Page 71 of The Bosun

“Goodbye, Stella. I wish I could have been what you needed.” Before she could speak or try to talk me out of what I’d done, I left.

The taxi was waiting for me. I didn’t want to go back to the station, but I had nowhere to go. I was alone again. As soon as my time in California was up, I’d go back to my father, who I knew once again would be disappointed in my choice to cut Stella out of my life.

Instead of going inside, I sat out on a bench by the volleyball court and looked up at the stars. It had been months since I’d done that when before it was a nightly occurrence.

I missed the tranquility of it.

As the moon started to head for the horizon, I picked myself up and went inside. What was done was done, and I had to live with it. Even if Stella was the best thing to ever happen to me.

19

Stella

“What do you mean,he broke up with you? I wasn’t gone long enough for him to come into your life and walk right back out. I didn’t even get to meet the jackass,” Lexie growled out as she brushed my matted hair away from my face, reminding me of the time when Remy had done the exact same thing. A new round of tears started.

“Just what I told you,” I cried. “He had a nightmare one night, and after that, he wasn’t the same. The next time I saw him, he ended it. Something about darkness and light.” I hung my head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

I’d run over everything in my head at least a million times since he walked out the door that night over a week ago. I’d tried to text him, but he never responded. Eventually, the messages never even said delivered. I wasn’t sure if he turned off his phone or changed his number to avoid me. Either way, I knew then it was over, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. If you had told me how bad it was, I would have come back sooner.”

Wrapping my arms around my middle, I tried to hold in the aching pain that was permanently etched into my heart. “I couldn’t ask you to skip out on a job because I got my feelings hurt.”

“They’re more than a little hurt, Stella. You’re a wreck.” She scooted closer to me on the couch and wrapped an arm around me. “You could have a least called me. I swear you’ve lost ten pounds while I’ve been gone, and you look like you haven’t slept.” Probably because both were true. Food was unappealing, and sleep rarely found me. When I did sleep, I dreamt of Remy walking out on me over and over again. Reliving it every time my eyes closed had me consuming copious amounts of coffee each day.

“Have you talked to Pen yet?” she asked quietly.

“No,” my chin wobbled, and I knew I was close to losing it again. When I woke up the next day after crying myself to sleep, I knew I couldn’t stay at Pen’s place any longer, so I packed everything back in my car and drove home. The worst of the danger was over, and all I wanted to do was be somewhere I wouldn’t see Remy everywhere I looked. Once I got home, I fell onto my couch and had been there ever since. It felt like I hadn’t stopped crying since.

“What are you waiting for?”

“I don’t want her to leave the tour so she can come and pick up the pieces of my life once again. Pen deserves to be happy, and she’s finally found it.”

Resting her head to mine, Lexie spoke softly. “She is happy, but she’d still want to know. She’s your best friend. How would you feel if Pen and Walker broke up and she didn’t tell you?”

“I’d be pissed, but this is different. Remy and I were barely together.” My eyes filled with tears, and I tried to rein in my emotions. “It shouldn’t hurt this much.”

“I know, honey, but it will be okay. Maybe Remy was only put in your life to help you move on, and there’s someone else out there who you’re meant to be with.”

I knew her words were only meant to help, but they didn’t. They stung worse than any other thoughts I’d had since the breakup. I wasn’t sure if I could put myself out there again for another man to trample on my heart.

“Why don’t I draw you up a hot bath and maybe make you some tea? I think that’ll make you feel better.”

She was probably right. A nice shower or bath always made things better. Even if it was only a small amount, it would be better than nothing.

“That would be nice. Thank you for coming over here to check in on me. I know I can’t mope around and cry forever.”

She stood and helped me up before guiding me to my bathroom. “It’s okay to be sad. You saw something in him that spoke to your heart.”

“What if I never find someone? Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? Maybe I should get a cat and start hoarding them now.”

Lexie turned on the water and tested it before adding some oils to it and looked to me. “I can’t say when you’ll find your someone, but he’s out there. I know he is. He has to be because you deserve to be loved.”

I wanted to believe her, but it was hard when I couldn’t understand why Remy had ended things.

Stepping to me, Lexie took me in her arms and gave me a big hug. “Get in the water, and I’ll bring you your tea when it’s ready, okay?”

All I could do was nod and hug her back. Once I was alone in the bathroom, I stood in front of the mirror and took in my disheveled state. I was a mess with my hair all tangled, looking like a bird had started a nest in it. My eyes were red-rimmed with dark circles underneath them, and my skin was pale.

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