Page 38 of Unsteady in Love

“Prue,” he scolded.

“No,” I interrupted. “I understand you need time to come to terms with losing part of your leg. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I want to be there for you.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” he choked out.

“I don’t think you know what you’re asking by trying to make me leave. I should have the right to choose what I want to do with my life. You’ve already done this once and that didn’t work out well for either one of us.”

“This is for the best. I’m a mess and don’t want you to have to spend the rest of your life taking care of me.”

I knew that if I were standing in front of him in that moment, I would have seen tears in his eyes. My chest ached at the thought, and I wanted nothing more than to see him and pull him into my arms.

“Holden,” I said softly, “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it isn’t always going to be this way. In a couple of months, you’ll be healed up enough to get fitted for a prosthetic. In the meantime, you can walk with crutches or other devices. Yes, life will be different for you, but I can promise you’ll have a good life. We’ll have a good life. One with endless possibilities. All you have to do is stop trying to push me away because if you keep pushing, eventually, you’ll get your wish.”

He was quiet for several long minutes. At one point, I pulled my phone away to see if he’d hung up. “Do you really believe that?” I could have sworn I heard hope in his voice, or it might have been my own hope reflecting back at me.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t believe it.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He hung up.

25

HOLDEN

I couldn’t takethe hope in Prue’s voice, so instead, I hung up on her. I knew I shouldn’t have called her, but I was so pissed-off and had been staring at her phone number scribbled on a piece of paper since I’d arrived in San Diego. I picked up the phone and spat my venom at her only for Prue’s words to slowly start to sink in.

Most of the time I knew that, of course, I could have a life; a good life with part of my leg missing, but it wasn’t the life I’d envisioned having with Prue once I got home. From the time I saw her in the parking lot after her father’s funeral, I knew I’d do everything within my power to get her back. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, and it hadn’t been, but I’d finally gotten my girl. For months, I’d fantasized about the first time I would see her again. The first time I would have her in my arms. I was going to ravish her for hours on end until we both couldn’t move and then start up again until she was pregnant with my child.

Now I couldn’t imagine having her look at me with the sheet not covering me up, let alone letting her see me without clothes. What would she think once she finally saw my leg? Would she leave once she saw how grotesque I was? Those were the thoughts that had run through my mind since I’d woke up and learned they’d had to amputate my leg halfway between my ankle and knee. But after getting off the phone with Prue, I couldn’t help but think maybe she wouldn’t run when she finally got a good look at my leg.

For the next week, my mind was on a loop of what she’d said. Could she really see me the way she thought she could? Could I let her? Finally, I couldn't wonder anymore. I sent her a text asking her to come visit me the next day. Her response was immediate, and I wondered yet again if I’d made the right choice.

I didn’t sleep the night before. My insides twisted in knots as I imagined the horrified look on her face when she saw the new me. Once the sun came up, I didn’t have long to wait until Prue peeked around the door of my room. Her eyes were bright, but I could see her apprehension as she took her first step into the room.

“Hi,” she said quietly.

My eyes trailed over her slim figure. She’d lost more weight, and I knew I was to blame. Even being too skinny and with no makeup on, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Her hair trailed down her back. She wore a baggy t-shirt that I knew had once fit her, short shorts, and flip flops. Every inch of skin was a nice, golden brown.

“Hi,” I answered back just as faintly.

“Thanks for asking me to come.” She stepped closer with unsure steps. “I wasn’t sure if you ever would.”

“I wasn’t either. I’m still not sure if this is a good idea or not,” I confessed.

Standing at the edge of the bed with her eyes locked on mine, she asked, “What would you do if I lost an arm or a leg?”

“You know what I’d do,” I answered a little too harshly causing her to step back. “It wouldn’t matter to me.”

“Yet, you still want to push me away.” Her voice conveyed how that broke her heart,

“I don’t want this life for you. You could have so much better than me. This is just the beginning. Who knows how fucked I’ll be out there in the real world? I can barely function here in a hospital. What’s going to happen when I leave?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll be there with you every step of the way if you’ll let me.”

“Prue,” I shook my head and let out a deep breath, “how many times can I tell you that I don’t want that life for you? You spent so long taking care of your dad, and now me?”

“I’m a nurse, Holden, I like taking care of people.” I started to interrupt her, but she continued on with narrowed eyes. “I don’t get some sick, perverted feeling from it, but I’m not one to run away from taking care of the people I love. Yes, it sucked taking care of my dad day and night in the end, but only because I knew he was going to die. Those were my last moments with him. Now it’s so hard to remember him healthy.”

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