Page 54 of Unsteady in Love

Laughing, I sat our plates down and kissed him on the cheek. “I missed your sense of humor.”

“I’ll be here all…forever. Shit,” he laughed, taking a sip of his milk, “that didn’t sound good, but neither does all week. You know what I mean.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just eat so I can have my way with you again.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He saluted me.

* * *

“Holden?”I said his name quietly, unsure if he was asleep yet or not.

“Mmm…” He pulled me closer to his chest and nuzzled me.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything.” He kissed the top of my head.

“You were or are surprisingly okay with me seeing your body and your leg.”

“That’s not a question.” His voice was monotone. I wasn’t sure if I should continue or not, but I knew if I held back everything I wanted to say to him, I’d start to resent him and myself. I wanted us to be able to communicate.

“No, I guess it’s not, but I don’t know, I thought it would be tougher to get you into bed with me. You would barely let me touch you when I saw you before. What happened?” I thought he’d be more uncomfortable and would want the lights out. That he’d hide from me.

“Well,” he drew out the word, “I’ve had plenty of time to think these past few months, and I realized I’d be the dumbest man on the planet if, after finally winning you back, I lost you because I was ashamed of my body. My leg isn’t ever going to grow back, and while it was hard, I knew I had to come to terms with the way my life is now.” He squeezed me tighter. “I have so much to be thankful for. I shouldn’t have to get any more surgeries, and I’m lucky I lost my leg where I did. I realized it’s not the end of the world. This is who I am now.”

I leaned up on my elbows to look down at him. “I was afraid of how you saw yourself in the hospital. I know it was hard when you couldn’t get out of bed because your body needed to heal. You really are lucky.”

“Not once when you were visiting did you look at me differently.”

“Of course not, Holden. I love you, and I’m grateful you’re here with me. You’re still you. Hell, you’re better than you were in high school. You’re the new and improved Holden Montgomery. Only now you’re a little bionic.”

Holden threw his head back and laughed. “I’m not bionic yet but maybe one day.” His face turned serious, his eyes searching mine. “It really doesn’t bother you?”

“Not one bit.”

“You haven’t seen it without the sock on it. You might change your mind,” he mumbled, not looking my way.

Sitting up I looked him in the eyes. “Do you think I’ll see it and all of a sudden ask for a divorce? When you’re ready for me to look, then I’ll look, but it’s not going to change the way I feel about you. I can promise you that.”

“It happens,” he replied, looking up at the ceiling.

Taking a breath, I nodded because it did happen. “I’m sure it does. Not everyone is as lucky as you. So many more are hurt so badly, but I truly believe this will barely change your life.

“I’m so lucky to have you by my side. If you weren’t so understanding, I wouldn’t be where I am today. More than likely, I would have gone into a deep depression, so thank you for sticking with me even when I was an asshole and pushed you away.”

“You’re welcome.” I kissed my name on his chest.

“I’m not going to lie. Not all days are good days, but I know I can do this. I have a therapist to see in Riverside to help me deal with everything. I only ask for you to be patient with me.”

“I promise.” He had no idea what I’d go through to be with him. There was no way I’d ever let him leave me again.

“With you, the most beautiful woman in the world, by my side, I can get through anything.”

“And I promise I’ll never leave your side. Not until the end of my days.”

32

PRUE

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