Page 70 of Dominion

I thought I was finally seeing the sun after years of rain and gloomy clouds. I thought I was stronger than my mind, but I was wrong. So fucking wrong.

And he had to suffer with me. Ash had to live through this misery with me. I never wanted this. I never wanted him to have to take care of me. I wanted us to be equal, to be strong together, to have Dylan, to live, to love, to escape this miserable existence.

But just like with everything else so far, my mind failed, and my own expectations screwed me over. Instead of being out there, fighting against the real villains, against the real monsters, I was curled in the bed with the man who showed me what love was every single day, fighting against the monsters inside my head.

I wasn’t sure that this would be the battle I’d be able to win. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to continue fighting this war.

I wasn’t sure that I wanted to spend another day struggling to breathe, struggling to eat, struggling to just exist. If this was my reality, then what was the point in being here?

“No.” Ash shook me, suddenly turning me around. His eyes were wild. His pupils wide. The tremble in his chin was something I would never forget. “You don’t get to say that!” He broke. This strong, powerful man broke right in front of me, his eyes welling with tears that started rapidly falling down his cheeks. “You don’t get to leave me, Skylar. Not like that. God, not like that.”

I must have said that last part out loud without meaning to. I hurt him even more.

“Don’t leave me, baby,” he cried, hugging me, pressing his lips to my forehead, to my hair, to my cheeks, to my nose, outpouring all the love he had for me. “Please, don’t leave me. I know I might not be enough. I know I’m not Dylan, but please don’t leave me. I wouldn’t... I don’t want to live this life without you. Please,” he begged, pleading with me, repeating how much he loved me over and over again. How much he needed me. How many people needed me, not just him.

Maybe it was the fear I saw on him, or the way he shook as he tried to bring me back. Or maybe it was the fact that for the first time in three weeks, I inhaled sharply, my lungs expanding, and like an avalanche on a sleepy mountain, everything I was feeling transpired into the tears that pushed out, freeing me from the pain I was living in.

I could feel him trembling. I could feel his fear, taste it, and I hated myself so much more for putting that anguish in his eyes. But I hated even more for being so weak, for being powerless, for being unable to withstand the storm.

“I’m sorry,” I cried out. “I’m sorry, Ash.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he answered, his voice watery. “Nothing at all.”

“I do,” I argued. “I’m sorry for putting you through this. I’m... I’m sorry for being weak.”

“You. Are. Not. Weak,” he pushed out, looking down at me. “You are the strongest person I know. The fucking strongest! The things you lived through, the heartache you felt, the demons you fought, no one else would’ve been able to do the same, Sky. No one!”

“But I hurt you. I?—”

“No, darling.” He smiled softly, running his fingers underneath my eyes, catching the tears that escaped. “You were hurting, and I understood. I told you I would always be here, Sky. It doesn’t matter if you try to push me away or if you don’t want to see my face. You have my heart, Moonshine, and I don’t want it back.”

I don’t deserve you, was the first thought that jumped into my mind, and I knew it was right. I didn’t deserve him, not even a little bit, but I wasn’t going to let him go. Maybe that made me selfish.

Maybe I wasn’t as good as he thought me to be, but with him, I would allow myself to be selfish. With him, I wanted it all, and I wanted to live.

I wanted to live.

23

ASH

I couldn’t keepmy eyes off of her. Even with almost ten other people in the room, I couldn’t stop staring at her.

Her soft blond hair, the way her eyes sparkled every time Cillian said something funny. The way she kept looking at me as well, knowing that my eyes were already on her.

For three weeks I walked around with a heavy weight on my shoulders, trying to figure out our next steps with Casimir, trying to help her in any way possible, and trying to keep myself sane. Sebastian helped a lot just by being there, by not asking questions, and by not trying to get out of here even though I knew how much he hated being locked up in this house.

He missed his friends, he had a thousand questions, but he never said a word. He never complained, even when I walked around like a grumpy motherfucker, unable to hold a conversation for longer than five minutes. But he was there, and that was enough.

I would’ve been lying if I said that now, five days after Skylar admitted that... It didn’t matter. I would’ve been lying if I said that the thought of her doing something to herself didn’t paralyze me with fear. Maybe that was why I couldn’t stoplooking at her. Maybe that was why she went out of her way to touch me, to press her lips to mine, to show me she was here.

Maybe it was a mutual understanding between the two of us, even without words, that we needed to prove to each other that we were here. I wasn’t lying when I said that a life without her wasn’t a life worth living. The thought itself should’ve scared me, because I learned a long time ago that you shouldn’t make homes out of people, but it was too late now.

She was buried deep underneath my skin, in the chamber of my heart that only waited for her all those years while I thought that I hated her. Sometimes I thought that I loved her even before I met her. There was always something in those blue eyes that made me push through the day. I thought it was hatred, I thought it was my need for revenge, but no one can tell me that carrying that photo of her wherever I went meant only that I hated her.

I would’ve also been lying if I said that losing Dylan didn’t shatter my heart, because it did. It destroyed something crucial in me, something that was only starting to heal when the three of us were together, but I wasn’t going to show that. I wasn’t going to tell her that every single day my eyes sought out his blond hair.

I wasn’t gonna tell her that I missed the way he smiled, the sound of his voice or the understanding in his eyes whenever we spoke about things that were bothering us. I didn’t want her to add worrying about me to her plate, and I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t as strong as I tried to be.

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