Page 95 of Dominion

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but things would be okay one day.

Perhaps losing Dylan wasn’t something I could’ve foreseen, but he gave me the family I didn’t know I needed. We made our own little unit, and I wasn’t alone anymore.

With Ash by my side, Casimir in my life, and all these other people who only wanted what was best for me, I knew I could go on and try to do better—for myself, for them, and for the people who could end up in situations like the ones I was in.

My feet hit the ground first, followed by Ash who stood behind me as I faced all of them. I knew they didn’t expect words. They didn’t expect me to say anything. Each and every one of them had lost someone in their life, and I knew they would understand why it took me so long to be here, but I had the urge to say something.

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting,” I mumbled, seeing from the corner of my eye, on my left side, Danika and Lazarus standing next to each other. “I think we can go now.”

She didn’t try to approach me this past week, but I could feel her hovering around. She was the one that would bring us breakfast, lunch, and dinner, leaving fresh linens in front of the door and making sure that we had everything we needed. I just wasn’t ready to talk to her yet.

I wasn’t ready to open that can of worms. But maybe one day.

Everyone started trickling out, taking their time, and leaving me the last, when Lazarus approached me, leaving Danika to stand next to the entrance to the ballroom all by herself.

“Skylar.” His deep voice left no room for argument and I didn’t want to direct my anger at him. After all, he wasn’t the one to blame for how my life turned out. He wasn’t the one to blame for Dylan’s death, and I could see that it pained him as much as it did other people, seeing me like this. “I am sorry for your loss,” he simply said, extending his hand to me, waiting to see my reaction.

I could pretend I didn’t see it and ignore him completely, but Dylan would want me to start this next chapter of my life with forgiveness in my heart, and maybe this was the first step to opening my heart to more people.

I took his hand in mine, shaking it slowly, forcing myself to mutter the words that were lodged in my throat. “Thank you,” I croaked, retreating and crossing my arms over my chest.

“I didn’t know him very well, but I could see that he wasn’t like his father.”

“He wasn’t,” I agreed. Dylan was everything Judah wasn’t. The best version of him. “He was better. So much better.”

“I know.” Lazarus smiled softly. “I know we don’t know each other, not really, but?—”

“I remember you,” I interrupted him, needing to say it. “I didn’t at first, but I remember you. I remember you and my father laughing at the front porch and I remember you tying my shoelaces.” Something crossed over his face, his entire demeanor changing as soon as I admitted it, and a part of me hoped that this was a good start. “I-I don’t know how to do this,” I said, looking down at the floor. “I don’t know how to forgive you all for abandoning me, but I know that there’s more to that story than meets the eye. I would like to hear it one day if you’re okay with that.”

My eyes found Danika’s, who was close to crying as she stood there, tapping her foot on the floor and no doubt wanting to be here with us, sharing this conversation.

“But maybe not today,” I added. “Soon?”

“Y-yeah,” he stammered, smiling brighter now. “We will talk soon.”

I had no more words to give him, but maybe it was better right now. I had spent years of my life marred with sorrow and anger and I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. I didn’t want to embark on this next step in my life filled with allthose things that had no place in my heart anymore. I wanted to know them. I wanted to remember everything.

I didn’t recognize him when I first saw him with Danika, but in this past week, the memories kept slamming into me, reminding me of the time before Judah took me from them. The happier time.

Danika’s laughter, Cas’s brilliant smile, and my biological father, and Lazarus sharing a drink while the two of us played in the backyard.

The first eighteen years of my life were nothing remarkable, nothing to be proud of, but I was determined to make the rest of my life as extraordinary as it could be.

Ash placed his hand on my lower back, softly ushering me toward the doors, and together we walked the short distance from the front side of the house and into the backyard, where the rest of our people already waited for us.

The dark clouds hovering over us descended on Winworth days ago, and the cold November air wrapped itself around me, chilling me to the bone. But being cold couldn’t deter me from being here. As I stepped closer to the coffin that was standing right next to the already dug hole, I felt a new onslaught of tears rushing to my eyes.

Ash led me toward the spot between Casimir and Hunter, who both had proven to be a tremendous support during this time. My hand reached out instinctively toward the black, sleek coffin in front of me, and I prayed to whatever force existed out there to give me strength as the minister started talking.

34

ASH

I had seendeath when I was just a child, but there was something different in seeing it at that age and seeing it now. Back then, I couldn’t understand what was happening, and instead of trying to process those emotions, I buried them underneath the pile of hatred, which in turn shaped the next couple of years of my life.

But now, as I stood here with Skylar in front of me, her entire body shaking, and some of the most important people in my life surrounding us, I understood why it was important to process grief in at least some way.

But fuck, it hurt even thinking of letting him go. It hurt saying all those words to Skylar because I felt like I wasn’t grieving enough. Like I wasn’t giving this enough thought, but I did. I couldn’t tell her that every single morning I woke up, expecting to see both of them in that bed with me, only to see her back and this dark cloud of sorrow above us, without Dylan by our side.

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