Page 34 of Unsteady in Love

“My life is with you. When you get better, you’re coming home. I…”

“I’m never going to get better, Prue,” he interrupted. “This is me now.”

“Of course, you’re going to get better. You’ll heal. I…know this is a big change, but you’re strong, Holden. You can get through anything. We can get through this.”

He turned to me, his eyes cold as he spit his words at me. “I don’t want to get through it, and I sure as hell don’t want you to get throughthis. I never wanted you to see me likethis.”

“Holden, don’t. I love you and nothing can change that.”

His throat bobbed with emotion as his eyes filled with pain. “Go home, Prue. Start to live your life. When the two years are up, you’ll receive the paperwork to dissolve our marriage. Don’t worry, you’ll be taken care of.”

“I don’t want your fucking money, Holden. I only want you. You can’t do this to us,” I sobbed out the last few words unable to hold back my devastation.

“It’s already been done to us. Look at me, Prue.” He slammed his hands down on the bed. “I’m never going to be whole again. Don’t you understand that?”

“Yes, I do understand and I. Don’t. Care. You’re alive, and that’s all that matters.”

“Please, just go home, Prue. Don’t sit there and look at me with your sad eyes begging me.”

“You really want me to go home?”

A tear slipped off my chin and dripped onto his hand. Holden’s gaze followed, and for a moment, I thought he was going to change his mind. Then his face went blank, and I knew I’d lost him.

“I don’t want you anymore,” he said with his jaw set.

Standing, I stumbled to the door and looked back one last time.

“Goodbye, Holden.”

22

HOLDEN

Turning toward the wall,I couldn’t watch Prue walk out the door, even if I had been the one who pushed her away. I tried to get accustomed to the boulder that sat on my chest. Each word I spoke to Prue made it heavier and heavier until it became almost impossible to breathe. When I saw the tears in her eyes, I knew that I had made the right choice in making her go.

Prue didn’t deserve to have to take care of me, to watch me struggle and learn how to live life again with part of my leg missing. She’d taken care of her father for so long, and I wanted her to be free to do whatever she wanted. Not to be burdened by me and the life she’d lead if she stayed.

For the past few months, I had been searching within myself to figure out what I wanted to do once I got home. A home I had now given up for a second time. I had thought about becoming a cop in Fairlane or around the area, but now I had no idea what I wanted to do. Being a cop was out of the question, and so was being with Prue. I knew I could always go to college and become an architect like I’d wanted to do back in high school, but I couldn’t imagine spending the next four years sitting in a classroom.

I was lost in more ways than one, and I had no idea if I’d ever find myself.

I had to keep telling myself that I had done the right thing sending Prue away, but as each day passed, the hole in my chest grew larger and the boulder became heavier. I started to second guess myself and my choices. If I hadn’t been in the hospital, I would have been in a bar drinking until I was blackout drunk. Instead, all I could do was stare at the walls and avoid the narrowed eyes from the nurses.

I had nothing to do but think about my situation.

Before, I thought being separated from Prue was bad, but it was nothing like winning her back only to send her away. The thought of never seeing her smiling face or her beautiful green eyes light up when she looked at me, killed me inside.

Closing my eyes, I prayed that I would wake up from this nightmare.

Instead, I was greeted each and every day by the nightmare that had become my life.

I’d lost a part of me.

My leg.

And Prue.

23

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