Page 14 of Unsteady in Love

I know you said you moved away, so where did you go to nursing school at?

Did you finish nursing school (because if not you can always go back)?

Are you still in contact with anyone from back home?

Have you started looking for a house?

I don’t want to bombard you with too many questions, so I’ll stop there. If you do write me back, please feel free to ask me anything and I promise to answer. My email is [email protected].

All the Best,

Holden

Tears splashed freelyonto the paper I still held loosely in my hand. Deep down under all his muscles and ink, Holden was still the sweet boy I used to love. I could see him in there when he’d been here, and after reading his letter, I was even more convinced. But how could I get over him breaking my heart? How could I forgive him for making a decision that drastically changed both our lives? How could I forgive him for leaving me?

Did I want to forgive him?

I had never been a person who craved tension or conflict. I was easy going about almost everything in my life except for Holden. I wasn’t sure there was any going back after what he’d done. I wasn’t sure if letting him into my life was going to mend the gaping hole he’d left or shatter the last pieces of my heart until I was completely broken.

I wasn’t naïve. I knew that if I let him in even the smallest amount, Holden would consume me if I wasn’t careful.

Not knowing what to do, I did nothing. I didn’t write back. I didn’t even think about Holden. Instead, I holed myself up in my room, under the covers, in total darkness.

8

Prue,

It’s been about two weeks since I last wrote, and this is the first chance I’ve had to write again. One of the other teams…you don’t need to know what happened to them, but damn it’s got me scared. I knew those men and how meticulous they were about their safety. What if I don’t make it home? What if I never see you again?

This is the first time I’ve truly been scared while here. Things are not good here. Each time we go out, we’re out longer and longer. Once we get back, it isn’t long until we’re sent out again. I’m not sure if they show an accurate depiction of what’s going on here on the news. I doubt it though because anyone who had friends and/or family here would be freaking out.

I’m sorry. I don’t want you to worry. That’s not what this is about. I just want to talk to you. To be able to tell someone how I’m feeling and get it out of my system. I know you didn’t believe me, but I swear you’ve been in my thoughts all these years. You’re still the most important person in my life and knowing how much pain I caused you keeps me up at night.

I don’t mean to pressure you, but please write me back. Even if it’s only to tell me to fuck off. Let me know how you’re doing. When I left, you were so despondent. If I could have come at a better time I would have, but I couldn’t stay away when I found out about your dad. I wish I could have done more for you, but I understand why you wouldn’t let me. Fuck, Prue, I’m so sorry. I miss you so much. I hope you’re doing better.

All My Best,

Holden

P.S.

Have you found a house?

9

To:[email protected]

From:[email protected]

Subject: Email Address

Holden,

I’m still upset. I can’t help it, but it kills me to know that you’re over there and scared for your life. I don’t want you to have to wait a month to receive a letter from me so here I am, and I’m trying. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.

Prue

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