Page 8 of Unsteady in Love

How hadI gotten myself into this mess? I didn’t want to see Holden again, let alone have dinner with him. But those damn puppy dog eyes did me in. Whenever he had wanted to get his way and I had disagreed, which hadn’t been often, Holden had always known how to get me to cave.

I didn’t know what he thought we had to talk about. I’d listened to what he had to say, and I did understand that he’d thought he was doing what was best for us, but it still didn’t make it hurt any less after all these years. I’d thought of his mom and dad as family and it broke my heart all over again to learn they had wanted Holden to marry someone else and that they’d probably been planning it since his grandfather died.

I paced from the living room into the kitchen and back, and each time I couldn’t help but look over and see all the bills that were piled up on the table. My interviews had gone well, but no one was hiring in my small town, and I wasn’t sure if I could afford to commute to Riverside or any of the other surrounding cities. It didn’t matter if I could afford it because if I didn’t get a job and soon, I was going to be homeless. Tomorrow I would look into expanding my search, and I wouldn’t stop until I was employed.

The sharp knock on the door broke me out of my musings. Taking in a deep breath, I tried to clear my mind of being out of a job and all the money I now owed. No longer would I have my dad’s disability check to help pay for all the medical bills.

Opening the door, I was shocked to see Holden in a black button-down shirt and dark jeans. He looked nice. Beyond nice, but I didn’t want to think about how hot he was and the man he’d become.

“Are you ready?” he asked a little gruffly.

“Yeah, let me get my purse and lock up. Where are we going?”

“Wherever you suggest.”

“Oh, well, I don’t know. I can’t remember the last time I went out to dinner. Hmmm…” It had been so long since I’d had extra money for such an expense. Not that I had any now, but I couldn’t say no to those damn eyes. “My neighbor Alex, you met her boyfriend the other day—”

“Good neighbors to have. Looking out for you.” He nodded, ushering me down the steps to his car.

“Actually, she moved.” And it sucked. Alex was my only friend, and now that we weren’t neighbors anymore, I wasn’t sure when I’d see her. “Anyhow, she loves this Italian restaurant, so we could go there. She always raved about it and tried to get me to go with her a couple of times.”

“Give me directions. I’ve been here a couple of days, but I still don’t know my way around.” His brows pinched together. “Did your neighbor move far away?”

Putting my seatbelt on, I gave him directions. My town was small, so we had to go to a nearby town to eat, but it wasn’t far. “I’m not really sure where she moved to, but Fairlane isn’t too big, so she can’t be that far. But she isn’t next door anymore.”

Sitting so close to him was distracting. He smelled like home. The aroma of spice and warmth. But then I remembered; he wasn’t home. Holden was nothing to me and never would be again.

“Turn here?” I confirmed it was the right turn. “Is she a good friend?” he asked, looking over at me.

“My only friend really, but yeah she’s a good friend. Her little boy is so cute and sweet.” I smiled thinking of Mason’s adorable face. “I’m glad she’s got Luke now, and with her no longer being my neighbor, that means no more of hearing her ex-husband yelling outside her house.”

Holden grunted beside me. I had no idea what it meant, and I didn’t really care. I hated how easy it was for me to talk to him. There was no point in opening up to him. I needed to remember how he had left me and was leaving again in a matter of days. We were quiet for the rest of the short ride to the restaurant. I was excited to try the food that Alex had been raving about since it opened.

Once seated, there was an awkwardness in the air. Neither one of us knew what to talk about. I didn’t want to talk about the past. To bring up the old hurt. And I had nothing to speak about for the future either. Luckily, a waitress brought fresh bread and butter to the table and asked what we wanted to drink. I didn’t miss the way her eyes hooded as she took Holden in. He didn’t even spare her a glance as he ordered a water and continued to peruse the menu.

“Did you know there’s only one hotel in your town?” Holden asked as he set his menu down and buttered up his bread.

“Most people stay a couple of towns over in Riverside. We don’t get many tourists here.”

“Why’d you move here?” His eyes gleamed with curiosity from across the table.

Did I want to tell him the truth? No, I didn’t, but I knew he would be able to tell if I was lying.

Picking up my menu to hide behind, I read over their amazing selections. It was almost impossible to pick only one thing to eat. Everything sounded good, making my stomach rumble. It had been too long since I’d had a decent meal. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly and peeked over the menu to find Holden watching me.

“It was too hard to stay in Oak Park. Everything reminded me of you, and when all I did was cry, my dad suggested we move. I applied to schools in Missouri, and after I was accepted to one in Riverside, we relocated to Fairlane.”

I continued to look over the menu to avoid looking at Holden. It wasn’t until his hand covered mine that I dropped the menu and pulled my hand back, cradling it to my chest as if he’d wounded me with just his touch.

But hadn’t he?

“I’m sorry, Prue.” He closed his eyes, and I could see the pain strain his rugged face.

“After graduation, my life changed in so many ways.” I shook my head at everything I’d gone through. “You broke me. Shattered my heart into a million and one pieces to never be put back together again. And then,” I closed my eyes as my chin trembled, “a week later we found out that my dad had lung cancer. Can you believe that? Never smoked a day in his life, and he got fucking lung cancer.”

“He didn’t deserve to get cancer.” Holden’s eyes turned sad. “If I could turn back time, I would have never left. I would have been there for you and your dad and helped you.”

“But you did leave, Holden. You left, only to show up at my father’s funeral. I needed you and you were gone.” I couldn’t keep the hurt from my tone.

---