Page 12 of Kiss Me

“I don’t know.” I shrugged and looked at the mistletoe hanging at the front door. “I guess I used to when I was young and saw the belief through her eyes, but now,” I let out a deep breath, “I don’t even know if I believe in love, let alone that we each have someone who we are destined to be with.”

Gabi sat up and moved to the edge of her seat. “I don’t know if I’d put it like that. I don’t believe in destiny, but I do believe that we make our own fate. Even though I have no reason to, I believe in soulmates. Maybe that’s what your mom meant.”

“Perhaps,” I said, keeping my eyes on the mistletoe and thinking of the happiness and wonder on my mother’s face during Christmastime.

“Did your mom decorate for you?” she asked innocently, not knowing the dagger she’d just used to pierce my heart.

Needing some space, I left to get a bottle of water. After taking a couple of deep swallows, I braced my hands on the counter and looked outside. Everything was covered in a sheet of ice.

It was peaceful. The only sounds were the snaps from branches breaking and the crackle of the fireplace.

“Hey,” Gabi placed her hand between my shoulder blades. “Are you okay? If I overstepped my boundaries, just say so. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t. Don’t worry about it.” I continued to stare out the window, and after a few minutes of silence on both our parts, I listened to Gabi walk away. Unable to stop thinking about how happy the holidays had made my mom and how she would have wanted me to be happy.

Could I be happy with Gabi?Would it be worth opening up to her if she was only going to leave? We were from two very different worlds. Fuck, if I wasn’t thinking like some chick. I couldn’t deny that I had never once in my life been drawn to anyone the way I was to Gabi. It was getting harder and harder to fight the pull I felt toward her.

Lowering my head, I closed my eyes before pushing off the counter to find Gabi. Here she was my guest, and I had ignored her when she was trying to makemefeelbetter.

Starting in the living room, I searched from room to room, unable to find her downstairs. Making my way up the stairs, I spotted her sitting on the top step with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.

I knew she could hear me as I made my way up the steps, each creaking with my weight, yet she continued to be unmoved. “Gabi,” I spoke her name quietly as I sat a couple of steps below her, so that we’d be on the same level.

Neither of us said anything for a few moments. I was so out of practice with women, I had no idea how to handle the situation. If I would have known she would take my silence so hard, I wouldn’t have ignored her. I had only wanted a few minutes to myself so that she wouldn’t see how upset talking about my mom made me.

“Gabi,” I said a little louder this time as I scooted closer and rested one hand on top of hers. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m… fuck, I’m not used to this.”

Turning her head, she peeked out of her curtain of hair. “Used to what?”

“Talking. Opening up. I’m not good at this, but I feel like shit for upsetting you.”

“From my experience, most men aren’t particularly good at opening up.” She bit her bottom lip as she peeked out a little more. A look of indecision on her face.

“Go ahead and say whatever’s on your mind.” Moving the hair from her face, I tucked it behind her ear. The moment we touched skin-to-skin, I felt a rush of warmth through my body as Gabi gasped in shock.

Clearing her throat, Gabi sat up with eyes wide and bright. “Wow!” She eyed my hand that I let fall to my lap. “Um… I might be wrong here, but I think when your girlfriend broke up with you, you started to see yourself differently.”

“No,” I denied and started to get to my feet.

“Wait, Jax. Don’t go yet. Please, just hear me out.” Her shoulders slumped as she looked up at me. “Like I said, I might be wrong, but I don’t think I am.”

If she wanted me to stay, she was going about it in the wrong way. Why couldn’t we talk about boring shit instead of all the things from my past that still haunted me?

I stood and started making my way back downstairs when I said over my shoulder. “I’m going to try to make us some soup. I thought I could cut up the vegetables in the fridge and put them in a pot with some stock in the fireplace. It will either be a total failure or a warm meal to celebrate New Year’s Eve.”

“Do you need any help?” she asked hopeful.

“I’m good. There’s a den downstairs. It’s the last door on the right. It has all my mom’s old books, and mine. There should be something for you to read in there. If you open the blinds and curtains in your room, there should be enough light to read by if you sit in the chair.”

“Oh, okay. I guess I’ll do that then.” Ducking her head back down, she hid her face.

And once again, I felt like an asshole. I’d gone to apologize and fix my mistake, only to hurt her again. I really needed to get my head out of my ass or figure out a way to get Gabi to her friend’s house and out of my life.

I knew which one would be easier, but which way would my heart lead me?

8

Gabi

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