Page 67 of Dominion

“He said that he couldn’t love us the way we deserved, but I know he’s lying, Ash. I fucking know it.”

“I know, baby.”

“Then why did he do this?” Her voice was raspy from crying, fragility bleeding into every word, and I hated Dylan a little for breaking us like this. “Why didn’t he stay? Why did he have to leave like this?”

“I don’t know, Moonshine. I don’t know.”

Silence fell over us, wrapping its long arms around our bodies, and neither one of us spoke another word. Maybe it was the shock or simply the anger at the situation, but it felt as ifhours had passed as we held on to each other, sitting on the cold floor, both lost in our own worlds.

Her sniffs and sobs died out slowly, her body calming down, but I knew when she looked up at me that there was no medicine and there was no time that could heal her heart. I tried hiding my thoughts, my pain, my anger, but it was futile.

This girl knew me better than I knew myself. She knew every dark corner of my soul, and when she placed her hands on my face, her eyes round, bloodshot, and sad, I fell apart for the first time.

Dylan was gone.

Just. Fucking. Gone.

“Why didn’t he have enough courage to tell us he was leaving to our faces?” I belted out, unable to hold it in anymore. I didn’t want to hold it in. I didn’t know what to do with all these emotions, all these feelings, regrets, sadness, and pain.

We stumbled on our dreams, turning them into nightmares with no end. Everything I wanted, everything I planned, every single dream of mine had turned into a nightmare in just one night, and there was only one person to blame. Maybe there was a reason for this insanity of his, but I couldn’t forgive it. I would never be able to forgive him for the tears in her eyes and the pain in my chest.

I imagined that there was a reason behind his actions, written on that fucking piece of paper she held close to her chest, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t care about the person who would deliberately choose the devil over the people who loved him. Perhaps it was because I was living with another kind of devil for such a long time and I knew what it was like finally being free from those chains.

Why the fuck would he go back to that? Why would he choose that life over us?

“Ash, baby. Hey.” Skylar’s voice penetrated through the thick fog engulfing my mind, but even her kindness wasn’t enough to extinguish the fire licking my insides.

I was furious.

I was hurt.

I was... I had no words that could explain the shattering of my very soul in this moment, and I didn’t want to try. I knew that the English language was not big enough to put into words the devastation of the soul. It didn’t have the capacity to explain what was happening at this very moment.

I could say that my chest felt as if a gaping wound existed where my heart used to be, but that wouldn’t be enough to describe the feeling of nausea in my stomach and the irrevocable loss in my veins. I could say that my eyes filled with thousands of tears I was trying to hold back, but I couldn’t put into strong enough words the burning in my gut or the trembling of my chin while I held Skylar.

There were no words, no explanations. There was nothing I could say or do to change this predicament we were in, and it fucked with my mind even more, because I was a man of action. I was the one with the plan. I was that one person who would just jump and do things, no matter how crazy they sounded. I was the one who would’ve said that we had to go after him, that we had to find him and show him where he truly belonged, but I was tired of begging people to love me when they obviously didn’t want to.

I was tired of constantly trying to change the course of my life, fighting against the current, against all odds, because it was never enough. No matter what I did, nothing was ever enough.

I couldn’t remember the moments of happiness we all shared. It was as if Dylan managed to erase all the good things that had happened between us with one simple letter, making itseem like it was the easiest decision of his life to leave us. And he left just when things were starting to get better.

He left when we needed him the most.

“I don’t understand,” Skylar murmured, her voice soft, washed by the tears. “Why?”

I could’ve told her that we would always have a million questions but not one single answer, because the person who was supposed to answer them wasn’t here with us. He chose the other side. He chose to go back to the one person who brought us so much heartache.

He chose to abandon the people who loved him, the place where he was safe, to go back.

“What did he write in that note?” I asked suddenly, needing to know. My hands turned into fists at Skylar’s back, trying to keep my anger at bay.

Dangerous was the person who mixed pain and anger. Dangerous were those actions that came after the heartache, and I knew without a doubt, that I was a menace for everyone right now.

Skylar sat taller, straightening her back while still sitting in my lap, and opened up the crumpled letter in her hands. Her throat worked as she braced herself to read the words she had probably read over a hundred times by now, but I needed to hear it. We both needed to hear it one more time.

“Dear Skylar and Ash,” she started, her voice breaking at the last word, at my fucking name. “I wish I had more courage and more strength to do this in a different way.” That motherfucking bastard. “But I don’t.” Her tears fell freely down her face, on top of my fingers that were on her soft cheeks, my hate for Dylan increasing with each new word she said and each new tear that fell. “Some people were born to be heroes,” she whispered. “Other ones were born to be monsters, and I don’t have to explain which category I fall into. You two gave me peace whenI needed it the most, and I will forever cherish those moments spent together. I will keep the memory of you in the deepest, darkest part of my heart, because I know that others will never be able to see you there. I know that you will forever be safe there, far away from the eyes of others. I know you will hate me. I know you will try to find a way to bring me back, but I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to spend the precious time you have on me. I’m not worth it. I will never be worthy, and that’s okay. I can accept my fate now, and I want you to accept it too. I am going back to Winworth, to my father.” She broke down when she read that last sentence, her forehead falling onto my chest and her body shaking from the wreckage he was leaving behind.

My fingers wrapped around that fucking piece of paper in her hands and pulled it out, putting it right in front of my eyes.

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