Page 65 of Dominion

“Everything?” My eyes widened, confusion lacing my words. “Ash,” I admonished. “How much food did you two order?”

A sheepish look washed over his face as he stood up, pulling me along with him. He tightened the blanket around his shoulders, making himself look like a little burrito again andstarted dragging me toward the cabin. “A lot,” he finally said along the way. “We have ordered a lot. I’m pretty sure that this will be our lunch and dinner. We just…” He shrugged. “We couldn’t decide.”

I knew something about not being able to decide. After all, I couldn’t and didn’t want to decide between the two of them. Each of them had different pieces of my heart and it simply wouldn’t be complete without the other. Where Ash’s strength empowered me to be a better person, to push through this mess, Dylan’s broken soul called out to my own and I could be as soft as he needed me to be.

So I could understand not being able to order only one simple type of food.

My eyes connected with Dylan’s as we came closer to the glass sliding door, his eyes holding the pain he was trying so hard to hide. But in the moments when he thought that no one would notice, he showed it to us. He didn’t talk about the things that were bothering him and it was okay. We could be patient. We could wait.

But there was something weird in the way he stood there, his eyes focused on our hands tightly held together as Ash and I walked toward the cabin. I hated that he wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him. I hated that I couldn’t read him.

But most of all, I hated the brilliant fake smile he showered us with the moment he realized that we could see him, opening the doors for us. He covered his pain with yet another mask made solely for Ash and me, and I couldn’t help but wonder how long he would be able to do that? How long until he breaks apart and does something crazy?

How long until we lose him to the dark abyss he was stuck in once before?

“I thought you guys were about to leave me with all this food,” Dylan said the moment we stepped inside, grinning fromear to ear. I hated that fake smile. I hated everything about this, but I didn’t want to push him. “Come on.” He walked ahead of us, toward the little dining area connected to a kitchen.

Plates with burgers were already set-up on the table, along with bowls of salad and fried calamari. A bottle of white wine stood in the very middle of the table, along with cans of Coca-Cola next to our plates.

“I remembered how much you love having Coke with your burger,” Dylan murmured, pulling a smile from me. “We also have Tiramisu in the fridge, and if we need more wine, we can order it.”

Tears threatened to erupt at the mere scene in front of me, but I swallowed down the emotions that shouldn’t have a seat at this table. I moved away from Ash and took my seat at the table. Ash shrugged off the blanket from his shoulders and joined me at the head of the table, while Dylan still stood there, looking at us.

I couldn’t recognize the emotion in his eyes, but maybe I should’ve. I should’ve pushed, I should have asked him if he was okay. I should have done so many things differently when it came to this man, but I didn’t. And it would always haunt me. It would always be my biggest regret, that I couldn’t see his pain as well as he could see mine.

“Aren’t you joining us?” I asked, wrapping my fingers around the massive burger sitting in front of me, salivating at the sight. “The food smells delicious.”

“I know,” he murmured, smiling softly, before he took a seat opposite of me. “Everything looks really good.” But as he said that, he didn’t look at the food. His eyes traveled from me to Ash, constantly changing their destination. I bit into my burger, savoring the burst of flavors on my tongue, when Dylan spoke again.

“I know that maybe now isn’t the time, but I just wanted to thank you.”

The blood in my veins froze, not from the words but the way he said it. It sounded like a fucking goodbye and I hated the sad smile on his face as if this would be the first and the last time for the three of us to sit like this and have dinner. As if he had anything to thank us for.

“What for?” Ash asked, looking at him skeptically. I was thankful it was him who spoke out because I couldn’t trust myself right now. I couldn’t trust that I wouldn’t start crying, since all the emotions coursing through my veins were clogging my throat, making it so much harder to breathe. “For dinner?” Ash asked again, looking straight at Dylan who was staring down at his plate.

His shoulders dropped, his blond hair unruly on top of his head and he hid his face from us, simply looking at the untouched burger in front of him.

“Dylan?” I finally croaked, unable to keep the emotions at bay. “Why are you thanking us?”

I needed to know, dammit. I needed to know what was happening in his head. I wished I had the ability to see into his mind, now more than ever.

“Dylan, ple?—”

“I don’t know, guys,” he answered finally, gracing us with a brilliant smile that unfortunately didn’t reach his eyes. “I just felt like I wanted to thank you for accepting me for who I am and not once thinking of excluding me from all your plans.” Oh, Dylan. “I-I know,” he stammered. “I know I might not be everyone’s first choice, but I’m happy to be here.”

My eyes misted, my limbs turning cold from hearing the pain still evident in his voice.

“For so long, it felt like I was swimming through these muddy waters, but with you…” He looked at me first and then at Ash.“With you, it feels as if I have finally reached a crystal-clear ocean, taking my first proper breath and holding my head above the water.”

I couldn’t help it. I tried. I tried to keep myself in check. I tried to keep the tears away because we’ve had enough misery to last us a lifetime, and I knew neither one of them would know what to do with my tears. But as if someone had opened the dam that was holding everything back, the flood rushed out and I couldn’t control it anymore.

His words. The broken look in his eyes. The sadness that still engulfed him and that would most probably follow him for the rest of his life, it was all my heart needed to completely break apart. But also to heal. To start accepting the fate we were given. To start accepting that we weren’t cursed. I wasn’t cursed.

I was just a child who didn’t know better. I was just another individual who grew up in the wrong place, not because it was simply my destiny, but because those stronger than me thought this was what my life was supposed to be.

“Moonshine.” Ash’s voice traveled through my muddy thoughts, breaking through the barriers. It took me a second to realize I wasn’t at the table anymore, but in his lap, with Dylan right by our side. My entire body shook, my voice breaking every time I tried to speak. Just one little look at them had me falling into tears again. “It’s okay. It’s alright,” Ash crooned, stroking my hair softly and pressing his cheek to mine. “You’re okay, baby. We’re here. We will always be here.”

My eyes sought out Dylan, our pain clashing together, creating a tempest in our veins, just how it always did, and I held onto the hope that everything would be okay. I held onto the belief that once all of this was done, there would be the three of us, holding each other and looking at our past as something that should be remembered, but not as something that needs to be lived over and over again.

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