Page 30 of Secret Admirer

“Come on now, Lucille. You know my circumstances. I’d be out on the streets if it weren’t for you. There’s nothing for me to contribute. What kind of relationship can we have? She’s better off not knowing me. Did you see the car she dropped me off in? Well, that’s nothing compared to her house. She’s loaded and can have anyone she wants.”

“And you think that someone can’t be you?”

“Why would it be me?” I shake my head at her.

“Why wouldn’t it? I’ve seen this time and time again when people finally get off the streets. They no longer have any self-confidence, but trust me, you’re worth it to someone. I can’t say if it’s the girl outside in her expensive car or if it’s someone you’ll meet later down the line, but I’ve seen your kind heart and how well you work with the children here.” Her smile widens. “You’re most definitely a catch if I do say so myself.”

It’s sweet of her to say, and maybe she’s right about my self-confidence being gone after living so long on the streets, but Coco is simply out of my league. I’m just happy she’s let me be in her orbit.

“Are you going to be gone again tonight?” she asks waggling her all gray eyebrows comically.

“She asked me to stay another night, so I’m going to grab my things. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to be back until Monday for your class. I won’t give away your bed until you tell me to, I promise. Now hurry and get your things before you leave your girl waiting too long.”

Realizing that it doesn’t matter what I say, I only smile at Lucille as I pass her on my way to my room. I grab my backpack with all my belongings in it. I haven’t unpacked even though Lucille encouraged me to do so. After protecting my things for years and almost giving up my life once, I can’t bring myself to unpack. It would be too easy for someone to steal something, and I barely have any possessions as it is.

Do I bring everything with me or do I risk it and only take a change of clothes for tomorrow? I don’t want to look like I’m moving in when she only asked me to stay for the night. As much as I want to trust the people here, I’m not there yet so I sling my backpack over my shoulder and head out to the parking lot.

I find Coco rocking out in her car, beating the steering wheel like a drum. Loud music thumps from inside. She looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world as her lips move with the song. She’s carefree and beautiful. A goddess here on Earth. Not wanting to scare her, I knock on the window. She screams, clutching her chest as she looks at me wide eyed.

When I go to open the passenger door, I find it locked. Probably a smart idea for the area we’re in. Fumbling, Coco unlocks the door, her hands shaking.

Bending down, I look at her from my side of the car. “I’m so sorry, Coco. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was trying to do the exact opposite.”

“It’s fine,” she replies shakily. Her cheeks are flushed, and her eyes are still big as she looks at me.

“I’m really sorry. If you want me to stay here, I can.” I set my bag on the ground and squat so I can see her better.

“Don’t be silly, Bodhi. I’m not scared ofyou. You make me feel safe.” Sshe laughs a high tinkling laugh that’s so unlike her real laugh.

Reaching across the car, I take her hand in mine. “Did something happen?”

Coco looks down at her hand in mine. Maybe I overstepped my boundaries with touching her. I try to pull my hand back, but she tightens her grip. “Nothing happened except I was alone for a few hours. I had all these plans, and they all went out the window the second I stepped foot into my house. God, Bodhi what if I can’t be alone without being scared for my life?”

I don’t know what to say. I don’t think she wants to hear me say that it’s normal to be scared, but what else is there to say? I can’t imagine being in her position. I’ve been scared plenty of times while I was out on the streets and my only solution was to stay up and tried to protect myself as best I could.

“I can promise you won’t be scared forever. Are you scared of being attacked, or of someone coming to your house?”

“Is it crazy I think someone is going to try to get me in my house?”

Moving to sit inside the car, I keep her hand in mine. “Not at all. No one expects you to be unfazed by what happened. Maybe you should stay in a hotel or with your friend until you aren’t overwhelmed and feel safe.”

“I felt safe with you there,” she says on a whisper. “I know we’ve only known each other for a short while and it’s probably crazy for me to ask you to stay with me, but it would mean a lot to me. I promise to entertain and feed you,” she cringes. Her hand becomes sweaty in mine. “I have a confession to make… eggs are about the only thing I know how to cook. My plan for today was to watch cooking shows and hope to come up with something for dinner.”

Does Coco only associate me with the need for food?

“You don’t need to cook for me. I don’t want you to see me like that… I’m… I’ve got…” I look out the door unsure how to continue. I don’t want to be her charity case, but her hero.

“I don’t see you as anything but the beautiful man who saved me last night and indulged in my craziness to stay with me. We both have to eat, and I’ve got that amazing kitchen that I’m not using. You’re an excuse for me to step up my skills and not eat out every night.” She places her other hand on my bicep and softly asks. “Bodhi, will you please look at me?”

Why couldn’t I have met Coco when I was in New York and had a promising career? Not when I barely have a penny to my name. Reluctantly I look at her and instantly her lips tip up, brightening my previous dark thoughts.

“I have no preconceived notions about you. Show me who you are Bodhi, and that’s who I’ll believe you are. Can you do that?” Her hand rubs up and down my arm and, in that moment, I’d do anything for her even give my life if it came down to it.

The lump in my throat prevents me from speaking. All I can do is nod my head as I stare at the amazing women in front of me.

“Good. Now if you haven’t noticed I don’t live too close to town. Before I lived not far from the salon where I could easily stop and get something to eat on my way home or have it delivered. While I can still grab something on the way home, no one but pizza places deliver. I had pizza every night while I moved in so I’m over it for now. Having a guest though is pushing me to actually use that kitchen.” Her eyes shine with sincerity. “Plus, it’s healthier.”

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