Page 13 of With Love, Alex

“Probably,” she chuckled. “I mean if you hadn’t already had sex then I’d say he’d want it, but not expect it. Now, I’m sure he’s going to want to and expect some nookie. It’s a pretty long-distance booty call, so he must like you. What are your conversations like?”

“I don’t know. Normal, I guess,” I answered and then laughed. I hadn’t really thought about it. I assumed that once the allure of a small-town girl was gone, he’d stop texting and calling me. I had nothing to offer him from sixteen hundred miles away and I knew that he had no problem getting women. It wouldn’t be long until he gave up.

“Normal? Define normal?” Taylor asked before excusing herself to someone else.

“I don’t know,” I glanced up at the ceiling as if it could give me all the answers. “When we talk on the phone, it’s pretty short. Just random stuff like how our day was, or what did you do. Now that I think about it, it’s pretty generic. I don’t talk about Mason, but he talks about his two kids. How he doesn’t see them very often since he’s gone for work so much, but when he’s in town, he has them every other weekend. Sometimes I feel like he only talks about his kids because he wants me to talk about Mason. He mentioned may be coming when Mason’s asleep, but I don’t know. It makes me uncomfortable. Am I crazy?”

“No, you have to do what feels right for you and Mason. Neither one of us knows what it’s like dating with children. This is your first time attempting dating or whatever you’re doing,” she added with a laugh. “I don’t envy you. No matter how many times I complain about Jack, I don’t want to think about having to date now that I’m in my thirties with kids. I still can’t believe I let Jack convince me to get pregnant again,” Taylor cried out and quickly softened her voice. “Especially when we’re so far away from friends and family and he’s gone all the time working on this case.” I could hear the sadness in her voice from thousands of miles away. Maybe I should text Jack and tell him that he needed to do something special for her this weekend.

“I know and I’m sorry. I hate how much you’re alone. I shouldn’t be calling and laying all this on you. You should be the one telling me all your pregnancy woes and complaining about Jack.”

Taylor scoffed. “Don’t think like that. I want you to tell me your problems no matter what’s going on with me. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t at least listen and try to help? That’s what friends are for, anyway. I know you’d do the exact same thing for me and it keeps my mind off my own problems.”

I would do the same for her no matter the circumstance.

“So, what do you think I should do then?”

“Do what feels right. How much of your life have you told him?”

“Not much. He knows I have a son named Mason, and that I’ve been divorced for a year,” I answered back. Pushing away from my desk, I gave up on my work for the time being.

I heard her hum into the phone, unsure if it was for me or something else. “Does he know that you hadn’t had sex in a few years? That you don’t do one-night stands?”

“I’m pretty sure that it didn’t come up in conversation that night and I sure as hell haven’t told him since. That would be so embarrassing,” I cried out. “I did tell him I don’t have one-night stands.”

“It’s not embarrassing. Plenty of people have bad marriages and don’t have sex. He’s divorced so I’m sure he understands more than you give him credit for.”

“I doubt he’s ever gone very long without sex. You’ve seen him. Even if he wasn’t as good looking as he is I’m sure he still wouldn’t have a problem using his movie star status.”

“I’m sure not. I think the only way to make it so you’re comfortable while he’s there is to tell him more about yourself and that you might not be ready to have sex again when you’re not drunk.”

“He’ll be on the next flight out,” I added with a bitter laugh.

“If he is then that’s on him. He’s not worth your time. You deserve happiness and maybe this guy is it and maybe he’s not but have some fun and give him a chance.” Her next words were spoken softly. “Whatever you do don’t have sex with him again if you’re not ready. If you don’t want to explain to him right away, then see how the day goes and how he treats you and then if you’re still not feeling it you should probably tell him what’s going on if you want to see him again.”

“You give good advice. There’s a good possibility, I might be calling or texting you a lot when he’s here for more of it.” I laughed for a moment, but it quickly turned into sadness as how much I missed Taylor sank in. “Thank you. You’ve pulled me from the ledge and now I’m ready to walk the tight rope.”

Taylor laughed her tinkly little laugh making me smile. It didn’t matter what kind of mood I was in, anytime I heard her laugh it brought a smile to my face. “Don’t be so dramatic. You’ve got this and remember to have fun. Don’t let all the shit Decker put in your head ruin any more of your life.”

“You’re right as always. Maybe I’ll even buy some sexy lingerie just in case.” In all actuality, I needed some new bras and underwear that weren’t all cotton and boring. I had a feeling that if I started to wear underwear that was a little sexier, even if it was underneath yoga pants and a t-shirt, it would make me feel better about myself. I needed to get rid of what Decker had ingrained in me during our marriage.

“You definitely need to buy some if you plan for him to see you undressed,” Taylor joked. She was always giving me a hard time about my ugly bras and underwear. “I’m going to need to let you go. I’ve got to get all these groceries in my van and then go pick up Ben from school. Keep me updated and I can’t wait to hear all about your weekend.”

“I will. I promise. I need to get off here too, so I can pick up Mason in a little bit. Love you and talk to you soon.” Making a kissing sound, I waited for Taylor’s goodbye before I hung up.

* * *

“Hey,” I greeted Matt with my best smile as I opened my front door and smoothed down my billowy peach shirt. It had long sleeves and a deeper V than I was used to wearing, but by the appreciative look Matt gave me it was worth it. I also had on a new pair of jeans that were loose fit and bare feet. One day after I dropped Mason off at school, I had made a trip to the mall and splurged on new clothes of every variety. Now I had more than just a couple of pairs of jeans, yoga pants, and t-shirts. I looked like a real adult who had on very sexy underwear underneath her clothes. I even went to a salon and had my hair trimmed and highlighted. The last time I felt this good about myself was in high school. It felt good to feel like my old self again. It was amazing that the right clothes could boost your self-esteem so much, but they had. I felt deserving of moving on with my life and being happy, and I was going to make every attempt to do so with Matt that weekend.

“You look great,” Matt greeted me with a kiss to my cheek. Stepping back, he asked, “Did you decide where you wanted to go for lunch? I don’t know about you, but I’m starved.”

“Thank you, let me grab my purse quick and we can go. I was so caught up with trying to finish my project that I haven’t eaten yet today.” As I said the words my stomach let out a noise that rivaled any monster in a horror movie. “Did you want to drive, or do you want me to?”

“I’ll drive. I’m not sure you’re capable with how loud that rumble was,” he answered with a chuckle as I stepped inside and quickly slipped on my flip-flops, grabbed my purse, phone, and keys. I wasn’t used to going out the front door since I always used the garage to come and go so it took me a little too long to try to lock the door from the outside. “Do you need any help?” Matt’s words caressed the back of my neck causing a shiver to work its way down my spine as I finally got the lock turned.

“Nope. I got it.” I jumped as I dropped my keys into my purse and turned around only to find Matt a few inches away with a knowing smile on his face.

Walking with his hand on the small of my back, Matt guided me to his rental car and even opened the door for me, waited until I was fully in my seat before closing the door, and made his way around the car and into the driver’s seat. Once the car was started, and we had been sitting in my driveway for a full minute, I turned to see Matt with a smirk on his face.

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