Page 57 of Away Game

“Then why haven’t you fucked me?” I hated the words the minute they came out of my mouth. Showing weakness to the old Fin wasn’t a good idea, and I wasn’t sure if I should let down my guard until he let his crumble at my feet.

“Well, it was because you were three hours away, but now it’s because you’re pissed off at me. Why haven’t you tried to fuck me?”

Sometimes Fin made matters so easy it astounded me. When I was afraid to speak certain words to him, he didn’t act like the guy who was afraid to let anyone know he liked me in a more than platonic way. “I didn’t think you were ready. I wasn’t sure you’d ever want that.”

“Doesn’t that seem kind of one-sided, or is that what you want? Do you always want to be the bottom? Is that how it works?” He spoke rapidly as if he had to get it all out now or never.

I wanted to laugh, but I thought that probably wasn’t the best move. Not tonight with tensions high. “I’m all for equal opportunity sex with you, but I wasn’t sure if that was something you were comfortable doing.”

“I’m willing to try to find out,” he said so innocently, hanging his head. “I even got tested and got my results back. I was going to show you once you got back.”

“I like the sound of that.

And here I thought we were breaking up.

“If you wanted to be my boyfriend, you could have said something,” he said shyly, ducking his head so I couldn’t see his eyes.

“I thought you might go running for the hills,” I answered honestly. There were times I felt like I was walking on a tightrope with what I could and couldn’t say in fear that he’d retreat to his old self.

“And here I thought I was doing good. That you know how much I like you—because I do like you West. A whole hell of a lot. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. You made me accept myself for who I really am, even when I didn’t want to.”

“I can’t believe I want the fuck boy who tormented me to be my boyfriend, but I do. I want to know we’re exclusive,” I admitted.

“I thought we already were. I know I haven’t been hooking up with anyone else. That night at the diner when you saw Candy blowing me was the last time I was with anyone but you. What about you?”

“Long before the night of the diner. Maybe we should watch some porn together and see what interests you. Have you ever watched two guys having sex?”

Fin shook his head and took a step closer. “When I’m with you, I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me or that I should be ashamed for liking you or the things I do to you or let you do to me.”

Even though his words stung, I understood where Fin was coming from. When we were together, he was always enthusiastic about touching and pleasuring me. Especially after he got to remove his sling.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to keep my words calm. “I hope you’ll eventually be able to feel that way all the time.”

“Shit,” he grunted out, his hands balling into fists. “It’s not like whenever I’m not with you, I feel wrong. I’m not going to lie though, there are times when I feel like what I feel for you is wrong, but it’s not often. Not anymore. What I meant was you make me feel good as a whole. I forget everything when you’re near, and that feels amazing. If, no, when my dad finds out, I know I’ll be fine because of you. Thanks, I guess.” The way he said the last was shy, and so unlike him, it made me want to pull him into my arms and hug him.

“You guess?” I laughed. Only Fin could run me through the gamut of emotions in one conversation.

“No, I know, but I’m not as articulate as you are. What I’m one hundred percent positive about is I’m a better person on the inside, and you’re the reason why.”

Damn, now he was about to make me cry, and I didn’t cry. Ever.

“That makes your comment earlier worth it.” Fuck, how I was falling for this man. My used-to-be-bully, and now the holder of my heart. It wasn’t until he said those words earlier that I realized how invested I was in him. In us, and to think I wasn’t as important to him as he was to me was the worst feeling in the world.

“Do you have to work in the morning?” he asked, looking up at me with his lips tipped up slightly.

“Bright and early,” I groaned, planting my feet firmly on the ground to stop the swing from rocking.

“I guess I should let you go so you can get some sleep, but I couldn’t go to bed without talking and seeing you.”

I fell a little bit deeper from his words. “I’m glad you came. Are you going to stay at Oz’s tonight?”

“Yeah, I told him I was coming, and he offered again. I wasn’t sure I’d be welcome here.”

“You’re always welcome here, but it’s not the comfort you’re used to.”

I wasn’t embarrassed by my childhood home, but I also didn’t want Fin to treat me differently once he saw it.

“When are you going back to Willow Bay?” I asked, changing the subject.

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