Page 31 of Away Game

Pulling my bottom lip between his teeth, West bit hard, making my dick jerk behind my sleep pants. He let out a husky chuckle before he smoothed his tongue over the area and swept back inside.

I welcomed him with verve.

I was on overload from having West so close to me. My blood boiled with raw desire and anger. Our touch was rough and greedy, and so unlike anything I’d experienced before with a woman.Thiswas what I’d been missing. I was drowning with each moment our bodies were connected, and loving every second of it.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this was what could fill the giant gaping hole in my cold, dark chest. Too bad I couldn’t give myself what I needed.

Just as I was about to release, I pushed him away and held my hands up in surrender while my lips throbbed with the need to have West back. “I can’t.”

“Why?” His voice cracked. “Is it because I’m black?”

My eyes shot to his, and my brow furrowed. “What? No, of course not. Your skin is…” I looked down at my bare feet. I couldn’t tell him how I loved the color of his skin or his beautiful green eyes. “Is it because I’m poor, then?” I shook my head. He didn’t understand how perfect he was. West was strong, brave, the kindest damn person I’d ever met, and one of the best wide receivers I’d ever seen play college football. He was the total package. Something I desperately wanted but knew I couldn’t have, which made every encounter with him torture. The pull I felt toward him drove me crazy. I’d given in for a moment, and it was pure bliss. Now I’d forever be left in the shadows.

“Then why? Because what that kiss told me is you want me just as badly as I want you.”

From the moment I learned West was gay, I couldn’t get over how brave he was to be open in our town, which was so unforgiving about anything deemed weak, and how stupid I was. How had I missed it until Lo and Dani mentioned it? Was I blinded because of my anger at my attraction to him? I saw the way he watched Candy suck me off. That should have been my first clue, but I was so fucking clueless.

Still, I couldn’t look him in the face as I spoke. “I’m not strong like you.”

The sad laugh that escaped him made my stomach sink. “You are probably one of the strongest people I know.”

Lifting my head, I narrowed my eyes at him. This man before me knew nothing about my life. Nothing. “That’s the thing. You don’t know me.”

“And whose fault is that?” He shot back. “If you’d try to hate me a little less and worked a little more at—”

“Don’t,” I interrupted him. There was no way I could hear what he was about to say. If I did, I might give in.

West took a step toward me but stopped when I held my hand up. If he came any closer, we’d be right back in each other’s arms in a heartbeat.

“I don’t know what you’re so scared of.”

“Losing everything. Isn’t that enough?”

His face softened at my words as if he understood, but there was no way he could. “What’s everything? You can talk to me, Fin. I promise I won’t tell anyone. I’d never do that to a soul.”

“I think you should leave. You shouldn’t have come in here. Tonight, tomorrow, the next day, or soon after, you’re going to regret this.” Especially when he remembered he had a boyfriend.

“The only thing I’m going to regret is leaving without fully understanding what’s going on in your head.”

“Well then, you’re going to be left with a lot of regrets because you’ll never understand when I sure as hell don’t.”

Seeming to understand that I needed my space, West moved until he was leaning against the wall by the door. “Have you talked to anyone about it? Oz, maybe?”

“And lose the one friend I have? No, thank you.” I squeezed my eyes closed, unable to believe I’d let those words go.

I could hear West sigh. “You underestimate your friend.”

“Do you think I’ll magically change once I have a little powwow about my feelings? I hate to inform you, but you’re wrong. The man you see before you is who I am, and nothing is going to change that.”

West’s eyes slowly trailed down my body and back up again, and then he shook his head. “I think you’re wrong. If you weren’t constantly fighting who you really are, you’d be a much happier person.”

“Again, you don’t know me.”

“You’re right, I don’t, and I probably never will, but it won’t be because I didn’t try. No, that’s on you. Only you can ruin your life.”

He was wrong. So wrong. Weston Jackson didn’t know how easily he could ruin me, and I was never going to let him know.

16

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