Page 10 of With Love, Alex

Shakily, I opened the door before looking back at Ryan. Tears shone in his eyes, but in that moment, I didn’t care. I couldn’t. My world had been rocked upside down, and I didn’t know which way was up. I was sick to my stomach from what I had learned of my once boyfriend turned best friend.

“You were my first,” Ryan called from the doorway just before I was getting into my car.

“No, I wasn’t,” I whispered to myself.

“Even at fifteen, I knew I loved you and that I always would. You were my first love. Please come back so we can talk about this.” Desperation dripped from his words, but I was just as desperate to get home and crawl into bed and not come out until Mason was home and all was right in my world, as he was to talk.

“Goodbye, Ryan.”

I wasn’t sure if I said those words out loud or only in my head as I got in my car and drove away not knowing if I’d ever come back.

4

Sorry

“Alex,please call me back. You can’t ignore me forever.” Ryan left his fourth voice mail of the day. From the sound of his voice, I could tell he was sorry, but the problem was I wasn’t ready to talk to him. I knew it was probably silly that I was upset that he wasn’t a virgin when we’d had sex all those years ago, but I couldn’t help how I felt. Taylor had told me that my feelings were valid both when I had talked to her on the phone the next day and when Mason and I went to visit her and her family in Florida the next weekend.

Actually, I was pretty confident I could ignore him forever. It had already been two weeks, and we still hadn’t spoken about the bombshell he let loose the last time I saw him. Strangely, I hadn’t heard from Dawn meaning that either Ryan had talked to her, or she’d exacted her revenge and was done with me. I wanted to believe it was the former rather than the latter because that meant she’d been holding a grudge against me for all those years about my short-lived romance with Ryan. And if she could hold a grudge for that long, our entire friendship for all these years could have quite possibly been fake on her part.

Although truth be told, I wasn’t regretting my night out now. Matt had been messaging me every couple of days and had even called twice. It was nice to have someone to talk to at night now that Ryan and Dawn were out of the picture, and it wasn’t possible for me to speak with Taylor that often on the phone especially when her family was home. It was different during the day when Jack was at work and Ben was off to school, but during the day, I had to work, so we didn’t get to talk all that often especially now that she was so far away. It had been great seeing her for the weekend, but it wasn’t the same as when she lived in Fairlane.

The doorbell rang, pulling me from my thoughts.

Who the hell could be at my door?

Everyone knew that I didn’t like unexpected visitors since my ex-husband, Decker was typically the one ringing my doorbell when he was drunk and either being an asshole or begging me to come back to him. If it were him, then it might be the former if he remembered his last visit. It didn’t really inspire me to want to answer the door, but I knew I had to especially when I heard Mason’s little feet running down the hall wondering who was at the door.

“Do you want me to get it?” Mason asked as he rounded the corner and came into the living room catching me half-sitting and half-standing unsure of what to do.

“That would be great,” I answered him. His sweet face lit up at the idea of doing something so grown up as answering the door.

“Mom, its Uncle Ryan!” Mason yelled from the door even though I was only a couple of feet behind him and could see Ryan standing on the other side.

“Hey, buddy.” Ryan greeted him as he walked inside taking me in as I stepped up behind my son, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

“You missed dinner.” Mason pouted as he looked up at Ryan assuming he’d been invited. “It’s time for me to get ready for bed.”

“Sorry to miss dinner, buddy, but I need to talk to your mom for a few minutes. Do you think you could be a big boy and go get ready for bed, and your mom will be in to tuck you in, in just a little bit?” Ryan smiled down at Mason, ruffling his hair.

Ryan had always been great with Mason treating him better than his own father had. Being the best uncle he could be to my son.

“I’m a big boy,” Mason replied, his shoulders squared and if he could I bet his little chest would have puffed out.

It brought a smile to my face until he ran from the room headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and Ryan turned to me; his blue eyes intense.

“I figured this was the only way I could get you to stop ignoring my texts and phone calls,” he said from his spot when I continued to stare at him. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this or if I ever would be, but I had to deal with it now that he was in my living room and Mason was in the other room.

“Please,” Ryan pleaded as he took a step toward me. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought… I assumed you knew. I mean what did you think I was doing with her the night you all stayed?”

“I don’t know what I thought, okay? I was naïve, and the thought had never crossed my mind. I mean, maybe, I thought you guys messed around, but that’s the extent to what my young mind thought could be happening between you two. You were so young, and I was so stupid.” I whispered as tears filled my eyes. “Ryan, I’m not ready for this. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready, but I don’t want Mason to see me crying or to think you’re the cause of my tears. I need you to leave. Please,” I begged, curling my arms around myself.

Looking up at him through my wet lashes, I could see his eyes were glassy and eager for us to try to resolve this, but also resolute in the knowledge that we didn’t have the time.

“Can I stay and wait until Mason goes to bed then we’ll talk some more? I miss you,” he hung his head. “You’re my best friend, and I hate knowing that I’m the one causing you pain. Let me stay, and we’ll talk. Please.”

He was desperate, and I knew that if I didn’t talk to him tonight, then he’d continue to show up night after night until I gave in.

“Fine,” I huffed placing my hands on my hips. “But I’m not going to rush Mason’s bedtime routine because you’re here.”

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