Page 36 of Risk

Turning in his arms, I was shocked to find his eyes glassy and red-rimmed. Cupping his now stubbly cheeks in my hands, I fought back the emotion that was trying to overtake me.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Cal. Udo’s doing this because he knows it will affect you and hoping that he’ll beat you.” I tried with everything in me to keep my sadness out of my words, but I knew I was unsuccessful when his hand clasped around the back of my neck and pulled me into his chest.

“It doesn’t make any sense. Even if he beats me in the next two races, he won’t win the season. He doesn’t have the points. He’ll be lucky to be racing for CD Enterprises next year.” With every word, his arms tightened on me a little bit more until I was in the best bear hug of my life. “Fuck, Doc, I hate that you’re flying back to Spain tonight. How am I going to sleep without you in my bed?”

Before I could answer, he fisted my hair and pulled my head back to crash his lips to mine. This wasn’t a kiss I’d experienced from him before. It was desperate and rushed as if I might be pulled through the door at any moment.

A goodbye.

It felt like the end.

Our breaths hitched at the same time as we pulled away, and a single tear made its way down my cheek. I didn’t bother to brush it away. I knew once I stepped out the door, I was going to break down, and my face would be flooded with tears. This was the end of my happily ever after.

Resting his forehead to mine, we gazed into each other's eyes, unsure of what to say, yet they said everything with only a look.

I’m going to miss you.

I love you.

Goodbye.

13

Callum

Sao Paulo, Brazil

My eyes closedof their own volition as I stared out at my car. Formula One racing had been my entire life for the last ten years, and after giving up friends, companionship, and the love of my life for it, it didn’t seem worth it anymore. I hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours at a time since Aspen stepped out of our hotel room. I gave her a couple of days to get home before I tried to contact her, and maybe that was too long because now, she wasn’t taking my calls or returning any of my messages.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to race today without her. Knowing that if panic took over, she wouldn’t be there to talk me down. To remind me of what I needed to do or to simply hear her voice. It didn’t matter what she said, the instant her voice came over the system, my heart and breath slowed and then sped up for an entirely different reason.

Udo passed by me with a smirk that I wanted to punch right off his smug fucking face. He was lucky I’d stayed in my hotel rooms since I found out he was the one that sent the video of Aspen and I making out heavily on the beach.

At first, I’d lain in the bed Aspen and I had slept in so I could take in her scent and pretend she was still by my side, but once it disappeared, I stared out at nothing hoping the nothingness would take me. With barely any sleep or food, I was in rough shape, but I knew even in my worst condition, I could beat Udo’s ass out on the track. That was if I didn’t have a panic attack.

Kaspar slapped a hand on my shoulder and then gave it a hard squeeze. “Get your head in the fucking game, man. Don’t let that rat bastard win. When this is all over, you can go get your girl.”

Keeping my eyes on my car, I asked. “How d'you find out?”

“I’ve known all along, man. It wasn’t hard to see how much you changed since she joined the team.” I swiveled my head to look at him. “Not your driving. That’s always been stellar, except for...”

When I was all freaking out and losing my shit. Yeah, I knew.

“You smiled and talked more. Hell, you were friendly to everyone but Udo and Eduardo.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’ve always been nice to everyone but them,” I amended.

“That’s true, but you were different, and now,” he frowned, “now you’re sad all the time and barely give anyone the time of day.”

“She won’t answer my calls. I think she turned off her phone. None of the messages I’ve sent her are marked delivered.”

“Are you sure she didn’t change her number?” he asked, hesitantly.

“I’d think the same thing if I didn’t get her voicemail and hear her voice. It fucking sucks, man. I get why she had to go, but at the same time, how am I supposed to drive without her?” I looked back out at my car. The object that used to mean everything to me, but was turning into resentment with each passing day. I never thought I’d feel that way about my career. “What am I going to do, Kas?”

“You’re going to go out there and kick ass. Show those assholes they can’t beat you no matter how hard they try.” He slapped my back again and then left to go over his checklist of things to do before the race.

I hadn’t eaten what I usually ate before every race, making my gut growl with hunger. I was hungry, but I couldn’t eat. Not since she left. I knew I should have tried to shove my ritual breakfast sandwich down my throat or even something for lunch, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

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