Page 76 of Affinity

“But, you’ve forgiven him?” Holden’s rough voice came from my left. They’d surrounded me.

“There was nothing for me to forgive, but I understand why Alex is upset.” He came to stand off to my left beside Holden. “She begged for him to tell her what was going on. She would have understood if you’d told her man.”

“And she would have been disappointed.” With my forearms on my thighs, I hung my head and dug my fingers into my hair. “I never wanted anyone to find out. I can promise I willneverdo drugs again, but it’s not enough. The worst part is I’m not sure how I’m ever going to get them to forgive or trust me again.”

“That’s a tricky one.” Jax shook his head with no real answer.

“I was dying to drink until I passed out and keep doing it until they were ready to talk to me, but I knew I couldn’t with Abbi’s brother around. He already hated me enough as it was.”

Holden shifted, looking straight at me instead of the fireworks. “Maybe you need to get vulnerable with them. Explain to them the way they’re pushing you out of their lives is causing you to want to drink. If they care, which they obviously do since they feel betrayed, they’ll respond, and then you can talk it out.”

The man had a good plan.

“Trust me, when I was injured, all Gabi wanted was for me to talk to her and tell her how I felt. If you can do that, I think it will be a big step in the right direction.”

“How is that even going to happen when they won’t talk to me?” Looking over, I saw all the girls watching us. The second they were caught, everyone but Abbi turned back to the firework show going on. She stared at me for another beat until Paul wrapped an arm around her shoulders, then she looked away.

“I’ll talk to Alex.” Luke stood as if he was going to do it that very moment.

“Sit down, man, or better yet, all of you go sit by your women. I don’t want to ruin the show for them. I’m not going to run off and get drunk while everyone is enjoying the night. I promise I don’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol, but I’ve also pledged to myself that I won’t use them to deal with my issues either.”

“Smart man.” Holden clapped me on the back. “I’m going to takeyouradvice and go be with my woman.”

“See ya.” I saluted him.

“Are you sure you want to be alone?” Luke asked, his mouth in a thin line.

“I’m sure. Enjoy the night with your family.”

“Once everyone disperses, I’m going to tell her.” He gave me a pointed look, one that said I better be ready or there was going to be hell to pay. I was sure it wasn’t easy for him to stay neutral when his wife was upset with me. I appreciated it more than he’d ever know. It would have been a rough day if everyone had been pissed at me and making me feel like a pariah.

Giving him a thumbs up, I sat back in my chair and looked up into the night. Colton Patrick had gone all out. This had to have been one of the nicest shows I’d seen on the Fourth of July. Not that I’d seen many, but no matter how down I was feeling, I couldn’t help but enjoy watching color after color bloom across the night sky. The feel of the boom through my seat as each firework launched into the air and waiting to see what it produced was exhilarating.

After five minutes of nonstop explosions, it was over. The sky was heavy with smoke, and the night was filled with excited voices talking about their favorite firework.

Not feeling sociable, I left the front yard and headed to the back. Slipping off my shoes and socks, I sat on the edge of the pool and let my legs hang in the water as I looked out into the backyard. The trees were filled with lights that I knew Alex had hung herself and loved looking out at. The air was fragrant with flowers even over the smoke in the air. It was beautiful here with nothing to see but rolling hills and trees, even just their shadows in the dark. Still, I liked my view at home better. I loved looking out onto the city and seeing its lights twinkle at night.

“What are you doing back here all by yourself?” Abbi said from somewhere behind me.

Without looking over my shoulder at her, I moved my feet through the warm water. I wanted to jump up and go to her since I knew how difficult it was for her to get around on her crutches, but I stayed in place. “Enjoying nature. Why are you back here and not with everyone else?”

“They all went inside,” she said as she moved closer.

Jumping up, I helped her over to one of the chairs and then moved back to my spot. “And Luke talked to Alex?”

“He did. I thought it would be best if I approached you first.”

My hackles rose at her comment. Did she even want to be here, or was she here out of a sense of obligation? “I’m not some wild dog that will attack if provoked.”

“Of course, you’re not, Jenner. I misspoke.” I heard her curse under her breath even with the few feet separating us. “Approach was not the right word; more like I wanted to be the first to talk to you even though you’ve known Alex longer. I feel I have a right since we were sharing a bed.”

Pulling my legs out of the water, I turned to look at my wife, possibly my soon-to-be second ex-wife. “Past tense? Are you through with me? For something that happened before I ever knew you?”

Her face was shrouded in sadness. “I didn’t come back here to fight with you. I wanted to make sure you’re okay. Luke said that you confessed to him that you felt like drinking.”

Throwing my hands up in the air, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Of course, I feel like drinking. I want to do something to make the time more bearable since I’ve been ostracized on my own vacation.”

“Jenner,” she said my name so sadly and quietly that my heart stopped beating for a split second, “I never wanted you to feel that way. All I wanted was some time to wrap my head around what I learned.”

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