Page 38 of Risk

“Not enough. Don’t get off, Doc. Talk to me. Let me hear your sweet voice.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“For starters, why haven’t you answered any of my calls or texts?” I didn’t want to pick a fight with the off chance she might hang up on me, but I needed answers and now might be my only chance at getting them.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” She sounded exasperated. Or it could have been my imagination.

“You’re not a liar. I know that, so tell me why. I’ve got nothing but time in here.”

“How long do you have?”

Was she wondering how long she’d have to be on the line with me in case I freaked out again?

“An hour and twenty minutes. Give or take,” Kaspar chimed in. “I’m sorry to eavesdrop, but I have to hold the phone up.”

“Kaspar, buddy, I don’t care if you’re breathing down the line. You got my woman on the phone, so I didn’t completely lose my shit. It means the world to me.” I took another corner and watched as a car tried to overtake me in my periphery. I wasn’t going to let another motherfucker get ahead of me. Now was my time to start making up ground; now that I was back to myself and had Aspen on the line.

He cleared his throat, and that was all I got. Kaspar was a stoic man, and he’d never let on that what I’d said affected him when I knew it did.

“It was one thing after another that snowballed into a shitstorm.” I wanted to laugh at her choice of words, but I refrained. I would listen to every syllable she spoke for as long as I could. “First, my layover in New York was delayed by a day because of weather. My phone was dead before we left, and my charger was in my suitcase, so I couldn’t charge it up. Somehow my phone broke. I don’t know how it happened, but it wouldn’t turn on.” She let out a frustrated sigh so loud I could hear it. “When I got home almost three days later, my phone still wouldn’t turn on. I spent a day with online customer service with them trying to fix it to no avail. Finally, they told me to take it into the store, which I did, only for them to say it was completely dead and I needed a new phone. You’d think it would be as simple as that, but no, it wasn’t.”

Even though I hated hearing her trouble, I loved listening to her. I wasn’t sure what it was about Aspen that made everything right in my world, but I would be eternally grateful she came into my life and for Kaspar giving me this.

She continued on with all the trouble she’d had and why I hadn’t heard from her. “So, I have insurance on my phone, and they had to send me a new one. I’m sure you’re wondering why then didn’t I answer any of your calls or messages. Because it got lost. Can you believe that shit? Here I am waiting around without any way to contact you, and it gets lost in the ether. When it didn’t come, I went back to the store, and they said I had to wait another forty-eight hours before they could reissue me a new phone. When I finally got the bastard, it wouldn’t charge. It was seriously one thing after the other. But I finally have a new phone that works, and now I’m talking to you.”

“I thought you never wanted to talk to me again when you weren’t responding to all my text messages and calls. I was prepared to fly to Spain once my final race was over and beg you to hear me out.”

“Hmm,” she hummed. “I kind of like the idea of you down on your knees begging me.”

And I liked it when she was down on her knees with my cock in her mouth. The sight of her pretty pink lips becoming swollen as she sucked me off, and it was even better when she took me down her throat. My cock thickened at the visual—like it did anytime I thought of Aspen.

“Why do I feel like you’re holding something back?” I asked as I took a corner and sped up coming out.

“Alejandro showed up at my apartment. I’m not sure how he knew I was in town, but he did.” I heard her take a deep breath. “He… he had a lot of questions about us. Questions he had no right to demand answers to. Our fighting got so loud my neighbor called the police, and they escorted him out of there.”

She was quiet for a few moments.

“Are you okay? Did he lay a hand on you?” I growled out. I would fly to Barcelona the second I got out of my car, find him, and beat the shit out of him if he hurt her.

“No, but it was scary for a moment before the police showed up. Since then, he’s stayed away. Enough about me, how are you? I’ve been so worried about how you’d do racing.” There was a pregnant pause. “Even though I know you can do it without me.”

“I hate to break it to you, Doc, but today proved otherwise. I’m fucked in the head.”

“You aren’t, Cal. You have it in your head that you need to hear my voice when you start to panic and when you knew you couldn’t and were triggered, you didn’t cope. But I know you can. I wish I wasn’t forced to leave, but I wouldn’t change anything. I’m thankful for our time together and always will be.”

Why did it sound like I’d never see her again? Didn’t she hear me when I said I’d fly to Spain and track her down?

“I should have continued to treat you as my patient, and maybe you’d be able to cope better without me there.”

Wanting to change the subject because I did not like the words coming out of her mouth, I said. “I’m sorry to hear you had such a shit time with your phone, but I’m glad that’s the reason you weren’t answering me.”

When I talked to Aspen and drove, my body was on autopilot. It knew everything to do. When to decelerate, when I was about to take a corner and when to punch it as I came out of the corner. It wasn’t easy, and yet it was. It made no sense when normally I needed every ounce of my concentration.

There was a long pause where I could hear Kaspar breathing down the line. He sounded like a creeper, but it was funny. I never would have thought that my life would come down to having to hear a woman’s voice so I could continue on. Maybe it was a metaphor for my life because since she’d left, I’d barely lived.

“What have you been up to? What sights did you see? I’ve never been to Brazil.”

“I’ve been a sad sack of shit. All I’ve done is lay around my hotel room and do nothing. Next season you can come with me, and we’ll see all the amazing things Brazil and Sao Paulo have to offer.”

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