Page 97 of Dominion

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Nothing,” I lied. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, Ash. Especially not now. You looked like I just punched you in the gut.”

How could I put it into words without hurting her or reminding her constantly of Dylan? The wounds we carried were still fresh—too fresh to poke right now, and I didn’t want us to live in this vicious circle for the rest of our lives. But I couldn’t tell her that every time she looked at me, I wished she would tell me that she hated me instead of looking at me with all this love.

“I’m messed up,” I admitted at last, dragging my hand over my face and closing my eyes, unable to look at her. “I am fucking messed up, and I’m fucking terrified.”

“Ash.” She took a hold of my hand and placed her own on my cheek. “Look at me.” I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed. “Asher Crowell.” She said my full name. “I need you to look at me, baby.” Even that little word pierced through my bleeding heart. “Please.”

I could never deny her, no matter what. Especially not when her voice wavered and her fingers slowly traced the path from my cheek to my eye and then to my mouth.

My eyes flew open, but I couldn’t hide it anymore. I couldn’t hold back the tears that were now freely flowing down my cheeks. It was an avalanche of emotions slamming through me.

“Oh, Ash,” she mumbled, kissing my cheeks, taking every single tear like her own. “It’s okay, Ash. You need to let it out.”

“I-I can’t,” I sobbed. “I don’t want to. I-I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Like what?” she asked. “Being human? Hurting because you loved him too?”

“No,” I said. “Being sad when it’s my fault that you don’t have him anymore.”

“Ash, no. Hey.” She shook me. “Look at me.” But I couldn’t. I couldn’t fucking look at her. “Please, baby. Please, look at me.”

Her face came into focus, but instead of anger, there was only concern. Concern for me. “I could never hate you.”

“But I made a promise,” I whispered. “And I couldn’t deliver it.”

“This isn’t your fucking fault, Ash. Don’t make me repeat the words you said earlier. This is no one’s fault. It isn’t what we wanted, but I’ll be damned if we let this destroy us, understood?”

“But—”

“No fucking buts, Ash. Yes, it hurts.” Her voice cracked. “It will always hurt and I will always miss him. You will always miss him, but this isn’t your fault. You did your best, you tried, you wanted to give me my happy ever after, and it’s not your fault that a monster made our time short. It isn’t your fucking fault!”

Maybe one day I would believe it, especially with the conviction in her words, but right now, I just wanted it to stop. This pain, this anger, this guilt I carried around. I just wanted tostop feeling all these things that were threatening to swallow me whole. I wanted to turn it all off.

“Ash,” she murmured, her lips hovering over mine. “What happened to us never should’ve happened. Not just Dylan’s death but our entire lives. The people who took care of us were supposed to protect us, and they didn’t. That’s on them. You can’t save every single person, Ash. Sometimes life happens and it takes away those we love, but it doesn’t mean that we didn’t try. It doesn’t mean that we didn’t love them just because we let them go. You told me that, Ash. So please,” she murmured. “Please don’t let me go through this alone. I need you. I will always need you. Don’t let me go.”

How could I tell her that I would rather die than let her go, but I was terrified she would hate me no matter what.

“I don’t want to let you go,” I said, wrapping my hand with her hair. “But I also don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you.” She grinned. “You brought me back to life when I needed it. You will always be my hero, Ash. Always.”

She had no idea what those words did to my insides. She had no idea that it felt as if the first rays of sunshine started breaking through the clouds I was covered with, but she didn’t need to know. I didn’t need to put it into words. I could show it to her.

My lips sealed over hers, drinking in the little moan that erupted from her when I pressed her body to mine, showing her instead of telling her how much her words meant to me.

“Oh, shit.” Casimir’s voice made us break apart, and he had the decency to look ashamed. “I should’ve knocked.”

“You probably should have.” Skylar grinned.

“Sorry, guys, I can come back.” It was obvious he felt uncomfortable seeing us like this, but he did mention that we needed to talk about something, and there was no better time than now.

“No,” I said, pushing myself up into a sitting position along with Skylar. “I know you needed to talk to us, so maybe we should just get over it.”

“Right,” he drawled, still standing at the entrance to the room. It was only then that I noticed the manila file in his right hand and a white envelope on top of it.

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