Page 49 of Away Game

“Yeah, for a while there, I regularly got drunk, so I could perform my husbandly duties. What was expected of me.” He hung his head. “I’m not proud of that. If Kenzie had known, or hell if I’d known, I’d never be able to love her, we never would have gotten married. Eventually, we got divorced, but I still couldn’t be who I wanted to be living where I was.”

“What changed for you?” I couldn’t see how anything in my life would change to make me tell the world how I felt about West. My parents would finally disown me, and what would Oz and the rest of my semi-friends think of me?

“My ten-year high school reunion. Archer came back, and damn if he didn’t look better than ever. He spent a few days with me, showing me what I was missing, but it was Kenzie who suggested I move here to be with Archer. She and the kids moved here as well. We’re one big, dysfunctional, but happy family. Archer and I even adopted a little boy that looks just like him.”

Pulling out his phone, Coach showed me a picture of him with a tall, good looking black man that resembled Taye Diggs, two blond children, one boy and one little girl, and then a little dark-skinned boy. It was a nice family, and it made me realize if I wanted that someday in the distant future, I could have it.

“That’s my family, and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier.” He tucked his phone back into his pocket. “I want that for you as well.”

I was a long way away from having a family. If ever.

“Besides what happened with West, Willow Bay is very accepting. While I don’t shout from the rooftops, I’m gay, I have no problem holding hands with my boyfriend while out in public. The entire staff here knows, and I’ve never gotten any indication anyone holds any ill will toward me.”

“I’ve been with girls,” I rushed out as if saying those words exonerated me from my feelings for West.

“Okay, so you’re bi.”

I recoiled at the word.

“Are you attracted to men?” he asked gently.

It was hard for me to admit, but I did. “I’m attracted to West.”

“Okay, that’s a good step. Are you attracted to women?”

I hesitated to answer.

Laying a hand on my arm, Coach tried to get me to open up. “I promise whatever you say to me is in confidence. I won’t tell West or anyone else.”

He didn’t know I didn’t want to answer because of how horrible it made me sound. “Do I want to do sexual acts with them? No, but I have and can, so no one will know the truth.”

“What do you think will happen if the people in your life know you’re gay?” It was such a simple question, but the consequences were anything but.

“My family will disown me,” I stated with a voice that sounded dead even to my own ears. “My friends will probably want nothing to do with me.”

“Why do you say that?” Coach asked with genuine curiosity.

“They won’t accept me, and they’ll think I want to suck their cocks.”

Coach choked out a strangled laugh and then held his hands up. “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate, but I can’t fault you when I felt the same way at your age. While some people who are uneducated or bigoted might think that way, I can assure you most do not. I don’t think you find me attractive, and I know I’m a good-looking man.”

A shot of laughter escaped from me. “Good one, Coach.”

“I think your friends want you to be happy, and if liking guys or just West is what makes you happy, they’ll be fine with your choice. Do they like West or treat him any different?”

“Not that I know of. Sometimes I think they like him more than me. How can I be with him when I’ve been nothing but horrible to him?” I couldn’t believe I’d asked that of my coach.

“The only one who can answer that is West. It’s up to him if he can forgive you for the way you’ve treated him. Can I ask you something?”

Now he was asking? My only response was to shrug. I was feeling too raw in the moment to speak.

“Why do you treat West badly if you like him?”

I let out a bitter laugh. Wasn’t it obvious? “Because I don’t like the way he makes me feel. I don’t like what the consequences would be if I let myself be with him.”

“I understand that, but are you willing to live an unhappy life?”

That was the question, wasn’t it?

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