Page 56 of Dead to Me

We clinked glasses, but when I went to drink mine it was horrendously strong.It must have had more than two shots of gin in there, which meant he’d probably added multiple drinks together.

I watched him empty his glass, and then he was pressing himself up against me, one hand on my backside and the hand with the glass in it round my shoulders.

‘Hey, Ryan!’I said, loudly.‘This is invading my space!’

‘I just wanted… You know, you’re amazing,’ he said.

‘Thanks,’ I told him, trying to peel his arms off me.‘But you know you can tell me from further away.’

He let me move away a little but then looked soulfully into my eyes and said, ‘We’d be amazing together, you know.You don’t need any of these other guys.’

I remembered, suddenly, Cordelia’s comment about Ryan’s history of being a womaniser.His worry after the first time we’d met that he’d been an asshole.

This is what he does when he’s drunk,I thought with dawning comprehension.This is what he’s been avoiding.

I felt the inevitable consequence of everything Gael had asked me to do rushing in on me.I’d set out to seduce Ryan, hadn’t I?Only now here I was, surrounded by strangers and realising that I wanted nothing more than to get away from him.

‘That’s– you’re great,’ I said.‘But I’m not looking for any guys.I need to row and study.’

‘You know it’d work,’ he said, trying to put a hand up to touch my face.

‘I need to go to the bathroom,’ I said, a feeling of panic rising in me.‘Why don’t you get us another drink?Maybe Kit and Sarah want one, too.’

I felt huge relief as he processed this and then nodded and let me go.I almost ran out of there to the ladies’ toilets, and then spent a while in front of the sink, thinking through how to handle this.Maybe the best thing was just to leave.Ryan, I was confident, would feel really bad about this tomorrow.It didn’t need to get difficult.

You’ve got this,I thought.

But as I emerged into the corridor Ryan was right outside, his strawberry-blond head not far off the low-hanging light fittings.

It didn’t matter that I’m a tall, strong woman or that I’d been doing a shit-ton of weight training.I was never going to be able to fight off a fully grown man of his size.Still less one in training.

‘There you are,’ he said, and closed the short distance between us unsteadily.

I looked past him up the corridor, hoping that someone else would come along and make it awkward for him.But the short stretch was currently empty all the way up to the stairs.There’d been nobody else in the bathroom, either.I was absolutely on my own with the guy.

‘I’m just going back to dance,’ I told Ryan, trying to move round him.

He grabbed hold of me, by one arm and my waist.

‘Please don’t go.Just stay here,’ he said.

‘I really need to go,’ I told him, pulling away.

Ryan didn’t seem to be able to hear me.He pushed me back against the closed bathroom door and used his weight to press into me.I suddenly couldn’t see anything beyond him and my nose was full of the reek of beer.

‘Not until you give me a kiss,’ he said.

‘Ryan…’

I tried to push against him, but he was immovable.Utterly solid beneath the tight green T-shirt.

He laughed, a very out-of-control laugh.‘I know you want to as well,’ he said.‘We’re so made for each other, it’s unreal.’

I tried to make eye contact with him.To show him that this was Not OK using my expression.But his eyes were barely focusing.

Inebriation did nothing to make him weaker, though.As I pushed harder, he pressed in closer, and it was genuinely painful where he was shoving his leg against my pelvis.

‘I’ve wanted to have your body against mine since the first time I saw you,’ he said.‘You’re so strong.’

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