Page 72 of Dead to Me

Crap.

‘Oh, I didn’t know we had Clarisse here tonight,’ James said at that point, cutting through the sexual tension.

I turned to see Esther standing next to a woman who was such a carbon copy of her that she could only have been her mother.From Clarisse’s sleek dark hair in its French pleat (the same colour as Esther’s) to her perfect cheekbones and complexion; from her large, long-lashed eyes to her cool smile.Even theclotheswere basically the same: Esther’s knee-length beaded dress the match of her mother’s silvery number.

Seeing them together struck me as important.It was so clear that Esther was different around her.That veneer of control had descended, and it was like seeing the stranger I’d first met all over again.The flawless, unassailable,coldhuman who I’d only later realised was really a fragile, warm thing.

I was both fiercely curious to meet this woman and aware that I was absolutely not on my game.I deliberately hung back, turning a little away.I had Kit to talk to at first, and then James after Kit vanished to the bathroom.

James was still looking pale, tired and out of sorts.But he managed a brief conversation until his parents emerged at the top of the stairs and snagged his attention.The Pitt Club family, of course.He left me alone to go and talk to them.

Esther was at my shoulder a moment later.I wondered if she’d been waiting for a chance.

‘Would you like to come and meet Mummy?’she asked, her voice containing that alabaster-smooth quality she used for greeting strangers.It made me pity her, but it also made me uneasy.

‘Sure,’ I said, trying to smile.‘I’d love to.’

Clarisse’s expression was curious beneath her social smile as Esther introduced us, but she was far from hostile, as I’d feared she might be as an over-controlling mother.I guessed she was wondering whether I was an appropriate friend for her daughter, but she seemed inclined to think I was.

‘This is Aria, Mummy,’ Esther said, still perfectly poised,and I couldn’t help finding it weird that she still called her mom that at the age of twenty-one.

‘It’s a delight,’ Clarisse said in an accent that was a perfect balance between English, French and East Coast American.She leaned in to offer her cheek.‘I’ve heard a lot about your rowing.’

I pulled a self-deprecating face.‘Sorry.It’s a rower thing.We’re basically incapable of having normal conversations.’

Clarisse laughed.‘Not from what I hear.Esther tells me you’re a wonderful friend.’

I gave Esther a smile, and then said, ‘She’s honestly way too kind to me.I’ve spent most of the year being seriously antisocial and your daughter’s actually forced me to make some friends at last.I owe her a lot, but I’m kind of sad I left it so late.They’re all about to leave, and I’ll be back to just rowing and studying.’

‘Oh, I’m sure you can keep in touch,’ Clarisse protested.‘Particularly with so much of your training in London, where Esther’s first two years will be.’

I couldn’t help looking very sharply at Esther.Hadn’t she said she was looking for a job?To hear that her career was mapped out was… surprising.

‘Well, that sounds OK then,’ was all I said.

‘Will you go back home to your family over the summer?’Clarisse asked.‘Or will they visit you here?’

‘A little of both,’ I answered.‘I mean, I doubt Mom and Dad will make it over here, but maybe my bro.’

Clarisse’s smile grew imperceptibly brighter, and I realised that it was Aria’s senator brother who was the real draw here.I was being seen as a networking opportunity.

Though actually, I realised, it might be more that Aria’s brother was deemed an eligible match for Esther.

Clarisse didn’t say anything further because her attentionwas caught by someone across the room, and to my horror I heard her say, ‘Ryan, my darling.Are you not coming to say hello?’

There was movement, and suddenly Ryan Jaffett was being welcomed into the circle.

I felt my chest tightening, and I turned in blind panic to look over at Kit, whose expression was slack-jawed and horrified.

I saw his mouth move as he said, ‘What the fuck?’

I felt like leaving, but I knew I couldn’t.I had a week and a half left to figure all of this out, and if I made no progress, theEnsigncould pull the story at any moment.

It’s all right,I told myself.You’re all right.

And then I remembered what Cordelia had said, about being committed enough to this that I’dhaveto be all right, and it helped.

‘I… Hello, Ms Thomas,’ Ryan was saying.‘It’s… you look great.’

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