Page 22 of Unsteady in Love

“Yes, Holden, that’s exactly what I’m saying. While I’ve been grieving for my father, I’ve been out whoring around. I thought you knew me better than that.”

“It’s obvious we don’t know each other at all anymore,” he barked.

“Obviously, I’m done with this.” I threw my hands up. “Let me know what you decide. I can put the house up on the market tomorrow.”

“Why are you always so damn stubborn?” he shot back. “The house is yours. Stop trying to give it back.”

“Stop being an asshole and jumping to conclusions.”

“I only know what you tell me, Prue. Why bring up a guy asking you out if you didn’t want to make me jealous and piss me off?”

“You fucking asked,” I accused. “I… I felt weird that he asked me out. I can barely remember the last time someone asked me out. For you to insinuate that…” I shook my head, tears building.

“I know you’re not a whore, Prue,” he murmured, his eyes softening.

“Do you?” I snapped. “It certainly doesn’t seem like it. Why don’t you tell me how many women you’ve had sex with since you left town?”

He blanched, and I wanted to be sick. I knew it was wrong for me to expect Holden to not have had sex in all the years he’d been gone. Why did it matter? We weren’t together, although he certainly acted like we were. I didn’t understand what he wanted from me. Yes, Holden had hinted at wanting more from me than friendship, but that was the thing, it was just a hint. We hadn’t talked about it since then. I needed to stay strong. I couldn’t open myself up to him only for him to leave me in the dust and licking my wounds in two years. I had a feeling this time there would be nothing left of me.

“Prue, calm down. I don’t have much time, and I don’t want to fight over some misunderstanding.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When they opened back up, they were filled with determination. “Look, I know I wasn’t been very forthcoming with what I wanted or expected before I deployed, and I know I hurt you immensely when I left after graduation. That’s an understatement. I know because it nearly killed me to leave you, and when I came back, you were gone.” The pain he felt back then reflected in his eyes, making me feel my own. “I tried to convince myself it was for the best, but trust me, it wasn’t easy leaving you. I’ve had to live with myself knowing that I broke your heart.

“For the rest of my life, I will beg you to forgive me, to tell you how fucking sorry I am, because Iamso fucking sorry. Every time I see your face, I’m reminded of making the worst mistake of my life. But then when you smile at me, I think I just might have a shot of winning you back. Because that’s what I plan to do if you’ll give me a chance,” he implored.

“Not once in all these years have I stopped loving you. Not for one moment. And there have been times when I’ve prayed that I could stop so maybe the ache in my heart would go away for even the tiniest amount of time, but how could I stop loving you when you were—arethe best thing that’s ever happened to me? I couldn’t. It’s impossible, so I resigned myself to a fate of always being alone with a broken heart.” He shook his head, laughing bitterly.

“That’s where I’m at. I want you for forever. If you’ll have me. I told you we could divorce in two years, but only so you’d agree to marry me. I planned to have you so in love with me by that time that you’d never want to leave. I knew you’d never agree to marry me if you knew I never planned to let you go.”

My mind was blown. Never did I expect any of this. From the time we’d started talking again, this was the most Holden had said. Normally, he let me do all the talking. He encouraged it actually.

“Your life. My life. It’s all up to you. If you tell me to stay away and to leave you alone, then I will, but I really hope you won’t. I need you, Prue. Not that I’m trying to guilt you into anything, but now you know how I feel.”

“Holden,” I choked out his name in half prayer, half cursing him, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll think about it. Really think about all I’ve said and search deep down in your heart for what you want. That’s all I can ask, and once you decide, I promise that I’ll respect your decision.”

“You make it sound so easy.” I wanted so badly to cry in that moment.

“If I have to let you go, it will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I did it once, and it nearly killed me. I…”

“I promise to think about it,” I interrupted him, afraid of what he might say next. “About everything you’ve said. Who’s to say you won’t want to leave me when the two years are up or even when you get back,” I confessed my fear.

“I say,” he vowed.

“It’s not that simple,” I argued.

“It is that simple. I know myself, and I know what I’ve felt and wanted for almost four years. I’m not going to change my mind. Don’t you wantmeanymore?” he asked the last on a whisper.

“You might change your mind once you have me,” I managed to get out. “I can’t go through you leaving me again. I won’t survive it.”

“Prue,” he called out with pain searing me from his soulful eyes, “I promise if you give yourself to me, I won’t ever let you go. When I said my vows, I meant every word of them.”

“I…” My throat clogged up, unable to answer.

“You don’t have to answer right now. I’ve given you a lot to think about. You had no idea I was feeling this way, and I’m sure it’s a shock to you.”

“It is, but in a good way.”

“I want you to be Mrs. Montgomery. To be my wife.”

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