Page 98 of Dead to Me

Esther sighed.‘We were incredibly lucky, actually, when it happened.It wasn’t actuallymynecklace.So when Marcie got back later anddidfind it she was confused, and went to ask James whose it was.He recognised it as Holly’s, so Marcie just assumed they’d been… you know, borrowing their room.’She swallowed, very noisily.‘But when he returned it to Holly… well, obviously Holly figured it out.She wore the necklace out on the Friday night and when she caught me looking at it she gave me a look like… like she knew, and she thought… I don’t know.Terrible things.’

Esther closed her eyes, and Seaton had a fierce wish for thatto be it.For Esther to stop talking entirely.But Reid seemed to want to push for more.

‘Were there… particular stakes, for Philip, if Marcie found out about it?’he asked.

Esther looked startled.‘Yes, of course there were.Philip would have left her if…’ She looked between them.‘The money is all hers.Her working-class dad sold his dotcom company for a hundred million and set her and her brother up for life, while Philip’s line of ancestors had run the family fortunes dry.’Esther blinked a few times and said unsteadily, ‘She owns almost all of the property he runs.If he’d been caught with me, he’d have been destitute, and… and I’d have been disinherited.The two of us would have had nothing.’

Seaton turned away from her.How could any of this be true?How could Philip, his friend, who had for so long seemed absolutely loyal to Marcie, be… this person?

‘Did Philip find out that Holly knew?’Reid asked.

‘Yes,’ Esther said, and her voice came out like a sob.She glanced around, as though someone might be watching her.Judging her.‘I– I was an idiot, and I told him Holly had worked it out.He– he went so quiet… and then he said we needed to end it.Us.That he couldn’t do that to his family.’She paused, and tried to wipe at her face, but big, fat tears began escaping from her eyes to roll down her cheeks.‘So although we still… he still loves me, we haven’t… been together.’She looked away, suddenly.‘You know, I… I actually don’t know if he does love me.I thought he did.He still messages when he’s alone, and he calls me sometimes…’ She drew a shaky breath.‘But actually, I don’t know.Because sometimes I feel like it’s all just a game.He’ll say things that are just… cruel.’

Reid was nodding, slowly, while Seaton was trying to imagine his friend– his oldest, oldest friend– doing any ofthis.It was hard not to tell Esther to stop.Not to hate her a little.All while a huge part of him felt heartbroken for her.

‘But then Ryan Jaffett found out?’Reid asked.

Esther jolted out of her sadness.She looked at him with wide, frightened eyes and then she took a breath and nodded.‘Yes.It was at the ball, last year.We were both drunk and Philip suddenly asked me if he’d made the right decision.Of course, the moment he was sober he was back to telling me we couldn’t be anything to each other.’She gave a twisted, bitter smile.‘Ryan was being photographed in that stupid car with Kit, so that one moment of regret ended up being caught in the background.I didn’t know he’d captured it until last week, when he turned up at my room and told me I had to support him or he’d show everyone.Ruin my life and Philip’s.’She closed her eyes, and added in a whisper, ‘It’s all going to happen now anyway, isn’t it?What will James think?Oh my god.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Reid said with feeling.‘But I don’t think you’re the one who should feel any shame.’

Esther gave him a very cynical look, and Seaton understood why.It didn’t matter that Esther had been eighteen and a vulnerable student when this had started; she would be judged as The Other Woman anyway.

As Seaton watched she sat back and seemed to start processing some of this beyond her own guilt.‘Why are you asking me about all this?What has this got to do with… Anna?’

‘Anna was trying to find out why Holly died,’ Reid said.‘Finding out what she knew is vital to finding her.’

‘But why…?’She faltered, and then stared at him ‘It can’t have been Philip.’

‘If Philip is involved in what happened to Holly, and what’s happened to Anna,’ Reid said, ‘we need to know.’He paused,and then said, ‘Sometimes people do things that seem crazy to protect the people they love.’

Seaton finally felt as though he’d caught on.

Reid wasn’t accusing Philip of having murdered Holly.

He was accusing James.

39.Trinity May Ball

Monday, 23 June

The path Anna Sousa trod on the night of the May Ball was witnessed by dozens of people.Hundreds, in total, from all those present on the street or at the event.So many chances to stop what happened.To step in.

But many of those people barely noticed her.They had no real reason to dwell on a tall young woman in a black-and-silver dress amid so many glamorously dressed young students.

Others did notice.Their paths intersected at moments when the glamour of the evening had worn thin.Tiny points of time when things could have tipped in another direction, if they’d said something.

If they’d stepped forwards.

One of those was a first-year Pembroke Student named Dora Hu.Her boyfriend, a second-year Trinity maths student named Nicky, had bought them a pair of VIP tickets to the May Ball, and she had been nervously excited about this night for the last four months.

Dora spent five hours getting ready and in that time reapplied her make-up twice and took the blue silk dress off once to steam creases out of it.In the end, she felt beautiful enough to go.In fact, she felt more beautiful than she’d ever felt.Which might just be enough.

She walked through streets that had been transformed: between scatters of students wearing tuxedos, cocktail dressesand huge, princess ballgowns, as if a series of ghosts of bygone ages had been resurrected for the evening.All these fairy-tale figures were walking with an only slightly self-conscious air across flagstones and cobbles, and between eclectic buildings; past sweet shops and bollards, and gargoyles crafted hundreds of years ago.It seemed to Dora like they didn’t need to touch the ground.Any of them.

Well, any of them except her.

Because although Dora at first felt part of it, she quickly began to feel the tightness of her strappy heeled shoes.Less than halfway to Trinity they were digging into her feet hard enough to hurt and she had to stop and sit on the wall of King’s College to try to loosen them a little.

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