Page 11 of With Love, Alex

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” he replied a small smile tipping his lips. It only furthered to piss me off. He was acting as if all was forgiven when I was nowhere near close to being over this. I didn’t bother saying anything else as I made my way down the hall. First by the bathroom to see water all over the sink and counter, but no Mason and then to his bedroom where he was sitting on his bed patiently waiting in his pajamas with a book beside him. I wasn’t going to say anything about his shirt being on backward since he’d gotten himself ready for bed and looked tired. Instead, I lifted the blankets for him to scoot under and then tucked him in nice and tight before I laid down next to him. Mason might have been six, but he loved to listen to me read and he was beyond listening to me read him little boy books as he liked to call them, so I’d been reading him Harry Potter.

Tonight, I read until he fell asleep and then continued to stay in his room taking my time making sure he was tucked in and the blankets were up to his chin and his hair out of his eyes before I made my way back to Ryan.

Stopping off in the kitchen to stall a little longer, I refilled my ice water. I was surprised that I hadn’t heard the TV on, but as I made my way into the living room, Ryan was sitting on the edge of one of the two chairs that flanked the couch with his knees bouncing up and down and his hands clasped together.

“Thank you for not throwing me out,” Ryan said with a hint of relief in his voice once I sat down on the couch on the opposite side of him. “I know you hate it when people drop by unannounced, but I felt I had no other choice. Hell, if you worked at an office I probably would’ve accosted you there. I know I probably should have come when Mason was at school, but I honestly thought this was my best bet to get you to talk to me. You can be so damn stubborn sometimes.”

“I’m sorry that I reacted so badly to finding out that two of my friends had been keeping a secret from me for the last fourteen years and that I thought that the boy I gave my virginity to was also a virgin, not some man whore at the ripe old age of fifteen,” I replied back with every bit of sarcasm I could muster. “I understand you’re a man and for you, if the situation were reversed it wouldn’t matter, but I can’t get over the fact that I feel as if you’ve lied to me all these years. It wasn’t like our relationship was purely physical. We talked all the time, got to know each other before we even started to go out. It kills me to know that what I thought was something special between us wasn’t.” My voice cracked on the last word, and I turned my head so that he couldn’t see the tears building. I hated anyone seeing me cry, and I was about to let loose a stream of tears over the loss of something that I once held precious only to find out it was a lie.

Moving to sit on the couch beside me, Ryan murmured softly taking my hand in his, “Hey, I don’t think you’re a hypocrite. I’m sorry I hurt you, not telling you about Dawn and me. I truly thought she’d told you. I figured she told you when she found out about us. I never meant to hurt you. You have to know that.” Ryan blinked rapidly, his eyes wet. “You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’ve loved you for so long that it kills me to know that you feel like I’ve betrayed you. Will you please forgive me? I’ll do anything. Anything at all.”

I knew he was telling me the truth and that it deeply hurt him to know that he’d hurt me, but could I forgive him? I wasn’t sure I could get over what I’d found out, but Ryan didn’t deserve to be thrown out of my life. Until that day happened, I would have to work a little harder to not let their lie build a bigger wedge between us.

“I’m not going to keep you out of my life, but it’s going to take some time for me to get over this. I want to be your friend, to be able to talk to you, and hang out. You’re going to have to give me some time to let this go. Can you accept that?” I asked looking into his kind eyes that only a few moments ago were so sad but were now shining with hope.

“I can do whatever you want. I promise. Thank you for finally talking to me,” Ryan replied with a hitch in his voice, he crushed me to him in a big bear hug.

Loosening his grip, Ryan held me in his arms. “The other day, I called Dawn and told her you knew the truth and called her out on taking you out and getting you smashed. In all honesty, I don’t think she was even a bit sorry. She was a huge bitch on the phone and ended up going off on me about how it was my job to tell you about her and I having sex.” Giving me a squeeze, he continued. “I tried to reason with her that after we broke up that even though we saw each other and talked some, we didn’t really hang out or anything until you separated from Decker. Once I realized nothing was going to come from me talking to her, I got off the phone with her. Shit, Alex, I really am sorry. If I’d known that you thought I was a virgin, or that you didn’t know about Dawn and me, I would have told you a long time ago.”

Nodding against his chest, I fought not to cry. “I believe you, and she should’ve told me. It wasn’t until she went off to college that she started to tell me her sex stories, but I knew that she’d had sex with two guys back in high school and she never told me. I don’t know why she didn’t.” I shrugged. “Well, maybe one of the guys because he was a huge prick, and she probably knew that I’d have asked her what the fuck she was thinking even though I did know that she liked him. The other guy was a guy we barely knew. Maybe she was embarrassed.” I shrugged in his hold. “I don’t know, but I should’ve learned my lesson then that she wasn’t a good friend. From now on, I don’t plan on having her in my life. She hasn’t called or texted once since that night. Hell, she barely spoke to me the next morning when she drove me home.”

“She was probably jealous you had sex with a movie star. Who knows what was going through her head.”

“All I know is that I can’t trust her, and she doesn’t have my best interest at heart.”

“Sadly, I think you’re right,” Ryan said from the top of my head.

Pulling away, I looked up at him giving him a small but sad smile. It was rare that we ever fought, and this had been the longest we’d gone in the last two years without talking to each other.

“Thank you for coming over here and making me talk to you.”

“Anytime. Now that we’re talking when were you thinking of going to see Taylor? I’d like to go with you to help you out on the trip?”Ryan smiled, eyes glowing.

I hated telling him that we went without him, but I had no other choice. I couldn’t take another break from work.

“Mason and I already went,” I informed him. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to go, but I needed to get away and spend some time with Taylor.”

“I understand. I do,” Ryan said nodding his head. “Did you set another date for when you’ll go visit her or when they’re coming here?” He asked as the light in his eyes died a little.

“No,” I pouted.

“When you have an idea let me know. I want to come with you and Mason. I hate to think of you both alone driving. What if you had car trouble or got the attention of some crazy person?”

“I highly doubt we’d find a crazy person on the road who’s going to try to do anything to us or follow us.” I laughed. The tension from earlier gone. “I know Taylor wouldn’t mind if you came to visit her. She always likes seeing you although I should probably warn you that she’s not too happy with you right now.” I felt like I should feel bad that Taylor was now mad at him, but I wasn’t. Ryan deserved it.

He pursed his lips. “I imagine so. Maybe the next time you talk to her, you can let Taylor know we talked and you’re going to try to forgive me one of these days, hopefully in the not too distant future.” Ryan stood, a hand held out to help bring me to my feet and led me to the front door before giving me a small smile.

He looked both happy and sad at the same time or maybe I was reflecting what I was feeling in that moment. I was happy to have my friend back, but we weren’t the same Ryan and Alex anymore, and we might never be, making me mourn our friendship even as he stood in front of me.

“Good night, Alex. The next time I call or text, you better answer,” he said playfully, but there was still a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“I will. I promise. Good night, Ryan,” I said as I started to close the door. I watched as he made his way down the sidewalk to his truck before he turned around and took a step toward me.

“Sorry.” It was the only word he spoke, but his eyes flashed with a thousand words that he wanted to say, and I forgave him just a little more.

It was a start.

5

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