Page 38 of Secret Admirer

Holy shit! Four years is a long ass time. I can’t imagine not having sex for that long and it probably adds to why he’s been so standoffish with me.

Smoothing my hand down his arm, I lace our fingers together. “I trust you, Bodhi, with my heart and my body. I’m on the pill and have been since I was seventeen. I haven’t been with anyone since my ex and even though we always used condoms, I got checked after we broke up to make sure I was clean.” Lifting up I kiss him on the chin. “I want you to know I’m not easy.”

He probably thinks I’m crazy having him stay here when we don’t know each other well, but everything in me says I can trust him. He hasn’t let me down yet and I know he won’t.

His arm slides across the cool skin of my back, hugging me to him and lifts his head until our eyes lock. “Never in a million years would I think you’re easy.” His voice has gone down an octave and is profoundly serious.

“Thank you.” And I mean it. I can tell he’s being one hundred percent honest with me.

His eyes scan my face questioning me, but for what I’m not sure. Is he looking to see if I’m sincere?

“What are we doing here, Coco?”

18

Coco

“What are we doing here, Coco?”I can see his cheeks flush even in the dim light coming from the clock on the bedside table.

“Falling asleep in each other's arms.” I rest my head back down and snuggle into him. Our hands are still laced together. I had been only minutes if not seconds away from drifting away in the comfort of his arms.

“That’s not what I mean,” he says softly and shifts to his side, keeping our bodies’ skin to skin with his arms wrapped around my shoulders and lower back. His eyes blaze with emotion as we share a pillow and stare at one another.

Furrowing my brows, I question him because I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Okay, then what did you mean?”

“Us. Me and you.” He indicates first him then me. “What are we doing? Is this…” Bodhi swallows harshly as if he has a bitter taste in his mouth. “Is this a one time thing or—”

I cut him off not liking where his mind is. “It’s most definitely not a one timethingfor me. You want a label for what we’re doing?” I grasp his hand that now rests between us. “I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to see you as much as possible and get to know everything about you. The good. The bad and the ugly.Everythingbecause I want to know how you became the amazing man that’s before me.”

Bodhi’s Adam’s apple bobs as he bites his bottom lip. “That’s a lot,” he says hoarsely.

“Do you not want the same thing?” I clench my free hand into a fist at my side.

“I do. More than you know, Coco, and I’ll fight like hell to prove it to you.”

“Good, now that that’s out of the way, why don’t we go to sleep?” I slip my arm around his waist as he slips his around mine. It’s perfect, as if we’ve been doing it for months and not for the first time. I’m relieved to find out Bodhi is a cuddler because Dwayne hated being touched while asleep or when falling asleep. It made for rather lonely sleepovers.

* * *

“Are you still my girlfriend?” Bodhi asks out of nowhere. I jump a mile in the air and hold my hand over my heart. “Oh my God, you scared the crap out of me,” I pant at him wide eyed.

When I woke up this morning, Bodhi was gone but one of the shades had been up, so I assumed he was outside somewhere. I’d thought nothing of it. Maybe he’d gone to check on the work of the security team or for a walk. I didn’t hear him enter the house, as I’m lost attempting to make French toast. I keep burning it and failing miserably.

Padding the rest of the way over on bare feet, he chews on the inside of his cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think and I should have with everything going on. Next time, I’ll make sure to make more noise.”

Shaking my head, I wish I could break him of the habit of always apologizing for everything. It’s as if he thinks I’ll get mad at him and be done with him forever or something as equally ridiculous.

Flipping over a piece of bread, I’m happy to see it isn’t burnt. “No, I should have been more aware of my surroundings since the alarm isn’t on. I need to give you the code to the alarm and the front and garage doors. That way I can keep the alarm on while you’re outside or not here.”

“Coco,” he says raggedly, clasping his hands together, “that’s a lot of trust I’m not sure I’ve earned yet.”

“You saying that right there earned my trust.” Taking a step toward him, I wrap my arms around his neck and look up at him. “How can you think you haven’t earned my trust? You saved me from an attack and have been here every night to protect me from the boogieman. You went charging after whoever or whatever’s been out there. I trust you with my life, Bodhi. I feel it deep down in my gut. You’re a good guy no matter what you think. You can’t argue with me; I know this from hanging out with you and getting to know you. I don’t care about your past. It’s not as if you were or are a criminal. I only care about who you are now. I really wish you’d see and accept yourself as I do.”

“Your trust in me means more than you know.” He struggles to say the words with all the emotion clogging his voice.

Moving back to the stove, I flip over a slightly too browned piece of French toast and place it on a plate. “Now let me get back to making breakfast. It might actually be good if I don’t burn anymore.”

Bodhi stands off to the side eying the charred pieces on another plate and I’m reminded of what he said when he came inside.

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