Page 44 of Unsteady in Love

Lifting my head, I stood strong as I looked into the eyes of the only man I’d ever loved besides my father. My breath caught in my throat at the tortured look on his face.

“Baby, come here. Please, don’t leave this way,” Holden said gruffly, holding his hand out for me to take.

I walked slowly over to him as if I might step in quicksand if I walked too quickly. When I finally got close enough, Holden sat forward and pulled me the rest of the way to him and up onto the bed.

“Hey, everything is going to be okay.” He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. “You’re the only person I want to be with and the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. In the long run, what’s another month or two?”

“I don’t want to be away from you. Is that so hard to understand?” I whimpered into his neck.

“It’s not.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to be without you either, but I also don’t want you to see me struggle for the next stage of my life.”

“I understand, but I hate it,” I grumbled. “I hate to complain because this isn’t about me, but you want me to go back home where I’ll be lonely and without you.”

Nuzzling my neck, Holden sighed. “Do this for me, and we can start planning a honeymoon. How does that sound?”

“Better.” I placed my hand on his chest and sat back. “Are you planning on letting me touch you?”

Holden bit down on his full bottom lip causing me to do the same. He wasn’t sure, but why?

“I hope to. That’s all I can give you right now.” He placed his hands on top of mine. “Sometimes, I wish you’d just let me be,” he laughed bitterly. “I know you only ask because you’re confused, and part of that is because I don’t talk about it. I’m still coming to terms with my body and what it looks like now. I don’t really care about the scars that are scattered all over me, but…” Tears filled his eyes as he looked down at his legs. “This is a lot. I haven’t even gotten a full look at it yet. I’m not ready for you to see me like that. Does that make sense?” His eyes came to mine.

“It does.” I put my arms around him and laid my head on his shoulder, squeezing him tight. “I don’t have to look at your leg to touch you, but I’ll respect your wishes. I don’t want to make you do anything that will make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it for myself.” I kissed his stubbly cheek. “Thank you for telling me, and I promise to wait as long as you need.”

“Christ, I sound like a chick who isn’t ready to lose her virginity,” he chuckled, and a little bit of light came back into his eyes.

“All the same, I love you, Holden.”

“Feel better?” he asked putting his arms around me.

“Yeah, thanks. I feel like it should be me making you feel better.”

“You do. I promise. Now kiss me before you go because, even though I’m asking you to leave, I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

My hands snaked around his neck as I pulled him closer, our lips meeting as if for the first time.

Desperate with longing.

I was going to miss his kisses.

My wounded Marine.

The love of my life.

28

PRUE

“So, let me get this straight,”Alex wrinkled her brows in confusion. “Holden asked you to leave, but he’s not pushing you away?” I face planted into my couch not knowing how to explain. “Hey, sit back up, chica.”

Sitting up, I stared at her through my phone screen. “He doesn’t want me to see him struggle, and I get that, but it still sucks that now I’m back here in Fairlane and he’s in California.”

“I would have stayed if I were you,” she grumbled before taking a sip from a straw sticking out of her coconut.

“I thought about it, but I think it makes him feel better knowing that I can’t walk in on him at any moment. You know?” I choked up and bit my bottom lip.

“Long distance is hard when you love someone. I cried almost every single night being apart from Luke. It doesn’t make you weak just because you miss him. It’s normal, and it will make it all the sweeter when he’s finally there.”

Alex admitting she cried every night was a huge step. She hated crying in front of anyone. She didn’t even talk about crying.

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