Page 55 of Dead to Me

Sarah gave a sniff and turned her head away.‘Not me.When Kit says “we were all there” he means the Pitt Club crowd.The ones who count.I wasn’t friends with anyone back then, and I went to St John’s ball instead.’

Now that, Reid, was interesting.It sounded like therewassomething significant about membership of the Pitt Club after all.

Kit blinked and gave Sarah a squeezing hug.‘I’m… whatdo you mean, the ones who count?I don’t like half the Pitt Club, and you count the mostest.’

The cuteness was unexpected, and it jarred with the situation as well as with Kit’s personality.Did Kit ever really, truly talk to his girlfriends like that?

Sarah didn’t visibly melt into his squeeze, but she did turn and give him a peck on the lips.

‘Hey, I’m with you,’ I told Sarah.‘Non-Pitt Club member and proud.I hear they only let you in if you hate puppies, anyway.’

She gave me a half-smile, one that didn’t look at all happy.

‘Kittens,’ Kit said, deadpan.It was a shame.I was hoping he’d get offended and argue.‘And they’ve relaxed the rule a bit.’He glanced at Sarah.‘You’re both too cool for the kitten-haters, you know.’

A little later Kit pulled a small tissue-paper packet out of his pocket and slid Ryan and Sarah each what I guessed must have been a tab of MDMA.

‘Pick-me-up time?’he asked, quietly.

Ryan looked over at me, a clear question in his expression.Evidently he wasn’t willing to go totally off the party drugs to support me.But I hadn’t been teetotal at the wine tasting, either.

I gave him a nod and a smile, thinking that there were benefits to him being a little out of control.He’d taken it within seconds, so quickly it was hard to see it happen.And then he washed it down with what must have been another soda water.

Sarah took hers with a swift, almost angry movement.I hoped it might loosen her inhibitions enough to get her talking about what was bothering her.She might not have been there on the night Holly died, butsomethingwas clearly up.All I needed was for her to get halfway to high and go to the bathroom alone so I could follow.

With the tabs handed out, Kit raised a questioning eyebrow at me.

‘Still fine,’ I told him with a shake of the head.‘Still a boring killjoy.’

Kit gave me an odd little smile.

‘As long as you don’t mind if I do.’

‘Not at all,’ I told him.

He nodded and glanced down at the little tissue-paper pouch.He hesitated, and then surprised me by sliding it back into his pocket.He held my gaze for a moment as he drank from his glass instead.

I felt suddenly profoundly uncomfortable under that gaze.What was he saying?That he wouldn’t get high around me?That he knew not to trust me?

Sarah stood and pulled Kit upright.‘Come outside for a minute,’ she said.She was speaking to him, but her gaze was on me.

Fuck,I thought, trying to keep my face deadpan.Whatever Kit thinks, Sarah thinks something worse.And maybe she’s done a little research and worked out more than he has.

I watched them retreat outside, the music rising as they went.It was time to dance, apparently.

‘Come on!’Ryan said, reaching for me with a smile.The MDMA was clearly hitting fast.Or at least his brain was telling him that it was, and that was enough for Ryan.

I went with him to a clear space on the floor and started off enjoying it all.Ryan was a good, enthusiastic dancer and his commentary between songs made me laugh.He insisted on getting us more hydration after a little while, and it was only as he was walking back over towards me carrying a couple of mostly full glasses that I realised he was unsteady on his feet.

He’s drunk,I thought, light dawning.

He hadn’t been drinking soda water all evening: he’d beendrinking alcohol.That was why he’d insisted on going to the bar for me.

He gave me a huge, beaming smile as he returned and held a glass out to me.

‘I got you a proper one,’ he said.

‘Oh, that’s… thanks,’ I said.‘I guess I can have the one.’

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