Page 71 of Dead to Me

I decided, on balance, that mocking them about their changed fortunes wouldn’t be a good thing.But let it be known that I was incredibly tempted.

These thoughts were much better than the ones that had been crushing me for the earlier part of the week.I had others keeping me together, too.Thoughts of getting a look inside the place and of finding out who the movers and shakers were.Of working out who Esther’s boyfriend was; what Ryan had done in the past; and why James seemed to have trust issues around his friend.

Kit was waiting outside for me and looked uncomplicatedly happy to see me.Not to make a point out of it or anything.

‘You look totally great,’ he told me, giving me a brief peck on the cheek.‘And only a little bit plaguey.’

‘You, too,’ I told him.‘You always look a tiny bit plaguey.It’s part of your charm.’

There were none of his usual complex stares.He simply grinned and took my arm to go into the club itself.

‘Are you sure this will actually be fun, though?’I asked him, quietly.‘I mean… the Pitt Club…’

He raised an eyebrow.‘You mean, is it full of horrible right-wing misogynistic snobs who are going to give you rage?’

I laughed.‘Yeah, that.’

Kit shook his head.‘I think, in my dad’s time, it probably was a lot like that.But the whole place has had to change.I mean, students aren’t really like that any more here, any more than they are in the US.’

‘Uhhh, there are definitely students like that in the US,’ I told him.

‘OK,’ he amended.‘There aren’t many people like that at Cambridge.’He paused at the top of the stairs.‘Because of this move towards being less elitist, the Pitt Club membership shrank like crazy over time and then they realised they had to adapt and let in women.’

‘My god,’ I said.‘End of the world.’

‘Exactly.’Kit gave me a gleaming smile.‘And obviously, once that happened, it was only going to change further.They’re mostly good people now, and the rest are just a bit boring about money.’

I studied his face for a moment, wondering whether this was his attempt to justify joining but feeling a worrying suspicion that it wasn’t.That he really meant it.

Which was great for tonight’s conversation but seriously bad for my efforts at finding a backup scandal here to write about.

‘OK,’ I said.‘You’ve convinced me.But I’m holding you responsible if anyone mansplains anything to me.’

‘Fair,’ he said.

He squeezed my hand, but then let go of it as we entered the dining room, as if to avoid giving off too many relationshipvibes.I couldn’t help feeling relieved about it.The fewer people who saw us in public looking like a couple, the better, for the long-term good of my career and my sense of guilt.

Inside, the place was thickly carpeted enough to make walking in heels treacherous, and decorated ornately.The lighting was well done, I thought, and although the portraiture was heavy on the moody men, it was tasteful.

James was hovering in a corner with a glass of champagne, his handsome face looking a little drawn this evening.He was fiddling compulsively with a vape when we arrived and jumped slightly when Kit greeted him.

‘Hey, we all need a glass,’ Kit said, reaching out to where a waiter was standing with a silver tray of bubbles.‘One more exam to go!Here’s to oncoming freedom!’

I took the glass Kit had handed me and lifted it.There was a beat before James copied us and replied, ‘Freedom!’

Was James just tired?Or was there something else going on?

‘Oh my god, you’re all so close!’I said, trying to cover the momentary pause.‘When is the last exam?’

‘Wednesday,’ James told me.

‘When are you finished?’I asked Kit, realising he hadn’t actually told me, despite sharing about his family and his hopes for his rugby career.It was like the academic stuff didn’t matter to him.

‘Tuesday.’Kit gave me a grin.‘On Tuesday night I’m going to become a walking Vice documentary.’

‘Will I know the difference, or…?’

‘Oh, you’ll know,’ he said, and gave me the kind of look that told me he wasn’t just talking about drinking and taking MDMA.

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