Page 37 of Risk

One of the crew ran by me and asked if I was ready so fast, I couldn’t make out who it was.

All I knew was it was time to get my shit together and race. Walking over to the green and white car, I ran the tip of my finger over each letter of my name before I squatted down, kissed my fingertips, and placed them on the hot ground. On autopilot, I got in my car and buckled in, waiting for my team to finish and attach my steering wheel.

Closing my eyes, I did exactly what Aspen had taught me. I’d already done my breathing exercises this morning, but I did them again as I tried to center myself. Once my mind was blank, I pictured my happy place. It used to be on the ranch I grew up on as the sun rose, but now it was of Aspen in my bed with her dark hair spread out over my pillow. She was looking right at me with a big smile on her face. It was so real I felt like I could reach out and touch her.

“You’ve got his, Callum,” she whispered, her voice floated on the breeze. “I love you.”

We’d never said those words to each other, even though I knew we both felt them. Why had I waited to tell her? I should have said something before she left that night from our hotel room.

She sat up, the sheet falling to her waist, exposing her beautiful naked breasts. Lifting her hand to her lips, she kissed it and blew. “Good luck, Cal.”

A beep went off in my ear, signaling the race was about to start. The second my steering wheel was attached, I grasped it like my life depended on it. The leather of my gloves flexed with the movement. The crew stepped away from the car a second before the engine roared to life.

The radio was silent as I watched the countdown. I was ready—or as ready as I could be. I was determined to show Udo up and come in first place this race and the next. I was going to shoot the fucking champagne right in his ugly fucking face as I stood on the podium from the top spot.

My tires spun as I took off along with my heartbeat. My grip tightened on my steering wheel, and my entire body tensed as the car on my right swerved into another car. Take off was the hardest part now, but I managed, even without hearing her voice through my headset. Kaspar updated me with everything going on around me but otherwise stayed quiet.

I wasn’t sure what set me off. Nothing in particular happened. One minute I was fine, passing cars and starting to take the lead, and the next second, my vision went hazy for a moment. When it came back, I tried to focus hard. Breathing and trying to find my happy place, but my anxiety built from my stomach up to my esophagus in a nanosecond and completely overtook me. My breath turned into labored pants.

“What’s going on, Crew?” Kaspar asked. When I stayed quiet, he finally said. “It’s just you and me on here. I’ve blocked everyone else out. Talk to me.”

“I don’t know, man. I…nothing and something.” I managed to get out the stuttered sentence.

“Try what Dr. Belle taught you,” he rushed out as I slowed down.

“I did, but it didn’t work. Why didn’t it work?”

“Okay, okay. Give me a minute. Can you keep driving?”

“I’m trying,” was all I could say. I wasn’t even sure if I could make it around to the pit. At least wondering why he wanted me to give him a minute kept my mind slightly diverted and helped ease the panic slightly.

He came back on after what seemed like five minutes, but I knew he’d been radio silent for less than a minute. “Okay, Cal. How are you doing?”

“Trying to hold on. Where am I at in standing?” I knew I’d fallen some since I’d slowed down at one point.

“You’re sitting nicely in fifth, and Udo is eleventh.” The corners of my mouth tipped up at him including Udo’s place. He knew I’d want to know but wouldn’t ask.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m not sure right now is the best time to surprise me. I’m barely hanging on by a thread.”

“Cal?” Aspen’s voice called out. Maybe I was too far gone because I had to be imagining her voice in my head. I didn’t want to say anything and have Kaspar think I’d gone crazy.

“I don’t think it’s working, Kaspar,” she said. Her voice sounded defeated. “Is he okay? I haven’t talked to him since I left.”

“No, Miss Aspen, he’s not okay. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have called you. He needs you, and I thought if I held up my phone to the mic, he might be able to hear you, but…I’m not sure what’s going on. He was talking and now—”

“Aspen.” My voice cracked at the reality that it might actually be her and not my imagination.

“I’m here, Cal. Are you doing your breathing?”

“Not right now. I think I stopped breathing altogether when I heard your voice. I’m not doing so great here, Doc,” I confessed. Even as I said the words, my world started to right itself. I wasn’t sure how only hearing her voice could make everything in the world slow down, but it did.

“Can you hear me okay?”

“Yeah, you sound distant, but I don’t care. Your voice is music to my ears.” Emotion clogged my throat, knowing Kaspar called Aspen so I could continue driving.

“You sound like you’re already doing better,” her voice called lightly through the system.

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