Page 88 of Faded Rhythm

“I was gonna marry her.”

“You were engaged?” I swallow hard. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Not exactly,” he says. “I met up with her a few times. I agreed to bring her and her kids back, just…I was on some Superman bullshit, I guess. I’d watched that village for a while, and I saw how much danger they were in.” He blows out a sigh. “I feel stupid as fuck.”

“Why?”

He shakes his head. “AJ was the only one from my squadron who knew. He kept warning me not to get caught up. And I didn’t fuckin’ listen. I let myself get compromised.”

“What was her name?”

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t even like saying it. I still feel guilty for getting her killed.”

“How didyouget her killed? It was a war, Julian.”

“She might not have been there that night if she didn’t know I was coming. I don’t…” he trails off. “I don’t know. It’s my fault.”

He blows out another breath, shaking his head. “Fuck.”

“What was her name?”

“Damsa.” He pushes it out like it’s his last breath. “She had three kids. Two boys and a girl. They all died, too.”

“Jesus.”

He shrugs like he’s trying to shake off the pain.

“I wish you had told me,” I say. “You can share anything with me.”

He brings his eyes back to mine. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Okay.” He lifts my hand, pressing his lips to the back of it. “When I was little, I tried to picture my mother’s face. I wondered if I had her eyes. Her nose. If our laugh was the same.”

I nod.

“And weirdly, I imagined that she had a pretty voice. I would close my eyes at night and imagine her singing me a lullaby.”

“Julian.”

“So when you told me you wanted to sing, it made me wonder.”

I smile.

“Do you really sing?”

“Not anymore.” I lace my fingers through his. “Only when I think nobody’s listening.”

He gives me a sad smile. “Pretend I’m not listening.”

I hesitate. Clear my throat. “Why am I nervous?”

“Don’t be,” he says.

“Okay…but you can’t look at me. Close your eyes.”

He does.

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