surprise Cordelia.‘That’s… interesting.I mean, Esther’s mother is totally determined for her to marry a rich boy.And the right kind of one, too, and Esther pretty much lives to do what Mummy says.’She chewed her lip for a minute.‘I can’t think of anyone I know about.And Holly would have told me anyonesheknew about, so maybe this is someone from the last few months.Though “old flame” is…’

‘It implies before that, doesn’t it?’I said.

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