Page 48 of Dead to Me

He turned to her emails next, trying her inbox and sent folders, and was beginning to feel real disappointment when he thought to look in her drafts folder.He wasn’t even sure, afterwards, what made him look there.

But right at the top, right there, was an email addressed to him.An email she’d never sent.

It was titledHelp,and it began

Hi Reid,

So if you’re reading this, it’s just possible you might be the only person who can save my life.

19.Anna

It’s rare, in this job, that you feel like you’ve really screwed up.I mean, I’m careful about what I say in front of people.

But somehow, I’d managed to have a whole, open conversation abouteverythingonly yards away from Philip Sedgewick.The father of one of the most likely suspects.

And the way he was looking at me, with a knowing smile, I felt a sick certainty that he must have heard.

It made me jump when his expression changed to one of recognition and he said, ‘Aria!Goodness.Twice in two nights.Everyone will think we’re doing it on purpose.’

I still felt fully nauseous as I gave him my best attempt at a return smile and stood up.Had he not seen or heard anything, then?Or was this a facade?

He hadn’t been there when I arrived.That much I was sure of.

I also hadn’t seen him when I watched Cordelia leave.But I hadn’t been paying attention.I’d been busy freaking out.I could easily have missed him, and if so, who knew when he might have arrived?

‘Mr Sedgewick,’ I said, coming to kiss his cheek.‘I thought it was you.’

There was no sign of obvious threat or anger as he said, ‘And this is my friend Max, who’s all right, even if hedidgo to Oxford.’He gestured to his companion, who looked like a slightly less good-looking version of himself.‘This is Aria, a friend of James’s from Cambridge,’ Philip went on as I held a hand out.

‘Great to meet you,’ I said.‘Even with the Oxford thing.’

Max laughed, but then looked towards the door.‘I’d better go and find Clarisse.I’ll already be in trouble.Hope to meet you again soon,’ he added to me.

‘Oh, you, too,’ I said, and then said quickly to Philip, ‘I’m just meeting a friend who’s a member.I’d… better go up to the room.’

It was supposed to be a neat excuse for being there, and to distract him in case he’d seen Cordelia.But the moment I’d said it I realised how much it must have sounded like I had a sugar daddy staying there.The kinds of people who had rooms at the Caledonian were generally older guys, and going up to the room implied… yeah.That.

It was excruciatingly awkward, and I saw Philip’s expression change.

‘Of course, of course,’ he said.And then he cleared his throat, and said, ‘Look, if you ever need anything, in London… you don’t have to be a stranger.Any friend of James’s.’He pulled out a business card and gave me a troubled look.‘I know a strange country probably feels a bit daunting, but you’re not on your own.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, finding myself blushing in spite of every effort not to.‘That’s kind.I’ve got– I know Seaton’s there in a pinch, too.’

‘Of course,’ Philip said again.‘Of course.But if there are things you… can’t tell him.’

He gave another clear of his throat, and I ducked past him with a nod of thanks.On the one hand, I felt hugely relieved that he clearly hadn’t connected me to Cordelia Wynn, or heard anything we were saying.I was sure he’d have asked me questions if he had.

On the other hand, there was a real threat he might tell James not to get close to me because I was the wrong kind of girl.

I turned up the large staircase as if going to someone’sroom– I had to follow up what I’d said, regardless of the subtext– and then proceeded to hide in an empty conference room for the next forty-five minutes until I was sure I could sneak out unobserved by both Philip and Cordelia.

On my wincing, heart-thumping way out to get an Uber to King’s Cross, I remembered my promise to Dad that I wouldn’t embarrass him, and I hoped that he never, ever found out about tonight.

I was still reeling from every part of the evening by the time I made it back to Cambridge.I was fully into unhealthy loops of anxiety as I cycled through what was thankfully still a warm night.

I had to stop before the lights changed on the junction of Hills Road and Gonville Place to adjust my wide-legged trousers, which were getting caught on the chain.The road was mercifully low on traffic so I had an extra moment once I’d pulled into the bike box.Another cyclist came to join me a second later, doing that kind of annoying thing of going further right and further ahead so they could get round the corner in front of me when the lights changed, but I figured it wasn’t a race, for once.You know.Unlike the rest of the time, when itclearly is a race.

I straightened up and was only really conscious of a noise behind me just before the accompanying impact.It was a confusing, dizzying combination of sensations that involved a hard shove to my bike wheel and me trying frantically to keep from cartwheeling over the top of the bike.

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