Page 51 of Away Game

“Yeah, let me rinse this, and we’re out.” As I rinsed my protein shake bottle, I wondered why Fin was acting strange around me now. Was it because I had him talk to Coach? Did it not go well, and he was angry at me for making him?

“Do you want me to drive your SUV again?” I asked, twirling the keys around my finger.

“That’s fine,” he said without looking at me.

Maybe Fin needed time. Hell, I didn’t know, but I couldn’t waste my energy on him then. I needed to get in the zone, or we’d have a shitty game. Especially with him gone.

As I was pulling into the football stadium’s parking lot, Fin spoke, shocking the shit out of me. “How can you want to be with me when I’ve treated you like shit for so long?”

Was he feeling guilty?

I wasn’t sure how to answer or if I could, so I waited until I found a parking spot and turned off his car before I turned to him. “While I can’t fully understand why you’re ashamed of your attraction to me, I understand why you acted the way you have. That’s not to say I’ve liked it because that would be a lie. What I can say is if you want to be with me, then I won’t accept that kind of treatment in the future.”

Fin turned to look out his window. I could see his eyes were trained far off in the distance when he spoke. “If I wanted to do this with you, I’m going to mess up. I’ve never been with anyone. It’s ingrained in me to fight back when I feel cornered.”

“I don’t want you to feel cornered, Fin,” I sighed. “It’s up to you how you want to live your life and if you want me in it. Yes, I want to give you, I mean, us a chance, but only if you’re ready. Until you’re ready, I think we should keep our space.”

“I’m not going to say I’m sorry,” he bit out.

“I don’t expect you to, but you can’t expect me to let you treat me like shit either.”

“I don’t want that for you, but I’m not sure I’m ready to share my secret with the world yet.”

I could understand that. Fin was only now coming to terms with whom he was, but I also couldn’t be kept in the closet forever either. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready.

“Tonight, when everyone is back at the house, I want to try and talk to Oz.”

I was shocked he wanted to talk to him so soon, but I didn’t express that to him. Instead, I remained silent to see what else he’d say.

“Right now, I can only take these baby steps. In one instance, I feel like my entire world is falling apart, and in the next light, it’s like I can finally breathe and then back again.”

I wanted to reassure Fin, but I knew I couldn’t. It would take time for him to accept my praise, but this was a big step. I could have been wrong, but after his talk with Coach, I had a feeling Fin wanted to make sure the people he cared about most would support him. Why come out to his friend if I was going to turn him down? If Oz reacted badly to the news, I had a feeling Fin would be stuck firmly in the closet for a long time to come.

Turning to look over at me, he said. “Right now, I can’t give you more.”

Little did Fin realize he was giving me more than I ever thought possible with him.

22

Fin

My heart was beatingout of my chest as I watched West slide out of the Rover. He gave me a shy smile when he caught me staring at him.

“Are you coming?” he asked as he slung his duffle over his shoulder.

“I think I’m going to sit here for a little bit. I’ll be in before you hit the field.”

“Sure.” He looked down at his feet and then back up at me. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you need time…” He shrugged. “I’m trying to understand, Fin, but it’s hard when I’ve always accepted being gay.”

Shifting my gaze, I looked over his shoulder as I spoke. “I need to do it. If I wait…” I might chicken out, which made me such a pussy. “I think I needed the push from you. Realistically I know my parents are never going to accept me if I like you or the president’s daughter. Most of the time, I wonder why they even bothered to have me if they didn’t want kids. Hell, I would have been better off if they hired a nanny to take care of me instead of ignoring me and having my father tell me how disappointed he is in me, my whole life.”

When West’s face fell, and he looked up at me with glassy eyes, I wished I could have taken back my words. What I’d been through didn’t justify why I was an asshole to West or why I couldn’t accept this part of myself.

“You telling me that explains a lot. Even if we never become anything more than friends, I want you to know that you can always talk to me. My door is always open.”

“Go break a leg,” I dismissed him. I couldn’t do this then.

West gave me a sad smile that made me feel even worse but walked away. I hated how West brought so many emotions to the surface. It was easier living in denial.

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